210 quotes found
"It looks like a paradise, but it is in fact the most treacherous desert in the world, the Kalahari. After the short rainy season there are many water holes, and even rivers. But after a few weeks, the water sinks away into the deep Kalahari sand. The water holes dry, and the rivers stop flowing. The grass fades to a beautiful blond colour that offers excellent grazing for the animals. But for the next nine months, there will be no water to drink. So most of the animals move away, leaving the beautiful blond grass uneaten."
"Humans avoid the Kalahari like the plague because man must have water to live. So the beautiful landscapes are devoid of people. Except for the little people of the Kalahari. Pretty, dainty, small and graceful, the Bushmen. Where any other person would die of thirst in a few days they live quite contentedly in this desert that doesn't look like a desert. They know where to dig for roots and bulbs and tubers and which berries and pods are good to eat."
"And, of course they know what to do about water. For instance, in the early morning, you can collect dewdrops from leaves that were carefully laid out the previous evening. Or a plume of grass can be a reservoir. And if you have the know-how, an insignificant clump of twigs can tell you where to dig and you come to light with an enormous tuber. You scrape shavings off it with a stick that is split to give it a sharp edge. You take a handful of the shavings, point your thumb at your mouth and squeeze. They must be the most contented people in the world. They have no crime, no punishment, no violence, no laws, no police, judges, rulers or bosses. They believe that the gods put only good and useful things on the earth for them to use."
"In this world of theirs, nothing is bad or evil. Even a poisonous snake is not bad. You just have to keep away from the sharp end. Actually, a snake is very good. In fact, it's delicious. And the skin makes a fine pouch."
"They live in the vastness of the Kalahari in small family groups. One family of Bushmen might meet up with another family once in a few years. But for the most part, they live in complete isolation quite unaware there are other people in the world. In the deep Kalahari, there are Bushmen who have not seen or heard of civilized man. Sometimes they hear a thundering sound when there are no clouds in the sky. And they assume the gods have eaten too much and their tummies are rumbling up there. Sometimes they can even see the evidence of the gods' flatulence."
"Their language has an idiosyncrasy of its own. It seems to consist mainly of clicking sounds."
"They're very gentle people. They'll never punish a child or even speak harshly to it. So, of course the kids are extremely well-behaved. And their games are cute and inventive."
"When the family needs meat the hunter dips his tiny arrow in a brew that acts as a tranquilliser. When he shoots a buck, it feels a sting and the arrow drops out. The buck runs away, but soon it gets very drowsy and it stops running. After a while, it goes to sleep. And the hunter apologizes to his prey. He explains that his family needs the meat."
"The one characteristic which really makes the Bushmen different from all other races is that they have no sense of ownership at all. Where they live, there's nothing you can own. Only trees and grass and animals."
"In fact these Bushmen have never seen a stone or a rock in their lives. The hardest things they know are wood and bone. They live in a gentle world, where nothing is as hard as rock, or steel or concrete."
"Only 600 miles to the south, there's a vast city. And here you find civilized man. Civilized man refused to adapt himself to his environment. Instead he adapted his environment to suit him. So he built cities, roads, vehicles, machinery. And he put up power lines to run his labour-saving devices. But he some how didn't know when to stop. The more he improved his surroundings to make life easier the more complicated he made it. So now his children are sentenced to 10 to 15 years of school, just to learn how to survive in this complex and hazardous habitat they were born into. And civilized man, who refused to adapt to his surroundings now finds he has to adapt and re-adapt every hour of the day to his self-created environment. For instance, if the day is called Monday and the number 7:30 comes up, you have to dis-adapt from your domestic surroundings and re-adapt yourself to an entirely different environment. 8:00 (8-double-zero) means everybody has to look busy. 10:30 (ten-three-zero) says means you can stop looking busy for 15 minutes. And then, you have to look busy again. Your day is chopped into pieces. In each segment of time you adapt to new circumstances."
"But in the Kalahari, it's always Tuesday, or Thursday if you like. Or Sunday. No clocks or calendars tell you to do this or that."
"Lately, strange new things sometimes appeared in the sky. Noisy birds that flew without flapping their wings."
"One day, something fell from the sky. Xi had never seen anything like this in his life. It looked like water, but it was harder than anything else in the world. He wondered why the gods had sent this thing down to the earth. It was the strangest and most beautiful thing they had ever seen. They wondered why the gods had sent it to them. Pabo got his finger stuck in the thing and the children thought he was very funny. Xi tried the thing out to cure thongs. It had the right shape and weight. It was also beautifully smooth and ideal for curing snakeskin. And Pabo discovered you could make music on it. And every day they discovered a new use for the thing. It was harder and heavier and smoother than anything they'd ever known. It was the most useful thing the gods had ever given them. A real labour-saving device. But the gods had been careless. They had sent only one. Now, for the first time, here was a thing that could not be shared because there was only one of it. Suddenly, everybody needed it most of the time. A thing they had never needed before became a necessity. And unfamiliar emotions began to stir. A feeling of wanting to own, of not wanting to share. Other new things came. Anger, jealousy, hate and violence."
"The most inquisitive creature in Africa is the baboon. Xi said [to the baboon after it took away the Coca cola bottle], "That is a very evil thing you've got. You better give it back so I can take it and throw it off the earth. It brought unhappiness to my family: "If you don't give it to me it'll bring grief to you and your family too". He spoke long and earnestly until the baboon began to pay attention. He must have convinced it, and it dropped the thing. And Xi said, "You have done a very wise thing"."
"One day, a very noisy animal rushed past where Xi was sleeping. It left very peculiar tracks, as if two enormous snakes had slithered past."
"The rhino is the self-appointed fire-prevention officer. When he sees a fire, he rushes in and stamps it out."
"That morning, Xi saw the ugliest person he'd ever come across. She was as pale as something that had crawled out of a rotting log. Her hair was quite gruesome long and stringy and white, as if she was very old. She was very big. You'd have to dig the whole day to find enough food to feed her. Although it was a hot day, she was covering her body with skins that looked as if they were made from cobwebs. She was doing strange and magical things, and it struck him that she must be one of the gods, and he wondered what she was doing on Earth. But he was glad he met her. He'd give her the evil thing and go home to his family. He said tactfully that he didn't need the thing, and she could have it back. But she was very rude, and she walked away."
"There was another god. He had a fire inside him, and the smoke came out through his mouth and nostrils. Xi said politely, "It was kind of you to send us this thing but it made my family unhappy. Please take it back"."
"There was a peculiar sound, and then Xi saw a most amazing animal approaching. Its legs went around instead of up and down. And there was a weird-looking god on its back. He wore a blue skin on his head and red one on his body. And hair grew on his face."
"The funny thing about these gods was that they couldn't speak. They could only make chattering sounds like monkeys."
"Miss Thompson, if you make a fire, and a rhinoceros sees it he comes and stamps it out. Rhinos do that. It's a most interesting phenomenon."
"They're Tswanas. They always shake their heads when they mean to say yes."
"That's a Wait-a-bit tree. You mustn't go near a Wait-a-bit tree. They grab you. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acacia_greggii)"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"She thinks I'm a lunatic and I don't blame her. You know she asked me what do I do? And I said I collect manure. I don't tell her that I analyze it for my doctoral thesis. I bet she thinks that I shovel the stuff."
"Sir! Sir! Some people went through here. They didn't show me their passports and they smashed down the barrier. They've got guns. This is Frank speaking, Sir."
"I stopped them. Sir!"
"Are you scared it'll spoil your image if you admit you made a mistake?"
"I noticed."
"Do you speak English? You are free to remain silent until you have seen your lawyer. But if you choose to speak now, whatever you say will be taken down as evidence against you."
"Find him...and kill him...yourself."
"You don't want to talk about it, huh? Shame."
"And why are you so beautiful?"
"You better do your thing before the pupils come."
"You killed three, and wounded five, and you lost four."
"The man we want is the President, not the bloody Minister of Education, understand? I'll come with you and we'll get him in his bed."
"Hey you! You didn't hear me? Lie down!"
"Stop playing that bloody game."
"[threatening the sergeant, while holding Kate Thompson at gunpoint] Sergeant, I'm going to walk due east from here to Motambe and I'm taking all these kids with me. If I see one truck, or one aeroplane, or one policeman, or one soldier, or one person, we'll mow these kids down."
"It's a little slow-paced, and the comedy is often silly, but if you want to see a movie that is entertaining, sometimes hilarious, and always unique, this is a good one. ... The Gods Must Be Crazy is slapstick with a message and because the film is intelligent, it's one of the only slapstick comedies since the Marx Brothers that really works. ... Some might complain that the film's treatment of the Bushmen is not too accurate — Bushmen are not this clueless about the ways of the white man — but most of the white characters in the movie are just as goofy, so the film's pretty even-handed in that respect."
"The star of the movie is N!xau, who is so forthright and cheerful and sensible that his very presence makes some of the gags pay off. In any slapstick comedy, the gags must rest on a solid basis of logic: It's not funny to watch people being ridiculous, but it is funny to watch people doing the next logical thing, and turning out to be ridiculous. N!xau, because he approaches Western society without preconceptions, and bases all of his actions on logical conclusions, brings into relief a lot of the little tics and assumptions of everyday life. I think that reveals the thought that went into this movie: It might be easy to make a farce about screwball happenings in the desert, but it's a lot harder to create a funny interaction between nature and human nature. This movie's a nice little treasure."
"At last, a comedy everyone can laugh with!"
"The critics are raving... the natives are restless... and the laughter is non-stop!"
"N!xau - Xi"
"Marius Weyers - Andrew Steyn"
"Sandra Prinsloo - Kate Thompson"
"Michael Thys - M'Pudi (voiced by Pip Freedman)"
"Louw Verwey - Sam Boga"
"[to Fundiswa, referring to the face mask] You don't need that, man. Only sissies wear that. You don't need that."
"[upon finding a large weapons cache] This is Christmas."
"[pointing at alien graffiti] This is basically a guy, and there's three humans here. Basically trying to make a warning, you know, he's saying "I killed three humans, watch out for me.""
"[on the phone, after his call is aborted] I've been friends with you for fucking 19 years, man! [to an observer] Fuck off! What are you watching, man?! Fuck off!"
"This whole's thing's under your shack? For 20 years, you've had this fuckin' thing hidden down here? This is, this is very illegal. I mean, this is... this is a fine — if they catch you with it."
"[to his wife] Honey, you have to believe me, I never had sex with a creature. I would never have sex with any fuckin' creature."
"Fucking prawns!"
"[in the Exo-Suit] You wanna fucking play with me, Koobus?! You fucker!"
"I mean, you can't say they don't look like that, that's what they look like, right? They look like prawns."
"[in MNU Humvee] When dealing with aliens, try to be polite, but firm. And always remember that a smile is cheaper than a bullet."
"I thought with the aliens, you’d think, “I don’t want to sit next to that on the bus, they look insane, they look barbaric.” And then by the end of the film, you’ve done a 180 on your perception of them. And that’s why their design reflects that. They are gross. They are insect-like, which represents this sort of hive-structure society that they come from, and then they have a human sort of geometry to their face and eyes, so that at some point in the film, you can feel that there’s a sentient creature behind those eyes. So they have to have both of those two things, which is a bit of a balancing act."
"Sharlto Copley - Wikus van de Merwe"
"Jason Cope - Grey Bradnam, Christopher Johnson"
"Eugene Khumbanyiwa - Obesandjo"
"David James - Colonel Koobus Venter"
"William Allen Young - Dirk Michaels"
"Louis Minnaar - Piet Smit"
"Mandla Gaduka - Fundiswa Mhlanga"
"Vanessa Haywood - Tania van de Merwe"
"Sylvaine Strike - Katrina McKenzie"
"John Sumner - Les Feldman"
"Jed Brophy - James Hope"
"Vittorio Leonardi - Michael Bloemstein"
"It's just playing, I'm tellin' ya!"
"Oh that's Johnny Lion. You never have to worry about John."
"Okay cat. Hello lions. Hello lions! What'ya doin'? What's that rogue Togar doing here? God, Togar, why today of all days?"
"Good lord! Look what the cat dragged in!"
"The most dangerous movie ever made"
"No animals were harmed in the making of this film. 70 cast and crew members were."
"There's never been a film like ROAR - and there never will be again!"
"Tippi Hedren as Madeleine"
"Noel Marshall as Hank"
"Melanie Griffith as Melanie"
"Jerry Marshall as Jerry"
"John Marshall as John"
"Kyalo Mativo as Mativo"
"Rick Glassey as Rick"
"Steve Miller as Prentiss"
"Frank Tom as Frank"
"Charlotte Hughley as Princess"
"My father, he died recently. How can someone just disappear like that? Forever."
"Love doesn't stop when time passes, or you live in different places, or sombody's gone. That's how it was with me and Duma."
"[last lines of the film; voiceover narration] There are things you know without knowing. For Duma, it was his wildness. For Rip, his family. For me, it was my dad. Everything he was, everything he believed in is now part of me. I was taking Duma home, but he took me somewhere too. Finding Duma's true home brought me back to mine and showed me that love doesn't stop when time passes or you live in different places or somebody's gone. That's how it was with me and Duma."
"That is a place of many teeth, my friend."
"Your cheetah is a great hunter. I'm very impressed... he caught an egg!"
"People go when they are ready to go, not when you are. We are all just travelers on the same river, grandparents, parents, sons and daughters. We all have our time on the river. We do what we can before we disappear."
"Alexander Michaeletos as Xan."
"Anthony, Azaro, Nikita, Sasha and Savannah as Duma."
"Eamonn Walker as Ripkuna."
"Campbell Scott as Peter."
"Hope Davis as Kristin."
"Mary Makhatho as Thandi."
"Nthabiseng Kenoshi as Lucille."
"Jennifer Steyn as Aunt Gwen."
"Nicky Rebelo as Coach Nagy."
"Garth Renecle as Hock Bender."
"André Stolz as Xan's Teacher."
"Charlotte Savage as Poetry Student."
"Ronald Shange as Policeman."
"Nadia Kretschmer as Tourist #1."
"John Whiteley as Tourist #2."
"Clive Scott as Tourist #3 (Eager Man)."
"Catriona Andrew as Tourist #4 (Beautiful Woman)."
"Errol Ballentine as White Haired Doctor."
"Michele Levin as Doctor's Wife."
"Sam Ngakane as Old Man in Village."
"Adelaide Shabalala as Medicine Woman, Suliwa."
"Thokozani Ndaba as Rip's Wife, Melika."
"Wright Ngubeni as Rip's Son."
"Bernard Msimang as Rip's Father."
"Ivy Nkutha as Rip's Mother."
"Sheba as Young Duma."
"A reality show with these two idiots!! I love it!!"
"Minister, as a reality show, it is going to kick butt, I promise. And more to the point, it's going to work for essay tourism, and it's gonna work for you. Imagine how you're gonna impress the President. You'll be bringing black and white together in our rainbow nation. The most important thing they must not know is they are on television, and they must not know about the reality show."
"You are a man of vision, sir."
"Well, are our heroes just too far gone to get over their cheap racist selves, or will they kiss and make up? And if anyone comes across Beast or Boetie, please play along. Do not let them know that they are being filmed or that you know who they are. This is South Africa's own heartbeat reality show, Buddies or Broke."
"Hello, boys. I thought something like this might happen. Do you remember what I said... about the prize? And how you might just get lucky?"
"Life is so easy when you have the tools."
"Yes, everyone is talking about the madness our two heroes got up to last night on Buddies or Broke. So, by popular demand, and I mean demand, here are the highlights."
"Okay, everybody, listen up! We're changing the rules. We're only a few hours away from the end and from now on, this is a race. Two million prize, winner takes all!"
"The final leg to Johannesburg, and the finish line. Let the climax begin!!"
"Leon Schuster – Boetie"
"Kenneth Nkosi – Beast"
"Tanit Phoenix – Kelsey"
"Alfred Ntombela – Minister Nda"
"Trevor Noah – Bookie"
"Good God. Horror, horror, horror! Tongue nor heart; cannot conceive or name thee! May all the trumpets speak; give them all breath, Those clamorous harbingers of blood and death! With me, you will be learning English. Not the, uh... rapturous ramblings of some self-obsessed literary queen. Exhibit one: Henry James. Exhibit two: Virginia Woolf and Agatha Christie. Frustrated sex-crazed carpet munchers with underarm firm. Don't get me wrong, boys; I have nothing against lesbians, nothing at all. In fact, I'd like to give them all a jolly good Rogerie."
"However, I will be teaching you malodorous meerkats how to be men! You will learn about women and sex. And if I do my job right, when you leave this class, you will be the kind of man that men envy and the kind of man that women cannot resist."
"The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven, Would through the airy region stream so bright, That birds would sing and think it were not night. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!"
"Troye Sivan as John "Spud" Milton"
"John Cleese as Mr. "The Guv" Edly, an alcoholic English teacher"
"Tanit Phoenix as Mrs. "Eve" Wilson"
"Jeremy Crutchley as Mr. Glockenshpeel ("The Glock")"
"Jamie Royal as Henry "Gecko" Barker"
"Sven Ruygrok as Robert "Rambo" Black"
"Josh Goddard as Charlie "Mad Dog" Hooper"
"Thomas Burne as Vern "Rain Man" Blackadder"
"Byron Langley as Simon Brown"
"Travis Hornsby as Alan "Boggo" Greenstein"
"Blessing Xaba as Sidney "Fatty" Sibeko-Scott"
"Aaron McIlroy as Mr. Milton, Spud's father"
"Julie Summers as Mrs. Milton, Spud's mother"
"Genna Blair as Debbie "The Mermaid""
"Jason Cope as Mr. "Sparerib" Wilson, Eve's husband"
"Charlbi Dean Kriek as Amanda"
"Alex McGregor as Christine"
"Graham Weir as Mr. "Viking" Richardson"
"Siobhan Hodgson as Mrs. Roberts"
"Ryan Mayne as Julian"
"James Murray as Bert"
"Darren Frances as Pike"
"Ricky Cruz as Devries"
"Sylvaine Strike as San Sister"
"Lehasa Moloi as P.J. Luthuli, head boy of Michaelhouse"
"Brenda Ngxoli as Innocence, the Miltons' house maid"
"Terry Norton as The Guv's wife"
"Christine le Brocq as Mrs "Wombat" Milton, Spud's grandmother"
"Ben Voss as Mr. Lily"
"Patrick Kenny as Reverend Bishop"
"Shaeleen Tobin as Marge, The Mermaid's mother"
"Liam Magner as "Hairy Gavin""
"John van de Ruit as Mr. Lennox"
"Laura Santoni as the Librarian"
"Harry Wilcox as Student C"
"Last year, your undercover activities caused a night swimming craze, in which two boys nearly drowned... putting me and this school in a very serious and difficult position. Now, I find you faking and forging weekend passes!"
"Boys, we have the reputation of this school to uphold, and if you won't, I assure you, I will. Consequently, I'm putting you all on final warning. One more transgression of this nature will result in your expulsion. You're all gated until further notice and banned from going to the Midlands Festival. Good day."
"Gentlemen, for your reckless behavior and complete disregard for the rules of this establishment, I have come to a decision on your punishment. Robert Black and Charles Hooper, I regret to inform you that you are no longer students of this institution; you have been expelled. Your parents have already been notified and you will be off the school premises by sunset today. And the rest of you... are suspended for three weeks and placed on absolute final warning. My patience hangs by a thread! Dismissed."
"[to Greg Anderson, Guy Emberton and Death Breath] QUIET!!! As of this instant, you, you and you are de-prefected, placed on absolute final warning and stripped of all your privileges!! Dismissed!"
"All right. I will talk no more about what you have done, if you swear never to utter a word about this."
"Boys, until your short stay at this school is mercifully over, I'm going to make you wish you'd never been born."
"Look, Milton, you need to wake up. This school, this is your shot. If you screw this up, you're going to end up like your father. Now, the way I see it, Milton, is that time is running out before Robert Black makes you do something incredibly stupid. But if you and I work together, maybe your future could be saved. Could you think about that, Milton?"
"You and your gang are going to get expelled from this school when I reveal all to the headmaster. Now, all you have to do is admit to me that what you have written here is true and maybe I'll save your miserable little future!!"
"Headmaster, if you think that the best way to protect the reputation of this school is to expel these boys, I must ask you to think again."
"The question that you must ask yourself is why. Why, why do these boys flap the rules? Why do they create hideaways and start food fights? Hmm? Well, I tell you why, Headmaster. Because instead of molding them, instead of allowing them some creative fun, Big Brother here threatens them. He beats them and stoops so low as to steal a man's diary. He has been carrying out a personal vendetta against these boys, and I have the proof of it."
"And so because of the shenanigans between one boy and his wife, he has made it his personal mission to get that boy and all of his friends expelled!"
"You have the future of this school in your hands, Headmaster. If you will trust these boys, I dare say they will make you proud."
"Mrs. Wilson: [to Robert Black, as she throws him out of the bathroom] Get out!! I told you already, this is over!"
"Troye Sivan as Spud"
"John Cleese as The Guv"
"Jason Cope as Sparerib"
"Jeremy Crutchley as The Glock"
"Sven Ruygrok as Rambo"
"Josh Goddard as Mad Dog"
"Travis Hornsby as Boggo"
"Harold Hendricks as Death Breath"
"Byron Langley as Simon"
"Tanit Phoenix as Eve"
"Aaron McIlroy as Spud's Dad"
"Julie Summers as Spud's Mom"
"Blessing Xaba as Fatty"
"Now listen here... especially you, Mr. Black!! Some of you may know me as Mr. Richardson. Others may know me as the Viking. But I'd rather you thought of me as your worst bloody nightmare!! Ugly boys! Fat boys! Long stupid, skinny boys!!"
"I'm aware of the unsavory incidents at this house last year, and I shall not be falling into the same traps. A school scholarship is a gift, Milton, not an entitlement."
"Caspar Lee as Garlic"
"Genna Blair as Mermaid"