"You know, I think I've seen too many guys naked. It's got to be over a fucking hundred at this point. I need to go and do something normal for a while."

"A writer creates a book, an individual creates a life! For a writer to create a masterpiece, he's got to think beyond what he knows! For an individual to create a life, even a half-way decent one, he's gotta go beyond what he knows. Go beyond the poverty, the dope, the disease, the degeneracy. Go beyond the oceans to the Alps (he pointed to a map), a magnificent replica of which the Board of Education has generously donated. Stick with what you think, and that's what you're gonna be stuck with! You may as well get out. Now! All of you... Miss Barrett's class dismissed. All of you dismissed for the rest of your crummy lives. Some of you prefer to leave by the window. I prefer to leave by the door. Punch me out. Will ya, Teach?"

"[to Miss Barrett] I've just seen your type before, that's all. There's one every year. "Not living up to your potential," they say. Is that what you were going to say, teach? "Just wanna help you, Joe?" "Just wanna be your friend?" Then they get to feeling very sorry for your about your "environmental factors", and your "low socio-economic level". Till you've just have to tell 'em; "Get your nose outta my environmental factors, will ya? Keep your damn hands off my potential"... and then they turn you in."

"Simple words that could start a war."

"They say a writer should stick to what he knows. What nonsense. What did Dickens know about the French Revolution? What did Shakespeare know about Moors in Venice? If he'd stuck to what he knew, we'd have no Othello. We'd have no Alice in Wonderland. We'd have no Treasure Island. You brats think that I and Miss Barrett stand up there day after day, talking about books, and the writing of books, just for the hell of it? You think it's got nothing to do with YOU?"

"When I finally get the chance, the first few precious minutes to talk to them about something I want them to understand, and I find that I am some kind of enemy... the butt of some enormous joke."

"If you deny what you know, or what you are, or where you are, you deny the simplest part of being alive, and then you die."

"The first mistake this pretty young teacher made was to get off the bus. The second was to walk into Calvin Coolidge High School for the first time. The third was to fall in love with it."

"Ever tried "punctuation sex", Henrietta? Hyphens are kisses, commas are maybes, and a period is a definite no. And then of course, there's the... limitless realms of semicolons and apostrophes. I shudder to think what an exclamation point might mean."

"Up The Down Staircase, is the story of a girl who fell in love with a monster... (The Girl is Sylvia Barrett. Occupation: Brand new teacher)"

"Simple words that start a war: "Good morning. My name is Miss Barrett. I am your Home Room teacher...""

"Helmut Griem - Maximilian "Max" von Heune"

"Joel Grey - Master of Ceremonies"

"Helen Vita - Frost"

"Marisa Berenson - Natalia Landauer"

"Michael York - Brian Roberts"

"Fritz Wepper - Fritz Wendel"

"Oliver Collignon (Mark Lambert singing) - Nazi youth"

"Everybody loves a winner!"

"Cabaret... Winner of 8 Academy Awards!"

"A divinely decadent experience!"

"Life is a cabaret."

"Do you know what she has done to me? It's terrible! She has turned me into an honest man."

"Leave your troubles outside! So life is disappointing? Forget it! In here, life is beautiful! The girls are beautiful! Even the orchestra is beautiful! [The orchestra plays.] Beautiful!"

"Come to the cabaret."

"And now presenting the cabaret girls! Heidi, Christine, Mouzy, Helga, Betty, und Inge. Each and every one a virgin. You don't believe me? Well, do not take my word for it! Go ahead, ask Helga! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Outside, it is winter. But here, it is so hot. Every night we have the battle to keep the girls from taking off all their clothing. So don't go away. Who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!"

"I'm going to be a great film star! That is, if booze and sex don't get me first."

"[singing] Money makes the world go around."

"[to Sally Bowles] Doesn't my body drive you wild with desire?"

"Liza Minnelli - Sally Bowles"

"Aren't you ever gonna stop deluding yourself, hmm? Handling Max? Behaving like some ludicrous little underage femme fatale? You're... you're about as fatale as an after dinner mint!"