Novelists From The United States

"They're told to gather the stories of their parents and grandparents and to honor their cultural history. And yet, as they're born in the United States, they don't identify with Vietnam and feel strongly that these are not their roots, so how can they lose them?"

"I think the “young adult” age is such a critical period of our lives. Young adults are still young enough to dream of magic and possibility, yet old enough to think for themselves and to begin to make real change in the world."

"My parents never overtly pushed us to marry Chinese (in fact, my dad was an equal opportunity dater in his time). However, they always encouraged us to value our Chinese-ness. It was never something to be ashamed of. I grew up in a very Chinese American household; Mom cooked Chinese food almost every night, yet she loved her French cooking classes. We all played multiple classical instruments, but were also avid Broadway fans."

"It might feel safer to stay hidden away, but safer is not always better. We all have things to say. Learning how to speak up helps us feel valued and a part of the community. And by honing our voices, we can change the world."

"I had no idea how lonely it would be to sit in my cave and type, for years and years. I have developed a totally new personality where I talk to myself and play with my hair for entertainment. The surprise is that after much frustration and exhaustion, I do manage to finish a novel."

"I just did not feel like there were any Asian women out there who I could identify with…I thought it was our role to be quiet and that people would look down on me if I ever spoke out."

"Journalism is just very structured…One day I turned in a story and [an editor] said to me, ‘You can’t compare inanimate objects with animate objects,’ and I realized I had to leave."

"Almost everyone, at one time or another, has been bullied, harassed, put down, hurt or suffered prejudice with no means of striking back. The vigilante gives us a vicarious way of getting justice. Of retaliating. Of getting revenge. The latter are perhaps not politically correct or realistically possible, but in our fantasies and in our fiction, they’re righteous, and satisfying…"

"I wanted to create a character who didn’t routinely resort to violence and wasn’t courageous by virtue of wielding a gun. I wanted to show someone who was powerful and incisive who could face down the bad guys without becoming a bad guy himself. I wanted a hero who was ethical, thoughtful, and just."

"There are other ways an entertaining novel can contribute to the common good. Violence can be portrayed but not glorified. Vicious characters don’t have to be cool. Kindness and ethical behavior can be virtues instead of vulnerabilities. Intelligence can triumph over guns. Cruelty, misogyny, drug use, violence, sociopathic tendencies don’t have to be celebrated."

"There are some Deckers who manage to live perfect End Days, but not everyone's got a life where you can get a happy End Day. Some of us got wounds and brains and hearts that need more than twenty-four hours to heal. Days, weeks, months, even years. That time can be suffocating, and planning those futures can feel like telling lies, but love saved us tonight, and as long as we stay together, love will keep us alive."

"My father comes over and shakes my hand too. "Excellent negotiating, mi hijo," he says. "I have taken your words to heart, and I hope you see that I can be receptive to your needs. I cannot help but be overprotective as your father, but I will work harder to find a balance that allows you more freedoms. It would mean the world if you will reconsider giving Death-Cast your full commitment, both in its service and in one day serving." If I'm granted the life I want, I can see myself leading in the future. "Maybe," I say. "I will do what I can to regain your confidence," my father says. That is a long road, but it's as if we've walked miles of it tonight."

"The thing is, I can remember my entire life. This includes before I was technically born. This might not seem significant to anyone that I can remember being in the womb except for the fact that while it's true that my father has never told me the secret to Death-Cast, he did tell my mother while she was pregnant. I've known the secret since before I was born, before I could absorb the words, before I could make sense of what was said. My parents stopped talking about the secret around me when I was four because they were scared of me learning it, which only made me keep my own secret from them. On the first End Day, I went into the Vast Vault at Death-Cast to see the secret for myself. I shouldn't have gone in. If I hadn't, the Death's Dozen might be alive today. I don't know. All I know is that love will not survive once Paz discovers I ruined his life."

"The best apology isn't words. The best apology is action taken to make things right."

"Paz is quiet. I should have discussed this with him privately. I definitely don't want to pressure him into doing promotions for a company that upended his life, I only want his wounds to heal. Everyone around the world will see this campaign. Maybe that's a bad thing. The last thing I want is to invite more chaos into Paz's life. Now I'm scared I'm doing just that. Paz walks up to my father. For a moment I'm nervous he's going to hit him, but he shakes his hand instead. "Thank you," he says before hugging Ms. Gloria as Mr. Rolando cheers."

"For all the booksellers and librarians who've supported me this past decade, I'm so grateful that you've kept this dream of mine alive and well. And lastly, for all my readers, but especially the ones who have struggled with life. You know who you are. I know who you are. There are so many more pages in our stories, so please don't close the book. Keep turning and turning and turning."

"I was this murky, fringe kid. I wasn't black, I wasn't white, and I'm way far from being Japanese…So I'm always on the edges, watching, listening, but not really in the mix."

"Andrea is not delusional. She knows she is guilty of many crimes, more than Joaquin is aware of himself, and his investigation will discover some, ensuring her incarceration, and the remaining crimes Andrea shall take to her grave. She doesn't fear death, but she does fear for her daughter's future. That is why Andrea Donahue is at a campaign rally, ready to tell the world her truth (even if her truth is built on many lies) so she can not only exact revenge against Joaquin Rosa, but use her voice to help elect Carson Dunst as the next president, all so he can pardon her if she is to be convicted."

"As the audience cheers for Andrea, she heads toward the stage's exit, snaking around Carson Dunst. "Pardon me," she says, trading winks with the next president of the United States. Then she basks in the chants for the death of Death-Cast, knowing she has played her role in destroying their reputation, but the true destruction is yet to come."

"Past alarming thoughts are getting stronger and stronger, like a Death-Cast alert ringing through my head. I'm the only one who knows my full story no matter what my father believes."

"If I'm gonna have any chance of surviving past Friday, I'll need to finally embrace all the people working to keep me alive: my mom and stepdad, who need me around to be a big brother to their baby; my therapist, who can guide me through my borderline brain; my psychiatrist, who can up meds or prescribe something better; and now the boy who has become my life coach and the shield to my sword."

"My End Day is coming up," Paz whispers. "No one knows their End Day in advance," I say. I never have, and I definitely don't now. "This Friday, July thirty-first. The day I killed Dad is when I'm destined to kill myself." "You're not destined to take your own life, Paz." "I am. That's why Death-Cast hasn't called. It wasn't my time yet." "Now isn't your time either. We're living to one hundred, remember?" "I'm not strong enough to keep surviving, Alano." "We're building your strength. You'll be starting DBT and-" "No, I..." Paz sobs, his body caving in. "I feel like a liar when I talk about the future."

"I refuse to let the only future Paz believes in be the one where he kills himself."

"I'm up against a world that doesn't know me but hates me anyway, but I'm gonna keep fighting until my life looks like my dream obituary. But if I fail at getting cast in a mega-hit franchise or winning an Oscar or receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, this life is still worth living because of Alano Rosa. And one day- one day really fucking soon- I can't wait to tell Alano how much I love him."

"Death-Cast didn't call last night, but if I had to die, I'd love for it to be in Alano's arms. It took forever to fall asleep, but Alano soldiered through the night with me. And now he's staying in LA. I roll over in bed, wanting to wrap my arms around him, but he's gone. My chest tightens. Did he break his promise and abandon me? I check my phone, and there's no missed call, no text explaining himself. I gotta ground myself. Alano wouldn't ghost. Ghosts don't hold you all night and beg for you to live."

"I've gotta be hallucinating because I'm seeing the guy I was never supposed to see again. His green eye and brown eye are staring at me in shock too. He's wearing a gray hoodie and baggy blue jeans with a brown leather satchel hanging from his shoulder. One hand is balled into a fist like he's about to get his revenge hit- or like he was about to knock on the door. Every rapid thought about the guy coming for revenge flies out of my head when I see something in his other hand thats as unbelievable as him being here. Alano holds up the star rug from the market. "I figured you needed this now more than ever," he says sympathetically- no, lovingly. I unfreeze, but instead of taking the star rug, I break down crying, and even though I don't deserve to ever touch him again, I ask, no, I beg, "Can I hug you?" "Yes," Alano says. I step into his arms, ignoring all the pain that is supposed to be warning me away from guys like him, and I sob as he pulls me even closer against his body, like we're one person. I will lie and lie and lie to anyone, but I can't lie to myself about how much holding Alano feels like hanging on for dear life so I don't fall off the Hollywood Sign."

"I'm on edge, scared of learning more, but if there's a world where I can have a future with Alano, even just as a friend, I can't be haunted by his past with Rio. And if I'm ever gonna confront this, it's now, when Alano is still in LA to ground me."

"I cry about wanting to die, about wanting to be reincarnated as my mom's new baby, and about wanting the fresh start that winning my trial compromised. I wanna self-harm so bad, I don't even care how. Cutting. Burning. Smashing Orion's big-ass book into my head over and over. Anything can be a weapn, which is frightening. "I'm so scared of myself," I cry out, hating my brain for making me my own greatest enemy. "You don't have to be," Alano says, locking his arms around me. I'm a sword, and he's my shield, protecting me from myself."

"If Joaquin thought he was losing power over Alano before, he now knows he is completely powerless as Alano and Paz stare into each other's eyes like Deckers who have fallen in love on their End Day. He can only hope these boys will not be the cause of each other's deaths."

"Unfortunately, scars don't just appear out of nowhere. They are all wounds first. Some painful, others not. The loud cries of her son let Gloria know that Pazito's wound has been ripped open again before it can heal; she's grateful that his wound is metaphorical, not physical, but pain is pain. A body needs a survivor's spirit to keep it alive. Only then will it heal, only then will it close all wounds, only then will it scar, and only with time can a scar fade. one day, Gloria and Pazito will be survivors with faded scars, but today is not that day."

""You're the one who got so moved over the fear of losing me and now you're walking away?" I ask, following Rio as he walks past the fountain and down toward the gate. "Is this how you feel? If you can't have all of me then you want none of me?" Rio stops in his tracks and whips around to face me. "Do you really expect me to stand around and watch you fall in love with another boy?" That's the knockout blow that takes me out for so long that I don't notice Rio is gone until the gate door slams shut. First Ariana, now Rio. I no longer have best friends. Or Paz. This is the most alone I've been in years. The poet Alfred Tennyson wrote about how it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but I could really use a poem about losing everything because of love."

"Self-harming isn't helping. What I really wanna do is hurt someone else, and that thought is so fucking scary. I wanna punch Bodie; I wanna punch the producers; I wanna punch Orion. Sometimes a thought is just a thought, but sometimes I don't think, I just act, and if my actions are about hurting other people, then I gotta put an end to this before I truly become Dad. My life has always been hard, but I believe more than ever that ever that I was supposed to die before Alano interfered because everything has only gotten worse. It's like time travelers are trying to right that wrong, so they've organized a shitstorm to wash out any hope for living, including getting dragged on social media, news vans violating my privacy, Make-A-Moment rejecting me, and my dream of being Death in Orion's movie officially killed. Message received. I gotta return to the Hollywood Sign to finish what I started."

"It will all work out, mi hijo," Pa says. "That's what you said about Ariana," I say. Word for word, I should add. "Life's pains do not heal overnight," Pa says, stealing glances at my bandaged arm. "But they will all heal."

"I wai for Ma to threaten that she won't ive in this world without me like Ms. Gloria did to Paz, but I'm relieved that it never comes. No matter how hard life would be if I died, I want my mother to keep going. Paz feels the same way about his mother. "I'm coming back to you, Ma." "I believe your intention, but I don't know your fate. If you go to Paz, do you trust him with your life?" After hearing my mother's story about the Death-Cast secret, it's only made me feel more confident in taking this leap of faith to be there for a boy who I fully trust isn't a Death Guarder. "I trust Paz with my life," I say. "Then go get peace of mind that he isn't harming himself and wishes no harm on you.""

"How can you be so brilliant, Alano, and so clueless?"

"I'm blinded by lights. It's not the police coming to arrest me. It's the media here to destroy me. If I'd known surviving would lead me here, I would've pulled the trigger."

""It's for the best," Rio says, watching Paz vanish into the crowd. "Are you going to say that if he dies?" I ask. "I'm more scared of him being the death of you." He steps toward me, and I not only back up, I turn the other way, running after Paz to save him and our own future."

"There is no telling someone that the death of a loved one isn't enough of a reason to undo the world, but my heart is breaking that Rio has fallen into these conspiracy holes. I want to reach in and pull him out. To save him."

"Death-Cast didn't call me, but if Rio doesn't stop fucking with a suicidal killer, he might find out that living pro-naturally means dying pro-naturally too."

"I wanted harmony when bringing my worlds together, not this collision."

"Dane comes over, going through his protocol of what his supervising will look like through the park. Basically, where Alano goes, Dane goes, which we figured, but he'll allow for some exceptions, like select roller coasters and dining. If we go our own way, that's on us. "If you see anyone suspicious, alert me." "How do we know if someone is suspicious?" Rio asks. "We didn't go to spy school." "Weren't you an aspiring detective?" Dane asks. "Key word is 'aspiring.'" Dane swallows a sigh. "Suspects will have tells. It can be anything from a disingenuous smile to lure you into a false sense of security, saying too much to distract you from a threat, excessive fidgeting or sweating, avoiding eye contact or downright staring-" "What if they're staring because we're all beautiful?" Rio interrupts. Dane glares at him. "You're included in that!" Dane keeps glaring."

"Alano laughs. "Were you checking me out online? Maybe because you think I'm cute?" I stare at his Gotcha smile. "I don't know what you're talking about. Alano stands, and the cabin rocks. I tell him to sit down, but he's still smiling. "Do you really want me dying without knowing the truth?" "Okay, fine, I think you're cute, Alano." My heart is pounding so damn hard as Alano howls triumphantly. It definitely doesn't calm down when he finally sits, because now he's sitting next to me, the balance shifting. "I can now die happy," Alano says. "You should know that your face is cheating." "My face is cheating?" "Yeah, you got two different color eyes. That makes anyone hot." "Now I'm hot?" Alano asks. How high is too high before a person is not getting enough oxygen? I'm gonna guess it's as high as we are now."

""I'm just nervous about getting recognized," I say. "Does that happen often?" Rio asks. "It's happened a lot, especially since that shitty docuseries." "Maybe someone will recognize you as your character and not your-" Rio stops himself. "Myself?" "That's not what I meant. I'm sorry," Rio says. "Alano's gaze is hidden behind his sunglasses, but I'm pretty damn sure he's glaring at Rio, who apologizes again. "Here are the facts, Paz. If anyone knows you from Grim Missed Calls, they're unlikely to detect you because you dyed your hair. The chances of you being recognized by casual movie viewers is also slim since you're, you now, older than when you starred in my favorite scene in the entire franchise." I doubt that part is really a fact, but it's sweet. "You're safe with us." I take a deep breath. That perspective does help a lot. "Okay, I got this." "You got this," Alano says. "And if you don't, Dane will make your harasser disappear," Rio says. Dane doesn't deny that."

"Paz rocks back and forth as the tears start spilling. "Maybe if my dad had made me feel safer then I wouldn't have shot... I would've thought twice... I, I-" I pull Paz into a hug, and he cries into my neck. "You deserved better." "Or I got what I deserved," Paz wails. Holding Paz as he grieves the life he truly deserved is making me die inside."

""No," Alano says firmly. "Your disorder isn't your fault." "Okay, but come on, let's do something fun-" Alano grabs my hands. "Tell me your disorder isn't your fault." "It kinda is, right? BPD is created by trauma, and I shot my dad, that was a choice I made-" "Your disorder isn't your fault," he interrupts. "I gotta take some blame-" "Your disorder isn't your fault." I stare into Alano's beautiful eyes, promising myself to try to see myself as he does. To always be honest and show him who I am so he forgives me whenever my disorder takes over like some demonic possession. "My disorder isn't my fault," I say, voice cracking. "No, it's not," Alano says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders again, proving that he sin't trying to get rid of me. He only wants to hold me close."

"Fortunately or unfortunately, no matter your view, Death-Cast does exist. This is something I've wrestled with too for more than half my life. I've seen firsthand the good that Death-Cast has done as well as the bad, but to pin every death on the company would be like blaming the Wright brothers for every plane crash. I know better than to challenge Rio on his choice knowing it was born out of grief."

""It was too late for Antonio and Lucio to get close, but we're spending more time together now that my fate is up in the air. We're stronger brothers today than we could ever become on an End Day." There's no arguing with those results. There have been studies that show people will wait until the last minute before they act on their personal relationships, believing they have all the time in the world until they discover they don't. Rio is actually living as we all should."

"How to be a friend to someone with borderline personality disorder. This was one of the most important questions I sought answers for today. It can be difficult sifting through the range of opinions found across medical journals, blogs, and podcasts, but everything I've explored so far seems to be in agreement that the best ways to serve a friend with borderline personality disorder are to validate their emotions, identify their triggers, and encourage professional help both for their benefit and as a boundary to protect yourself. It turns out the best way to be a friend to someone with borderline personality disorder is to simply be a good friend."

"I don't have a good feeling about this. I should turn around, but I creep toward the gate, watching as the boy climbs a ladder up the Hollywood Sign. It's unlikely he's only planning on sightseeing this close to midnight. Then there's a gunshot, and for a moment I believe the boy has already killed himself when I realize it's only the powerful memory of Harry Hope's suicide. I wasn't able to save him, but I can try to save this boy. I will save this boy."

"Everyone wants something to live for, there is not a soul that does not; even those who wish to kill themselves would stay alive for the right reasons."