"Mr. Karlman: We could have brought anyone into this show: Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul. Nomi Malone is what Las Vegas is all about! She's dazzling, she's exciting, and very, very sexy!"

"Marty Jacobsen: She's no butterfly, Tony. She's all pelvic thrust. I mean, she prowls... She's got it!"

"Al Torres: It must be weird, not having anybody cum on you."

"Annie: They're going to see a smiling snatch if you don't fix this g-string!"

"Tony Moss: I'm Tony Moss. I produce this show. Some of you have probably heard that I'm a prick. I am a prick. I got one interest here, and that's the show. I don't care whether you live or die. I want to see you dance and I want to see you smile. I can't use you if you can't smile, I can't use you if you can't show, I can't use you if you can't sell."

"She looks better than a ten-inch dick and you know it!"

"[singing] She's the yellow rose of Texas / She charges fifty bucks / She's the richest girl in Texas / And all she does is fuck!"

"[singing] The Farmer in the Dell / The Farmer in the Dell / I had a cherry, once / And now it's shot to hell!"

"Honey, you could never handle me with all these wrinkles of fat. Why, you'd never find the thing... I'd have to piss on you to give you a clue!"

"I have a problem with pussy. I always have, and I'm always gonna."

"You fuck 'em without fucking them! That's what you do! Well, it ain't right! You've got too much talent for it to be right!"

"Thank you and good night, ladies and gentlemen. Cristal has left the building."

"You know the best advice I ever got? You're up there on stage, hopin' on a spot. If someone gets in your way, step on 'em. If you're the only one left standing there, they hire you. That's about it. Thank you and good night, ladies and gentlemen. Elvis has left the building."

"You can't touch me, but I can touch you. I'd really love to touch you."

"[repeated line] It doesn't suck."

"Harry Shearer — Mike Michaelson"

"Adam Tomei — Control room director"

"Paul Giamatti — Control room director"

"Ted Raymond — Spencer"

"Don Taylor — Don"

"Ron Taylor — Ron"

"Heidi Schanz — Vivien"

"Peter Krause — Lawrence, Truman's boss"

"Blair Slater — Young Truman"

"Brian Delate — Truman's "father""

"Holland Taylor — Truman's "mother""

"Natascha McElhone — Lauren/Sylvia"

"Noah Emmerich — Marlon"

"Ed Harris — Christof, the creator of the show"

"Laura Linney — Meryl, Truman's "wife""

"Jim Carrey — Truman Burbank"

"The World is a Stage!"

"How's it going to end?"

"The World Is Watching..."