"Where the fuck were all of you, huh?! My son called for backup three times in eight minutes and none of you motherfuckers could get here?! Nobody! Nothing?! Crickets. Alright, this is what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna call Dispatch and find out who was closest available. And when I do, I'm gonna take this gun and shoot that motherfucker. We clear?"

"See? That right there. This ain't about you. You're always making shit about you!"

"Jigsaw Copycat... That could be difficult."

"Hello, Detective Banks. I want to play a game. When Peter Dunleavy murdered an innocent man, your career was shattered like glass. Can you stand on the sidelines while justice is finally served? There is a way to save him, or you can keep him locked up and throw away the key. The decision is yours."

"Hello, Captain Garza. I want to play a game. You have covered up corruption in your Department, never sticking your neck out for the innocent. Now, the cover-up will be on you. In a few seconds, boiling hot wax will be coming out of the pipe above you. The only way to stop yourself from being suffocated is to sever your spinal cord with the blade beneath your neck, which will stop the wax. You cannot walk away, but you can survive. Live or die, make your choice."

"Hello, Detective Fitch. I want to play a game. The tide of justice is rising around you. In ninety seconds, the water will rise to the height of the copper wires, and if you are still in the tank, you will be electrocuted unless you make the sacrifice that will cleanse you. You murdered a man because he insulted you. Your finger pulled the trigger, and that cannot happen again. Survival is simple, but it comes with a sacrifice. Bite down on the device in your mouth, which will start the motor that will rip your fingers away, leaving your free to escape with your life. But if you don't act quickly, all that awaits you is this watery tomb. Live or die, make your choice."

"Hello, Detective Banks. Salvation was offered, but it was declined. I have a bone to pick with the Police Department, and if you're going to point fingers, you should start by pointing them at yourselves. Until you come clean, many more will die."

"Hello, Detective Banks. I'm here to help reform the Metro Police. To remind them of their oath to the people of this city. One officer from your station refused to be reformed. He will not be the last to play my game."

"Hello, Detective Bozwick. I want to play a game. The Three Train is arriving in two minutes. It is up to you to decide if this will be your final stop. You have taken the witness stand many times and railroaded innocent people with your lies, putting them away in jail. Today, it is you who will be railroaded. You have one chance to live: tear from your mouth the tongue that has so often been used to lie and to deceive. Take a leap of faith, and you will live. Only your weight will rip away your lying tongue and save you. Live or die, make your choice."

"[trailer only] Hello, Detective Banks. When was the last time you saw your father?"

"[trailer only] Hello, Detective Banks. Do you know where your officers are?"

"You failed that test. Now I need you to choose who you're really with: the man who corrupted the force, or the one who's trying to save it."

"At the rate your old man's bleeding out, in just three minutes, those jars will be full and your dad will be dead. The only thing that can set him free is the bullet in your gun, fired at that target. That's the game. Shoot me, and you both lose. Shoot the target, and we both win. You wanna play?"

"Let's face it, these cops, they're not gonna clean up on their own. But we take... a tongue here, a few bones there, they'll come around."

"John Kramer was right -- The Spiral: a symbol of change, evolution, progress. But why limit that to an individual when you can apply it to a whole system?"

"Whoa! I'm in space."

"From the humans who brought you Cocaine Bear & 21 Jump Street."

"Unleashed in theaters this summer."

"Phil Morris — Bubsy"

"— Underbite pound dog"

"— Shitstain"

"Jack De Sanz — Munchkin"

"— Deliliah"

"Randall Park — Hunter"

"Will Ferrell — Reggie"

"— Dr. Hagen"

"How so? Is it my human hands?"

"You look different."

"That is just the classic toxic relationship. I should probably talk to him. I am a therapy dog."

"God saw! He sees everything!"

"[in Lassie-Style-Animation form] Shit! You look different, too."

"But what I really don't get is why Jenna thinks it's so adorable when she spins around in circles. Like I can do that in my sleep. You know what, it's totally fine. It's fine."

"No, it's fine. Bella's young, and cute, and fun, so of course Jenna loves her more than me right now. And I get that."

"Alright, guys. Let's show these humans they can't toss us aside without facing some bad fucking consequences."

"Oh, we going to fuck shit up."

"Regg, you can learn how beautiful it can be when you're off the leash."

"You a stray. You can do anything you want."

"Hey, gnome. I'm your father. It's so good to finally meet you. Even under these strange circumstances."

"All my life, I felt like I wasn't worth anything unless I heard those words, "Good boy". But they never came. Well, he needs to know he's hurt me. He needs to feel my pain. And he needs to pay for what he did with the only thing he truly loves! I'm gonna bite his dick off."

"Doug loves me. We have a good relationship. You just don't understand the situation, because if Doug's such a bad guy, [begins to realize] and he... he left me on purpose, and he hurt me on purpose, that would mean... that would mean... Doug doesn't love me."

"This beer doesn't taste good, but I like how it's making me feel."

"— Khaji-Da"

"— Dr. Sanchez"

"— Milagro Reyes"

"— Rocio Reyes"

"George Lopez — Rudy Reyes"

"Susan Sarandon — Victoria Kord"

"— Ignacio Carapax / OMAC"

"— Alberto Reyes"

"— Jenny Kord"