94 quotes found
"YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-E-CO?!?! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"[cross-eyed and with slight lisp] Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you? Is that why you treat us with such disrespect?"
"One... Two... Three... Do It!"
"Do what? GO FUCK YOUR SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I guess that's it for the old locker. She stinks like ass but I'll still miss her. I guess you could say that about all my girls."
"[refusing Captain Grady's bribe] I'm all highway."
"Liter is French for give me some fuckin' cola or I'll break vous's fuckin' lip!"
"I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn liter o' cola!"
"I just lost a buck... to myself!"
"I'll take six schlitzes... or whatever's free."
"I gotta bust criminals! It's what I gotta do!"
"What size cells are these? Eight by eight? Ours are nine by nine... no big deal."
"Oh, biker... I'm an idiot. [when Foster realizes that he misunderstood Ursula's disguise suggestion and dressed as a bicyclist]"
"You are freakin' out....man."
"[After Thorny says, "You smell somethin', Rabbit?"] *Sniffs* Fear."
"What, are you gonna light my ass on fire?"
"Canada, eh? Almost made it."
"[Deep voice] Mother of God."
"'Some male figure'? I'm his dad!"
"I am all that is MAN!"
"What? They can't lump us in with that fuckin' Martian."
"[Messing around with a photo on the station computer] Enhance... Enhance... Enhance..."
"Alright, who wants a moustache ride?"
"Sorry about that, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy."
"Let me guess- you just humped the mayor's wife and burned down city hall."
"[A repeated, sarcastic line, often said with an Irish accent] I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet."
"I scratched your back, Bruce! I scratched it good and hard! Now either you scratch my back, or you get my size ten boot up your ass!"
"Of *course* they started the fight! Now they've taken a jurisdictional grievance against us! I mean a murder on the highway! And you give them the investigation! Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies!"
"[About Farva, realizing he has betrayed O'Hagen and the others] We shoulda took him out back and shot him a long time ago."
"I invented this gag, Rabbit! Only in my day, the rookie got naked! [Fires the pistol he is holding at a State Police cruiser, shattering a window] And we also used blanks... You're a sick motherfucker, Mac."
"Look what I found! A two-by-four!"
"[Suddenly grabbing the radio while Foster is trying to apologize] URSULA! I'M NAKED!"
"Altered State Police"
"It's their highway. You're just driving on it."
"You don't mess with the law. The law messes with you."
"Jay Chandrasekhar as State Trooper Arcot 'Thorny' Ramathorn"
"Kevin Heffernan as State Trooper Rodney 'Rod' Farva"
"Steve Lemme as State Trooper MacIntyre 'Mac' Womack"
"Paul Soter as State Trooper Jeff Foster"
"Erik Stolhanske as State Trooper Robert 'Rabbit' Roto"
"Brian Cox as Captain John O'Hagen"
"Daniel von Bargen as Police Chief Bruce Grady"
"Jim Gaffigan as Larry Johnson"
"[On his habit of sleeping with underage girls] Everybody needs a hobby."
"[after wrecking his car] So that happened."
"Who designed these costumes? It looks like Edith Head puked, and that puke designed these costumes."
"It's not a lie. It's a gift for fiction."
"This is what my people died for... the right to make a movie in this town."
"I'm going to rip your heart out, then I'm going to piss on your lungs through the hole in your chest! And the best to Marian..."
"If your memory was as long as your dick, you'd be in good shape."
"Well, I'm gonna solve it here or this bimbo you sent me is gonna be doing a donkey act on public access television. Her tits her tits her tits her tits. That she signed in her contract! We hired her because of 10 years at the Actors Studio, the way she played Medea? Her last two pictures lay there on the screen like my first wife."
"I don't know what her problem is. She takes off her shirt to do a voice-over. What's her problem? The country could draw her tits from memory."
"William H. Macy - Walt Price"
"Philip Seymour Hoffman - Joseph Turner White"
"Alec Baldwin - Bob Barrenger"
"David Paymer - Marty Rossen"
"Sarah Jessica Parker - Claire Wellesly"
"Rebecca Pidgeon - Ann Black"
"Julia Stiles - Carla"
"Clark Gregg – Doug Mackenzie"
"Patti LuPone – Sherry Bailey"
"Charles Durning – Mayor George Bailey"
"Lionel Mark Smith – Bill Smith"
"Ricky Jay – Jack"
"Michael Higgins – Doc Wilson"
"Jonathan Katz – Howie Gold"
"Laura Silverman – Secretary"
"Michael Bradshaw – Town Priest"
"J. J. Johnston – Stationmaster"
"John Krasinski – Caddy / Judge's assistant"
"Cue the deer."
"We came to Redbud filled with hopes and dreams of a better life. And basically, we've seen those hopes and dreams crushed and battered before our very eyes."
"Call me Mr. Lamb Fries!"
"You don't know a damn thing about writing! You're a goddamn schoolteacher, not an editor!"
"As a novelist, I turned out to be a pretty good sportswriter."
"Being a fake is what I do best."
"When they say hardwood floors, what they really mean is hard, wood floors."
"What's going on, Andy...? You're sinking into a pit of self-pity, defeatism, and alcohol... and you're enjoying it!"
"Remember, Mrs. Farmer. Whenever you buy a house, whatever's in the ground belongs to you - whether it's gold or oil... or Claude Musselman. (starts chuckling)"
"Crocker: [reacting to Andy's anger about them, the movers, being late] You slept on the floor huh? We slept outside with the bugs and the wild animals. A bridge nearly killed us. Nobody knows where the hell Redbud is. And we haven't eaten since yesterday morning. So stay the hell out of our way and keep your mouth shut!"
"Mickey: This ain't a bridge. It's termites holding hands."
"Chevy Chase - Andy Farmer"
"Madolyn Smith - Elizabeth Farmer"
"Kevin O'Morrison - Sheriff Ledbetter"
"Alice Drummond - Ethel Dinges"
"Mike Starr - Crocker"
"Glenn Plummer - Mickey"
"Joseph Maher - Michael Sinclair, the publisher"
"Bill Fagerbakke - Lon Criterion"
"Nicholas Wyman - Dirk Criterion"
"William Newman - Gus Lotterhand"
"William Duell - Old Character"
"Jack Gilpin - Bud Culbertson"
"Caris Corfman - Betsy Culbertson"