"It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus. (p. 155)"

"It wasn't far to Money Trap Lane. It was in a ghetto of what Lord Rust would probably call "skilled artisans," the people too low down the social scale to be movers and shakers but slightly too high to be easily moved or shook. (p. 146)"

"Ankh-Morpork no longer had a fire brigade. The citizens had a rather disturbingly direct way of thinking at times, and it did not take long for people to see the rather obvious flaw in paying a group of people by the number of fires they put out. (p. 140)"

"Death happens to other people. The other person in this case had been him. (p. 126)"

""Do you need an excuse to have a war? said Nobby. I mean, who for? Can't you just say, ‘You got lots of cash and land but I've got a big sword so divvy up right now, chop chop?' That's what I'd do," said Corporal Nobbs, military strategist. "And I wouldn't even say that until after I'd attacked." (pp. 111-112)"

"Vimes never quite understood how the civic leaders were chosen. They just seemed to turn up, like a tack on the sole of your shoe. (p. 84)"

"After all, this was a Traditional Ceremony. If you took the view that you were not going to do things because they were apparently ridiculous, you might as well go home right now. (p. 80)"

"Sergeant Colon had had a broad education. He'd been to the School of My Dad Always Said, the College of It Stands to Reason, and was now a postgraduate student at the University of What Some Bloke In the Pub Told Me. (p. 34)"

"It demonstrates the friendly alliance between the University and the civil government which, I may say, seems to consist of their promising to do anything we ask provided we promise not to ask them to do anything. (p. 29)"

""Have you ever been in a pub where everyone goes armed? Oh, things are a little polite at first, I'll grant you, and then some twerp drinks out of the wrong mug or picks up someone else's change by mistake and five minutes later you're picking noses out of the beer nuts—" (p. 29)"

"And, of course, any citizen has the right to bear arms. Bear that in mind, please."

"Gentlemen, no fighting please. This is, after all, a council of war. (p. 26)"

"Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo. (p. 24)"

"When you hear the bang, there's no time to wonder how long the little fuse has been fizzing. (p. 21)"

""Why are our people going out there," said Mr. Boggis of the Thieves' Guild."

"To all the fighters for peace. (dedication)"

"He knew that young children could see him because they hadn't yet developed that convenient and selective blindness that comes with the intimation of personal mortality. (p. 339)"

"Dullness. Only humans could have invented it. What imaginations they had. (p. 339)"

"As far as Death was aware, the sole reason for any human association with pigs and lambs was as a prelude to chops and sausages. Quite why they should dress up for children's wallpaper as well was a mystery. Hello, little folk, this is what you're going to eat…He felt that if only he could find the key to it, he'd know a lot more about human beings. (p. 339)"

"Are those real mountains or some kind of shadows?"

"All right," said Susan, "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need...fantasies to make life bearable."

"Thank you. Now...tell me..."

"What you saw depended on how you looked. (p. 334)"

"said Death, as Binky galloped through icy mountains."

"Untruthful?" said Ridcully. "Me? I'm as honest as the day is long! Yes, what is it this time?"

""She wasn't necessary," said Teatime. "Few people are." (p. 283)"

"Teatime put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm on your side. A violent death is the last thing that'll happen to you." (p. 282)"

"They were grown men or at least had lived for several decades, which in some societies is considered the same thing. (p. 269)"

""Madam, we're wizards," said the Senior Wrangler. "We don't do cheerful." (p. 234)"

""I can't help it if my family had money," said the Dean, and that might have defused things a bit had he not added, "and standards." (p. 229)"

"What good's a god who gives you everything you want?"

"Time and space were, from Death's point of view, merely things that he'd heard described. When it came to Death, they ticked the box marked Not Applicable. It might help to think of the universe as a rubber sheet, or perhaps not. (p. 217)"

"There was color, in a sense, but it was the kind of color you'd get if you could shine a beam of black through a prism. (p. 215)"

"A sense of familiarity was creeping up on Susan, but surreptitiously, dodging behind things whenever she tried to concentrate on it. (p. 215)"

"Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get. (p. 207)"

"If anyone was thinking about making a mistake, you know, like maybe sending the guards down here tomorrow, tipping the old man out of his hovel, chuckin' him in prison, anything like that...werrlll...that's the kind of mistake he ought to treasure on account of it being the last mistake he'll ever make. A word to the wise men, right? (p. 207)"

"It was so easy to slip into immortality, to ride the horse, to know everything. And every time you did, it brought closer the day when you could never get off and never forget."

"It was amazing how many people spent their whole lives in places where they never intended to stay. (p. 199)"

"There are those who believe knowledge is something that is acquired—a precious ore hacked, as it were, from the gray strata of ignorance."

"It was a sore point. Like most people with no grasp whatsoever of real economics, Mustrum Ridcully equated "proper financial control" with the counting of paper clips. Even senior wizards had to produce a pencil stub to him before they were allowed a new one out of the locked cupboard below his desk. (p. 181)"

"—what's this Anthropomorphic Personification, then?"

"+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ (p. 175)"

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. (p. 172)"