172 quotes found
"There he is, the big guy!"
"I don't even know what the fuck a quail is!"
"I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a fucking race horse."
"It's the first quarter of the big game and you wanna toss up a hail Mary? I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula! Look, we've been to a million weddings and you know what? We've rocked them all."
"You better lock it up."
"Oh please! You and I both know I'm a phenomenal dancer!"
"I don't even wear a belt...beltless."
"Rule number 76: no excuses. Play like a champion."
"You go have fun. I'm gonna go ice my balls and spit up blood, Team Player!"
"Did you hear what I just said to you? Stage five? Virgin? Clinger? Let’s go, I’m gonna start the car, I’m serious, let’s go."
"I don’t think that you’re appreciating the urgency here. Not only is she a virgin, she’s totally off the reservation. I’m terrified of this broad."
"I'm a little too traumatized to enjoy a scone right now."
"I was first-team All-State. I can put the ball wherever I want to. I'll make it rain out here."
"I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it."
"It feels so good when he jokes."
"Lock it up!"
"The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me."
"Yeah that, or it could have been the midnight rape, or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night."
"Give me a break! That was my first Asian!"
"I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup! I love it on pancakes, I love it on pizza! I love to take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?"
"Proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me."
"I'm a cocksman!"
"You motor-boating son of a bitch, you old sailor you!"
"I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid and his name was Shiloh. We used to play checkers with each other every day and bless his heart, Shiloh'd always let me win!"
"This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!"
"I felt like Jodie Foster in 'The Accused'"
"I hope you flip your bike over and knock out your two front teeth, you selfish son-of-a-bitch!"
"Crab cakes and football, that's what Maryland does!"
"Are you ready to have the noise brought on you?"
"That's what we call a sack lunch! Num-num-num-num-num!"
"Daiquiris."
"Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease."
"You know, she's not just another notch on your belt."
"Now Todd, it wouldn't kill ya to play some competitive sports, once in a while, would it?"
"Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!"
"Nature versus nurture, Lodge. Nature always wins."
"[about Todd] Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I've seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!"
"Sailor! Good Man."
"Death, you are my Bitch Lover!"
"I made you a painting ... I call the painting 'Celebration'(shows painting). It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it."
"Would that make you love me?!"
"I'll be in my room painting homo things."
"I'll pop out at the right moment!"
"Let's play tummy sticks."
"We had a moment at the dinner table."
"Jeremy tried to seduce me!"
"What the fuck do you want?"
"God darn you! I almost nun-chucked you. You don't even realize!"
"I'm just living the dream."
"Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?!"
"Hey, Ma! The meatloaf! We want it now! The meatloaf!"
"What is she doing? I never know what she is doing back there."
"Ma! The meatloaf! Fuck!"
"Come on in for the real thing."
"It's like fishing with dynamite."
"Dude died in a hang gliding accident. What an idiot! Ha ha. "A-a-ah! I'm hang-gliding, honey! Take a good picture! I'm dead!" What a freak!"
"(Upon finding out that Jeremy is getting married) What?! What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for me and you!"
"You're coming with!"
"Wife: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"
"Husband: Yeah, that's right, go comatose for me, baby!"
"Grandma: He was a doll! The wife, though, Eleanor, big dyke. Huge dyke. A real rug muncher. Looked like a big lesbian mule."
"Chazz's mom: Chazz, there's someone here to see you! And pick up your fucking skateboard!"
"Husband: Hey, I got an idea, why don't you just kiss my left nut!"
"On July 15, they're coming to your wedding...with or without invitations."
"They're just a couple of guys who need a good wife."
"Hide Your actual IQ rating."
"Life's a Blessing, Remember to Pray."
"Life's a party. Crash it."
"Owen Wilson as John Beckwith"
"Vince Vaughn as Jeremy Grey"
"Christopher Walken as United States Secretary of the Treasury William Cleary"
"Rachael McAdams as Claire Cleary"
"Isla Fisher as Gloria Cleary"
"Jane Seymour as Kathleen "Kitty Kat" Cleary"
"Ellen Albertini Dow as "Grandma" Mary Cleary (final film role)"
"Keir O'Donnell as Todd Cleary"
"Bradley Cooper as Sack Lodge"
"Henry Gibson as Father O'Neil"
"Ron Canada as Randolph"
"Jenny Alden as Christina Cleary"
"Will Ferrell (uncredited) as Chazz Reinhold"
"Doria Baird as Vivian"
"Dwight Yoakam and Rebecca De Mornay as Mr. and Mrs. Kroger"
"Kathryn Joosten as Mrs. Reinhold"
"Richard Riehle (uncredited) as Funeral guest"
"[taunts Thomas Gabriel] I know I'm not as smart as you guys at all this computer shit. But, hey... I'm still alive, ain't I? I mean, you've GOT to be running out of bad guys by now, right? Huh? Gabriel? Honestly, you can tell me. I mean, how does that work? Got some kind of service or something? Some kind of 800 number? 1-800-HENCHMEN? Oh, you know what? I bet you're still on hold with, "Can I get another dead Asian hooker bitch over here right away?""
"[sees Farrell's leg wound] Hey, chicks dig scars. [notices Farrell looking at his daughter Lucy] Not that one."
"Yippee Ki Yay Mo - John 6:27"
"Bruce Willis - John McClane"
"Justin Long - Matthew Farrell"
"Timothy Olyphant - Thomas Gabriel"
"Maggie Q - Mai Linh"
"Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Lucy McClane"
"Cliff Curtis - Miguel Bowman"
"Tim Russ - Agent Summers"
"Kevin Smith - Warlock (Freddie)"
"Jonathan Sadowski - Trey"
"Don't tell me. My doorman's another one of your admirers."
"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me."
"So, um, may be you and I should, you know, what do you think, Huh?"
"A toast to, uh to Maggie's family and friends. May you find yourselves the bulls-eye of an easy target. May you be publicly flogged for all of your bad choices. And may your noses be rubbed in all of your mistakes."
"You're a cynical, explotive, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit."
"There is a distinct possibility that I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up."
"Dear Editor: Greetings from the sticks. Perhaps you believe that a rural education is focused mainly on hog calling and tractor maintenance rather than reading. Why else would you print a piece of fiction about me and call it fact? I suppose Mr.Graham was too busy thinking up slanderous statements about how I dump men for kicks to bother with something silly like accuracy in reporting, which is understandable because with a man-eater like me on the loose, who has time to check facts? That's why I was surprised to find Mr. Graham's editor was a woman. Call me a sentimental fool, but I sort of hoped we man-eaters could stick together. Anyway, I'm just dropping you big-city folk this little note to say that I have thought of a ritual sacrifice that would satisfy my current appetite: Ike Graham's column on a platter. Yours truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S., I have enclosed a list of the gross factual misinterpretations in your article. There are fifteen."
"Julia Roberts - Margaret "Maggie" Carpenter"
"Richard Gere - Homer "Ike" Eisenhower Graham"
"Joan Cusack - Peggy Flemming"
"Héctor Elizondo - Fisher"
"Rita Wilson - Ellie Graham"
"Paul Dooley - Walter Carpenter"
"Christopher Meloni - Bob Kelly"
"Lisa Roberts Gillan - Elaine from Manhattan"
"Donal Logue - Priest Brian Norris"
"Reg Rogers - George "Bug Guy" Swilling"
"Yul Vazquez - Dead Head Gill Chavez"
"(Upon being accosted by a redneck) Oh yeah? Suck this."
"(To Peggy) Am I going to have a problem with you, too?"
"Well, can you tell the bitch at the cashier to do her fucking job!"
"(To Peggy) Keep your change!"
"(Repeated line) Earth, Air, Fire, Water!"
"Widdershins! Undo the Evil."
"(Reciting) Naiga kcab era sdik eht. (Reversal of The kids are back again)"
"(To Stephen) But you can't understand, because you're so afraid! Just like those pathetic little children from the Blair Village."
"(To Kim) I can smell fear on you!"
"(About The Blair Witch Project) I couldn't see the movie when it first came out, because I was... (Pauses) In hospital. But since I was released, I have seen it, like, seventeen times."
"(About tourists in Burkittsville) And when people come to my town, they come up to me and hug me, like, they say "It's real, man" and I'm like "Yeah, I know it's real too, dude". We've got a bond, man, like a connection."
"(About Kim) She's a little weird. She thinks she's psychic or some shit."
"That's right, my friends. For two glorious days and nights we will be walking the same path that the Witch herself once walked. Following the same path where her victim's blood was split, possibly using your own souls in the process."
"(About their destination) The ruins of Rustin Parr's house."
"(To a tour guide in the woods) Your balls will fall off in three days!"
"(About his girlfriend Tristen's death) It was all an accident! I swear to Christ it was all an accident!!"
"(Upon being asked if Tristen will be OK) I don't know."
"Look, I'm just really stressed out, OK!?!"
"(To a German tourist) Just give us till dawn and we're out of here. We're cold, we're tired, and we're a little freaked out. We saw something at the Coffin Rock today."
"(To tourists running into the Black Hills) Get out of those woods and go home! Because there's no goddamn Blair Witch!"
"(About the corpses of the German tourists) Their bodies were laid out in the shape of a pentagram! Does that sound familiar?"
"Evil Doesn't Die."
"You can't go forward until you go back... the blair witch experience more terrifying than ever"
"The terror continues..."
"Jeffrey Donovan - Jeff Patterson"
"Tristine Skyler - Tristen"
"Erica Leerhseen - Erica"
"Stephen Barker Turner - Steven Ryan Parker"
"Lanny Flarhtey - Sheriff Ronald Cravens"
"[After a colleague asks if he is alright after having fallen to the ground] I'm having a heart attack, you idiot."
"[last lines] I can feel your incriminations. And your judgment. And I am fine with it. You want to be loved, go be a movie star. The world is as you find it, you gotta deal with that reality, and there are monsters in this world. We saw 3,000 innocent people burned to death by those monsters. And yet you object when I refuse to kiss those monsters on the cheek and say "pretty please." You answer me this: what terrorist attack would you have let go forward so you wouldn't seem like a mean and nasty fella? I will not apologize for keeping your families safe. And I will not apologize for doing what needed to be done, so that your loved ones can sleep peaceably at night. It has been my honor to be your servant. You chose me, and I did what you asked."
"As the world becomes more and more confusing, we tend to focus on the things that are right there in front of us while ignoring the massive forces that actually change and shape our lives. And, with people working longer and longer hours for less and less, when we do have free time, the last thing we want is complicated analysis on our government, lobbying, international trade agreement, and tax bills. So it's no surprise that, when a monotone, bureaucratic Vice President came to power, we hardly noticed as he achieved a position of authority that very few leaders in the history of America ever had."
"Christian Bale – Dick Cheney"
"Amy Adams – Lynne Cheney"
"Steve Carell – Donald Rumsfeld"
"Sam Rockwell – George W. Bush"
"Tyler Perry – Colin Powell"
"Alison Pill – Mary Cheney"
"Lily Rabe – Liz Cheney"
"Jesse Plemons – Kurt, the narrator"
"Justin Kirk – Scooter Libby"
"Don McManus – David Addington"
"LisaGay Hamilton – Condoleezza Rice"
"Stephen Adly Guirgis – George Tenet"
"Matthew Jacobs – Antonin Scalia"
"Shea Whigham – Wayne Vincent"
"Eddie Marsan – Paul Wolfowitz"
"Stefania LaVie Owen – Joan"
"Adam Bartley – Frank Luntz"
"Kirk Bovill – Henry Kissinger"
"Jillian Armenante – Karen Hughes"
"Bill Camp – Gerald Ford"
"Fay Masterson – Edna Vincent"
"Alfred Molina – Waiter"
"Naomi Watts – News Anchor"
"Joseph Beck – Karl Rove"
"Paul Perri – Trent Lott"