"Space, you see, Michael, is all expanding at the speed of light. It's a mathematical certainty that among all those millions of stars, there's another planet where they speak English."

"Paradise is for the blessed. Not for the sex-obsessed."

"[to Mick] Go on. Look at me. Look at my eyes. I'll kill you. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and my eyes get bigger and bigger. And I'm like a tiger. I like tigers. Rrrrah!"

"Boys! Boys! I understand you! Listen to reason and trust me! Trust me! [the Girl pulls out a pistol and shoots him in the forehead]"

"Education in Britain is a nubile Cinderella: sparsely clad and much interfered with."

"One man can change the world with a bullet in the right place. [deals out Bren gun ammo] Real bullets."

"[making a blood pact with Wallace and Knightly] Death to the oppressor!"

"We're on our own now."

"[to Wallace, watching as Knightly is being flogged] Christ, that was a bit low!"

"[to Rowntree, after being told that he, Wallace and Knightly are to be punished for their behaviour] The thing I hate about you, Rowntree, is the way you give Coca-Cola to your scum and your best teddy-bear to Oxfam and expect us to lick your frigid fingers for the rest of your frigid life."

"[to Denson, after being told he knows nothing of the school's motto] You mean that bit of wool on your tit?"

"[to Rowntree] What do you mean, being a nuisance? What have we done?"

"The night's dead. You can hardly breathe outside. The thing I'd really hate is to have a nail banged through the back of my neck. Slowly. [laughs] I don't see what difference the speed makes. [laughs] The speed of the nail. [laughs] The -The -The nail's speed! [laughs] The s-speed. [laughs]"

"[discussing horrible ways to die] Being flayed alive. That's what the Crusaders did to their enemies. Used to send their neatly folded skins back to their victims' wives."

"[at dinner] Dead man's leg today, Mrs. Kemp. Do you need this, Mrs. Kemp?"