"Sing Sing Prison Guard: Gentlemen, you are hereby granted a full pardon for having - through song and dance - brought joy and laughter into the hearts of every murderer, rapist, and sex maniac in Sing Sing! You're free!"

"Brazilian Samba Performer: [Sung] You'll find your happiness in Rio! The beaches there are strewn with pearls! The latin breezes always blow there! And so, we hear, do the girls!"

"Ulla wake up at five A.M. every day. From five to seven, Ulla like to exercise. From seven to eight, Ulla like to take long shower. From eight to nine, Ulla like to have big Swedish breakfast. Many different herrings. From nine to eleven, Ulla like to practice her singing and her dancing. And at eleven, Ulla like to have sex. ... What time should I get here? (Max and Leo respond synchronicity - "Eleven")"

"Why Bloom go so far camera right?"

"Secretary-slash-receptionist? Okie-slash-dokie!"

"[sung] Violinists love to play an E-string, but audiences really love a G-string!"

"Yes darling... Roger."

"If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart...Bullseye!"

"Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris, in an elegant eastside townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Who may I say is calling? [Got angry] Listen, you broken down old queen, he was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky, don't ever call here again! [Roger in other room] Who was that!? Wrong number!"

"[When he answers the door] Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss? Max: I- Carmen Ghia: Ssssssss?"

"May I take your hats, your coats, and your Swastikas?"

"Roger, We're not alone..."

"And so the rule is, when mounting a... play. Keep it sunny, keep it funny, keep it gay."

"Carmen,call in a singing Hitler,please."

"I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!"

"[sung] I'm the German Ethel Merman don't cha know?!"

"[singing] I see a line of beautiful girls dressed as stormtroopers each one a gem. With leather boots and whips on their hips. It's risque, dare I say, S&M! I see German soldiers dancing through France played by chorus boys in very tight pants. And wait there's more! THEY WIN THE WAR! And the dances they do will be daring and new. Turn turn kick turn, turn turn kick turn, one two three kick turn! Keep it sassy, keep it classy, keep it gay."

"[sung as Hitler] I was just a paper hanger no one more obscurer. Got a phone call from the Reichstag told me I was Führer. Germany was blue What, oh, what to do? Hitched up my pants and conquered France. Now Deutschland's smiling through! It ain't no mystery if it's politics or history. The thing you've got to know is everything is showbiz!"

"[singing] Keep it happy, keep it snappy, keep it gay!"

"Of course that whole second act has to be rewritten. They're losing the war? Excuse me? It's too downbeat!"

"You mean that smell is you? Oh GOD. If I could bottle you, I'd shove you under my armpits every day."

"Quick darling, back in the closet!"

"[signing his name] Roger Elizabeth DeBris!"

"I shall have to think about it - I'll do it."

"[Whispered at the end of the credits] Don't forget to buy... Mein Kampf... in paperback... available near you... at Border's Books... or Barnes & Noble... und Amazon.com... guten tag."

"That's because you were taken in by the BBC! FILTHY BRITISH LIES! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! BLEUGH! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler - there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!"