"Eric: [in a postcard to Neil] So you still haven't written - big surprise - but Wendy says you're doing OK, which is cool. I've been wanting to tell you about this strange guy I met 3 weeks ago. No, we're not fucking, get your mind out of the gutter, perv. He's not even gay, I don't think - in fact, his vibe is kinda weirdly asexual. His name is Brian Lackey. He lives in Little River and, like yours truly, attends Hutchinson Loser Community College... So anyways, the day you left, your mom and I found him literally on your doorstep, looking for you. He says you and him played Little League together like 10 years ago. He was the worst player on the team, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... He's full of questions about you. But, of course, I haven't told him much, i.e. about your "line of work". I did say you were queer like me, only 'cause I figured you wouldn't care. But now, are you ready for the good part? He thinks that when you and him were little, you were both abducted and examined by space aliens. How brilliant is that? But he was completely serious when he told me this. Like you should've seen the look in his eyes. So, what's the story, dude? Were you abducted by a UFO or what? P.S. - Are your crabs gone yet?"

"I met Wendy Peterson when I was 10. She was 11, one grade ahead of me in school. If I wasn't queer we would have ended up having sloppy teenage sex and getting pregnant, contributing more fucked-up unwanted kids to society. But instead, she became my soulmate. And... one true partner in crime."

"[to his father] I was bleeding, I kept passing out, I wet my bed, and you never asked why!"

"[voiceover] The summer I was 8 years old, 5 hours disappeared from my life. 5 hours. Lost. Gone without a trace. Last thing I remember I was sitting on the bench at my Little League game. It started to rain. What happened after that remains a pitch black void."

"[voiceover] And as we sat there listening to the carolers, I wanted to tell Brian it was over now and everything would be okay. But that was a lie, plus, I couldn't speak anyway. I wish there was some way for us to go back and undo the past. But there wasn't. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and trying to telepathically communicate... how sorry I was about what had happened. And I thought of all the grief and sadness... and fucked up suffering in the world... and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart that we could just... leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically... disappear."

"I am so sick of this stinkin' little buttcrack of a town!"

"I hate it when they look like Tarzan but sound like Jane."

"It was the greatest feeling I ever had. Followed very abruptly by the worst feeling I ever had."

"Miguel Sandoval — Augusto Oliveras"

"Cliff Curtis — Pablo Escobar"

"Jordi Mollà — Diego Delgado"

"Paul Reubens — Derek Foreal"

"Rachel Griffiths — Ermine Jung"

"Franka Potente — Barbara Buckley"

"Penélope Cruz — Mirtha Jung"

"Johnny Depp — George Jung"

"Happy to see you George, my brother."

"Let me tell you something, George: you'd have been great at anything."

"Money isn't real, George. It doesn't matter. It only seems like it does."

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on."

"(last lines) In the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door."

"Throughout my lifetime I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost barely enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent."

"May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face. And may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars."

"I was busted. Set up by the FBI and the DEA. That didn't bother me. Set up by Kevin Dulli and Derek Forreal to save their own asses. That didn't bother me. Sentenced to 60 years at Ottisville. That didn't bother me. I'd broken a promise. Everything I love in my life goes away."

"You're my heart, kid. Now, can I live without my heart?"

"The official toxicity limit for humans is between one and one and half grams of cocaine depending on body weight. I was averaging five grams a day, maybe more. I snorted ten grams in ten minutes once. I guess I had a high tolerance."

"... maybe it was the Colombian guestlist... or the cocaine buffet..."

"This is grade:A, 100% pure Colombian cocaine, ladies and gentlemen. Disco shit. Pure as the driven snow."

"The favor was to pick up fifty kilos of cocaine. Fifty. That's a hundred and ten pounds. Not exactly a small favor. Not like bumming a cigarette, for example. But what the hell. I didn't have anything better to do that day. It's not like I was on parole or anything."

"15 kilos? I PISS 15 kilos."

"Danbury wasn't a prison, it was a crime school. I went in with a Bachelor of marijuana, came out with a Doctorate of cocaine."

"(to Judge) I crossed an imaginary line with a bunch of plants!"

"Ron Eldard - Officer Gore"

"Bradley Whitford - Randy"

"Richard Venture - W.R. Slade"

"Gabrielle Anwar - Donna"

"James Rebhorn - Mr. Trask"