131 quotes found
"No, no, no, shit-head, you hooked up with one other girl for what, ten seconds? Not to mention that you passed on Nadia, dumbest fucking thing ever. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno."
"It's on like Donkey Kong, biotch."
"My dick looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls. Hey Finch, you want this for here or to go?"
"Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand? [Hits Finch in the groin] Bangkok!"
"Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake."
"If you'll excuse me, I have some shit to attend to."
"Gee, thanks for inviting me to the graduation party, fucker."
"Congratulation, Jism!"
"Happy "Fuck Day", Ass Mouth! What happened to my invite? Get lost in the mail, Fuckface?"
"Told ya that guy wanted to fuck me."
"It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-fucker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and I'm gonna rock out with my cock out."
"Everyone wants a piece of the Stifmeister."
"Oh wedding this, suck my ass that. I'm special, you're special, we're all just a bunch of special fuckers. Well, you know what? Im-a gonna get laid Finch-fucker and it's going to be like oh so good. And I'm gonna' be like "You like this shit, mama?" and she's gonna be like "Fucking right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow!""
"Fine. Adios!"
"Hey, flower-fuckers, you there?!"
"Save it, dickhead, I'm working."
"This sucks! [Kevin & Finch look at him] Did I say that out loud? [Whispers to Jim] Keep going, man. It's good."
"Fuckface! What part of "This sucks my ass" do you not under-fucking-stand?!"
"Suck my dick. Ron Jeremy"
"Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar"
"Fuck you Finch, you didn't eat shit OK, you didn't prance around here like a ballerina for the whole week. (Cadence appears) Oh wedding this, suck my ass that. I'm special, you're special, we're all just a bunch of special fuckers aren't we? Well, you know what? I'm-a gonna get laid Finch-fucker and it's going to be like "oh so good". It's gonna' be like "Do you like this shit, mama?" and she's gonna be like "Fucking right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow!" Like... [sucking noise] Moo (Not amused Cadence)[sucking noise] Moo. [sucking noise] Moo. (Looks at Cadence) You been here long?"
"Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. This is huge; it's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time."
"Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls."
"Jim, I had trouble finding the words to tell you how I feel. And I realized something. Love isn't just a feeling. Love is something you do. It's a dress, a visit to band camp. A special haircut. Jim, you've given me everything I ever wanted, and it is my solemn vow to give everything I am to you."
"Hey I'm gonna give you a little piece of advice: love life, get paid, then get laid. That is the basic philosophy of... The Finch-meister!"
"Voltaire can suck on my balls!"
"Oh, Stifler's Mom!"
"I did fuck your Mom... Twice!"
"Jim's Dad: Son, step away from the animal..."
"This time they're going all the way."
"Forever hold your piece."
"Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein"
"Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler"
"Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty"
"Eddie Kaye Thomas - Paul Finch"
"Thomas Ian Nicholas - Kevin Myers"
"January Jones - Cadence Flaherty"
"Eugene Levy - Jim's Dad"
"Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the Coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!"
"Let's get Tropical!"
"It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes!"
"When they look back in the annals of history, people are gonna be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl."
"GODDAMN IT, VAKIDIS, LEARN FUCKIN' ENGLISH!"
"I'm so excited, I can't even...feel my arms!"
"EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!"
"(to Monix) I wish you were still a washing machine!"
"SUCK MY COCK, I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!"
"Heaven wants us to win this game! I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!"
"EVERYBODY PANIC! IT'S JUST LIKE THE TITANIC, BUT IT'S FULL OF BEARS!"
"If you see a possum, try to kill it. It's not a pet."
"SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!"
"Get the funk outta my face. Get. The. Funk. Outta My Face."
"You...motherfucking cocksuckers!"
"Petrelli: How come it says "Monix" on your jersey when your name's "Pussy"?"
"Cornelius Banks: Ohhhh, I did get shot!"
"Dick Pepperfield: Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine as they carry him off the court."
"Alan the Commissioner: No, no, Jackie, don't bite yourself!"
"Dick Pepperfield: Here comes the Alley...and there goes the Oop!"
"Clarence Coffee Black: Who the fuck is Bambi?"
"The Greatest Fro on Earth."
"Putting the funk into the dunk."
"Will Ferrell – Jackie Moon"
"André Benjamin – Clarence Withers / Coffee Black / Downtown "Funky Stuff" Malone"
"Woody Harrelson – Ed Monix"
"Andrew Daly - Dick Pepperfield"
"Will Arnett - Lou Redwood"
"Matt Walsh – Father Pat"
"Andy Richter – Bobby Dee"
"Jay Phillips – Scootsie Double Day"
"Josh Braaten – Twiggy Munson"
"Peter Cornell – Vakidis"
"DeRay Davis – Bee Bee Ellis"
"David Koechner – Alan Ault"
"Maura Tierney – Lynn"
"Rob Corddry – Kyle"
"Jackie Earle Haley - Dukes"
"Jason Sudeikis - Danny"
"Tim Meadows - Cornelius Banks"
"Kristen Wiig - Bear Trainer Girl"
"Ed Helms - Turtleneck reporter"
"Brian Huskey - White Pants reporter"
"Collette Wolfe - Melinda"
"Ian Roberts - Spurs Coach"
"Phil Hendrie - Nets Coach"
"Pat Kilbane - Petrelli"
"Patti LaBelle - Jackie's Mom"
"Ellia English - Ms. Quincy"
"Artis Gilmore - Restaurant customer #1"
"George Gervin - Restaurant customer #2"
"Well, the million tourists never came to Flint. The Hyatt went bankrupt and was put up for sale, Waterstreet Pavillion saw most of its stores go out of business, and only six months after opening, Autoworld closed due to a lack of visitors. I guess it was like expecting a million people a year to go to New Jersey to Chemicalworld, or a million people going to Valdez, Alaska for Exxonworld. Some people just don't like to celebrate human tragedy while on vacation."
"Well I failed to bring Roger to Flint. As we neared the end of the twentieth century, the rich were richer, the poor, poorer. And people everywhere now had a lot less lint, thanks to the lint rollers made in my hometown. It was truly the dawn of a new era."
"Meanwhile, the more fortunate in Flint were holding their annual Great Gatsby party at the home of one of GM's founding families. To show that they weren't totally insensitive to the plight of others, they hired local people to be human statues at the party."
"Although most people in Flint were now too poor to afford a room at the Hyatt, the hotel allowed the public on opening day to ride the city's only escalator."
"My favorite was the exhibit sponsored by General Motors: a puppet auto worker singing a love song to the robot replacing him on the assembly line. The song was called "Me and My Buddy"."
"These people who buy their kids new school clothes instead of paying the rent need to change their system."
"I can't imagine somebody getting married to someone as poor as you. It gets kind of rough. Put two poor people in the same house... I always tell women "You can be poor by yourself, you don't need any help". And she just got some help, being poor."
"The story of a rebel and his mike."
"As a lawyer, I've had to learn that people aren't just good or just bad. People are many things."
"The prosecution would like to separate the motive from the act. Well, that's like trying to take the core from an apple without breaking the skin."
"I'm just a humble country lawyer trying to do the best I can against this brilliant prosecutor from the big city of Lansing."
"[after cross-examining a convicted felon] Your Honor, I don't think I can dignify this - -creature - - with any more questions."
"Look, Laura, believe me, I don't usually complain of an attractive jiggle, but just you save that jiggle for your husband to look at, if and when I get him out of jail."
"Twelve people go off into a room: twelve different minds, twelve different hearts, from twelve different walks of life; twelve sets of eyes, ears, shapes, and sizes. And these twelve people are asked to judge another human being as different from them as they are from each other. And in their judgment, they must become of one mind - unanimous. It's one of the miracles of Man's disorganized soul that they can do it, and in most instances, do it right well. God bless juries."
"The lieutenant goes to Quill's place and plugs Mr. Quill about five times, which causes Mr. Quill to promptly die of lead poisoning."
"You know I used to think the world looked better through a glass of whiskey. It doesn't. I think I'll keep it this way. Looks nice."
"One judge is quite like another. The only differences may be in the state of their digestions or their proclivities for sleeping on the bench. For myself, I can digest pig iron. And while I might appear to doze occasionally, you will find that I am easily awakened, particularly if shaken gently by a good lawyer with a nice point of law."
"For the benefit of the jury, but more especially for the spectators, The garment mentioned in the testimony was, to be exact, Mrs. Manion's panties. [spectators roar with laughter] I wanted to get your snickering over and done with. This pair of panties will be mentioned again over the course of this trial, and when it is, there will not be one laugh, one snicker, one giggle or even one smirk in my courtroom. There is nothing comic about a pair of panties that resulted in the violent death of one man and the possible incarceration of another."
"Now, Mr. Dancer, get off the panties. You've done enough damage."
"James Stewart - Paul Biegler"
"Lee Remick - Laura Manion"
"Ben Gazzara - Lt. Frederick Manion"
"Arthur O'Connell - Parnell Emmett McCarthy"
"Eve Arden - Maida Rutledge"
"Kathryn Grant - Mary Pilant"
"George C. Scott - Claude Dancer"
"Orson Bean - Dr. Matthew Smith"
"Russ Brown - George Lemon"
"Murray Hamilton - Alphonse Paquette"
"Brooks West - Mitch Lodwick"
"Ken Lynch - Sgt. James Durgo"
"John Qualen - Deputy Sheriff Sulo"
"Howard McNear - Dr. Dompierre"
"Alexander Campbell - Dr. Gregory Harcourt"
"Ned Wever - Dr. Raschid"
"Jimmy Conlin - Clarence Madigan"
"Royal Beal - Sheriff Battisfore"
"Joseph Kearns - Mr. Burke, crime scene photographer"
"Don Ross - Duke Miller"
"Lloyd Le Vasseur - Court clerk"
"James Waters - Army sergeant"
"Joseph N. Welch - Judge Weaver"