127 quotes found
"I like her hair. I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes."
"When life hands you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bail."
"Let me just say that if God was a city planner, he would not put a playground next to a sewage system."
"You've got Christ between your thighs... but with a shorter beard."
"[In response to Matthew the waiter's question about how Aldous liked his CD] Oh, I was gonna listen to your CD, but then I just went on living my life."
"I would rather have my testicles spread wafer thin and then sort of pasted with honey and then have wasps unleashed at my own genitals and then I would like the resulting stings to be covered in vinegar and sort of worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi."
"From the guys who brought you "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up""
"The ultimate romantic disaster movie"
"When Peter got dumped by his girlfriend, he wanted to get as far away as possible. Apparently... so did she"
"A comedy about getting dumped, and taking it like a man."
"Jason Segel - Peter "Pete" Bretter"
"Kristen Bell - Sarah Marshall"
"Mila Kunis - Rachel Jansen"
"Russell Brand - Aldous Snow"
"Jack McBrayer - Darald Braden"
"Bill Hader - Brian Bretter"
"Jonah Hill - Matthew Van Der Wyk"
"Liz Cackowski - Liz Bretter"
"Da'Vone McDonald - Dwayne"
"Maria Thayer - Wyoma Braden"
"Paul Rudd - Chuck / Kunu"
"Jason Bateman - Animal Instincts Detective"
"William Baldwin - Himself / Det. Hunter Rush"
"Teila Tuli - Kimo"
"Branscombe Richmond - Keoki"
"I don't need easy, I just need possible."
"Surfing isn't the most important thing in life. Love is. I've had the chance to embrace more people with one arm than I ever"
"AnnaSophia Robb as Bethany Hamilton"
"Helen Hunt as Cheri Hamilton"
"Dennis Quaid as Tom Hamilton"
"Carrie Underwood as Sarah Hill"
"Kevin Sorbo as Holt Blanchard"
"Ross Thomas as Noah Hamilton"
"Chris Brochu as Timmy Hamilton"
"Lorraine Nicholson as Alana Blanchard"
"Jeremy Sumpter as Byron Blanchard"
"Sonia Balmores Chung as Malina Birch"
"Craig T. Nelson as Dr. David Rovinsky"
"Cody Gomes as Keoki"
"Branscombe Richmond as Ben"
"Arlene Newman-Van Asperen as Cydney Blanchard"
"Nadeen Ayman as Jenny"
"Tiffany Hofstetter as Rosemary"
"Dutch Hofstetter, Jr. as Brandon"
"Bailey Nagy as Olivia Jenner"
"Leilani Gryde as Zoe Madsen"
"Kristen Steiner as Kaila Kahani"
"Bethany Hamilton as Herself (archive footage)"
"Alana Blanchard as Herself (archive footage)"
"[voiceover] Don't be fooled by appearances. In Hawaii, some of the most powerful people look like bums and stuntmen."
"[voiceover] Paradise? Paradise can go fuck itself."
"I don't want my daughters growing up entitled and spoiled... but I agree with my father; you give your children enough money to do something but not enough to do nothing."
"What is it that makes the women in my life destroy themselves?"
"[to Alex, about Brian Speer] On the phone he can escape, in person, he's got nowhere to go. I wanna see his face."
"[to Brian Speer] Elizabeth is dying. Wait... Fuck you! And she's dying."
"[to Elizabeth] Goodbye, Elizabeth. Goodbye, my love, my friend, my pain, my joy. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye."
"Hey, Scottie! Reina's a hoe-bag and you need to stay away from her! And she's going to be a meth-head and she's gonna get used by stupid guys! She's a twat! Say it!"
"When I was over at Christmas, I caught her with the guy. It made me sick to see her near you. I went back to school thinking that that was it... that I was just done with her. I was gonna call and tell you everything, and... and then the accident happened, and... I was waiting until she woke up, I guess. You didn't even suspect. Right? Right? You disgusted me too. You're always so busy."
"I have gotten my act together. I was just drinking."
"[to Matt] It's ironic, Elizabeth in this misfortune just as you come into your fortune."
"George Clooney - Matt King"
"Shailene Woodley - Alexandra "Alex" King"
"Judy Greer - Julie Speer"
"Beau Bridges - Cousin Hugh"
"Nick Krause - Sid"
"Amara Miller - Scottie King"
"Matthew Lillard - Brian Speer"
"Robert Forster - Scott Thorson"
"Patricia Hastie - Elizabeth King"
"Mary Birdsong - Kai Mitchell"
"Rob Huebel - Mark Mitchell"
"Milt Kogan - Dr. Johnston"
"Laird Hamilton - Troy Cook"
"Michael Ontkean - Cousin Milo"
"Matt Corboy - Cousin Ralph"
"Sometimes a guy's best wingman... is a wingwoman."
"Sometime you need a girl, to get the girl."
"Adam Sandler as Dr. Danny Maccabee"
"Jennifer Aniston as Katherine Murphy/Devlin Maccabee"
"Bailee Madison as Maggie Murphy"
"Griffin Gluck as Michael Murphy"
"Nicole Kidman as Devlin Adams"
"Nick Swardson as Eddie Simms / Dolph Lundgren"
"Brooklyn Decker as Palmer Dodge"
"Dave Matthews as Ian Maxtone-Jones"
"[narrating the first lines of the movie] There was a time I knew everything in the sky. Every satellite, every constellation, souvenirs of space walks and astronauts and rockets launched by NASA in the '60s. As a kid, I looked up and felt the future. It belonged to me."
"In any of its many forms, I have found that nothing beats fun."
"Bradley Cooper as Brian Gilcrest"
"Emma Stone as Alison Ng"
"Rachel McAdams as Tracy Woodside"
"Bill Murray as Carson Welch"
"John Krasinski as Major John "Woody" Woodside"
"Danny McBride as Colonel "Fingers" Lacy"
"Alec Baldwin as General Dixon"
"Bill Camp as Bob Largent"
"Michael Chernus as Roy"
"Danielle Rose Russell as Grace Woodside"
"Jaeden Martell as Mitchell Woodside"
"Edi Gathegi as Lieutenant Colonel Curtis"
"Ivana Miličević as Carson's biographer"
"Bumpy Kanahele as himself"
"[sitting on a tree branch with Alice] I think you're nice."
"[making out with Alice on a picnic table] Wait, there's people everywhere."
"Let's Erin Brockovich this bitch!"
"You look like "Burn Victim Barbie"."
"They have The Rodfather. I don't know if we're going to get it though if we haven't seen The Godfather."
"Zac Efron as Dave Stangle"
"Adam DeVine as Mike Stangle"
"Anna Kendrick as Alice Davis"
"Aubrey Plaza as Tatiana"
"Stephen Root as Burt Stangle"
"Stephanie Faracy as Rosie Stangle"
"Sugar Lyn Beard as Jeanie Stangle"
"Sam Richardson as Eric Huddle"
"Alice Wetterlund as Cousin Terry"
"Mary Holland as Becky"
"Marc Maron as Randy"
"Jake Johnson as Ronnie"
"It's not Ben anymore."
"Dangerously close to human."
"Something's wrong with Ben."
"They thought he was family."
"— Lucy Pinborough"
"Victoria Wyant — Kate"
"Gia Hunter — Erin Pinborough"
"Benjamin Cheng — Nick"
"— Adam Pinborough"