"Listen, this whole system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a twenty-seven B stroke six... bloody paperwork."

"Well, that's a pipe of a different color."

"[to Jill] You won't believe this, I know it's going to sound incredible, but I've been dreaming about you. No, not like that. I mean, I love you - in my dreams - I love you. And, uh...Extraordinary, isn't it?"

"I do assure you, Mrs. Buttle, the Ministry is very scrupulous about following up and eradicating any error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms."

"It's about flights of fantasy. And the nightmare of reality. Terrorist bombings. And late night shopping. True Love. And creative plumbing."

"We're all in it together."

"It's only a state of mind."

"The truth shall make you free."

"Loose talk is noose talk."

"Mrs. Terrain: My complication had a little complication. But Dr. Jaffe says I'll soon be up and bounding about like a young gazelle."

"Holly: Put it on, big boy. I won't look at your willy."

"Spoor: All you've got to do is blow your nose and it's fixed, in't it?"

"Spoor: Where'd you get this from, eh? Out yer nostril?"

"Dr. Chapman: That technique...I've tried it. A nice effect, but highly unstable. In six months, she'll look like Grandma Moses."

"Dr. Lewis Jaffe: Can you believe it? Just me and my little knife. Snip, snip, slice, slice...But this is just the beginning...You've seen her with her clothes off. Faces are a doddle compared to tits and ass. No hairlines."

"Jack Lint: This is information retrieval not information dispersal."

"Jack Lint: We've always been close, haven't we? Well, until this whole thing blows over, just stay away from me."

"Kurtzmann: It's been confusion from the word go! He's been overcharged for Information Retrieval Procedures and someone somewhere is trying to make us carry the can."

"Mr. Warrenn: And what the hell is this mess. An empty desk is an efficient desk...I don't know what's going on here, Lowry, but don't think you can intimidate us with your friends and relatives in high places. NOW SHAPE UP!"

"Mr. Warrenn: Ahhhh! Here we are. Your very own number, on your very own door. And behind that door, your very own office! Congratulations, DZ-stroke-oh-one-five. Welcome to the team!"

"Charlie, Department of Works: Bloody typical, they've gone back to metric without telling us."

"Bill, Department of Works: Mistakes? We don't make mistakes."

"Arresting Officer: That is your receipt for your husband... and this is my receipt for your receipt."

"'Ere I am, J.H. ...The ghost in the machine."

"All I can say is don't fall at the last fence. The finishing post's in sight. See you in the paddock... keep your eye on the ball."

"Jill? Yes... Sam I think I ought to tell you. I'm afraid she's upped stumps and retired to the pavilion. Thrown in the towel."

"Yes, I always used to wonder if she wore falsies. False ears..."

"Yes... No... I don't know. I don't know what I want."

"Mr. Helpmann, I'm keen to get into Information Retrieval. Mr. Helpmann, I'm dying to get at this woman... no, no, no."

"Have you got a 27B stroke 6?"

"Sorry, I'm a bit of a stickler for paperwork. Where would we be if we didn't follow the correct procedures?"

"Secretary of Defense: Since no great naval power menaces the free world today, the Navy's overwhelming preponderance of surface ships seems to be superfluous, hence the cuts in budget."

"Joe Adams — Psychiatrist"

"Albert Paulsen — Zilkov"

"Douglas Henderson — Colonel Milt"

"Khigh Dhiegh — Doctor Yen Lo"

"John McGiver — Senator Thomas Jordan"

"Leslie Parrish — Jocelyn "Jocie" Jordan"

"James Gregory — Senator John Yerkes Iselin"

"Angela Lansbury — Mrs. Iselin"

"Janet Leigh — Eugenie Rose "Rosie" Chaney"

"Laurence Harvey — Staff Sergeant Raymond Shaw"

"Frank Sinatra — Major Bennett "Ben" Marco"

"Once unbelievable. Now unthinkable. The chilling classic returns. [re-release]"

"After you've felt its shock you'll swear there's never been anything like it!"