89 quotes found
"I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, AND I'm armed! Don't MESS with me!"
"Look, she's gonna cry again. [imitating winner] 'Oh, if I only had a brain."'"
"Hey! I'm GLIDING here!"
"I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap."
"There are no words."
"Eyebrows. There should be TWO."
"Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown."
"[to Gracie] If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced."
"Unpolished. Unkempt. Unleashed. Undercover."
"She's Got A Killer To Catch... Right After The Swimsuit Competition."
"Never Mess With An Agent In A Dress."
"Sandra Bullock - Gracie Hart"
"Michael Caine - Victor Melling"
"Benjamin Bratt - Eric Matthews"
"Candice Bergen - Cathy Morningside"
"Ernie Hudson - FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald"
"William Shatner - Stan Fields"
"Heather Burns - Cheryl Frasier, Miss Rhode Island"
"With due respect, sir. Inside every honest man, there's a thief trying to get out..."
"The giant horse cock weighs over 11 pounds. That's a lot of mollusk."
"In a dangerous world of mystery and intrigue, she's going undercover searching for the truth."
"In a world of unseen danger and unspoken passion, lies a mystery one woman is determined to solve."
"Melanie Griffith — Emily Eden"
"John Pankow — Levine"
"Tracy Pollan — Mara"
"Lee Richardson — Rebbe"
"Mia Sara — Leah"
"Jamey Sheridan — Nick"
"Eric Thal — Ariel"
"David Margulies — Lt. Oliver"
"Burtt Harris — Emily's Father"
"James Gandolfini — Tony Baldessari"
"Chris Latta — Chris Baldessari"
"Marie Holst — Rabbi's Wife"
"Jake Weber — Yaakov Klausman"
"Rena Sofer - Shayna"
"Oh yeah? Well, your mother's ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, "Only in America"!"
"Exqueeze me?"
"I got the buckwheat."
"Teach him how to say, "Quiero Taco Bell". 'Kay?"
"Yo mama's so old, her breast milk is powdered. You breastfeed like this."
"Yeah, hasta la vista Schwarzenegro. Okay, bye."
"I'm so freakin' pissed! First of all, Dr. Dorfman totally messes up my nose job; I asked him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get out of the surgery table lookin' like frickin' Shrek!"
"Hold my poodle."
"What a beautiful chocolate man."
"I don't see why I gotta go out with Buffy the White Girl Slayer!"
"White meat only."
"Once you go black, you're gonna need a wheelchair."
"Easy white chocolate, I wouldn't want you to melt."
"Did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?"
"Someone get this jiggaboo away from me."
"[Marcus/Tiffany sprays him with mace] She don't know it yet... oh, but that's wifey right there."
"[while eating oysters] Tongue's kinda big."
"[after A Thousand Miles begins to play] How did you know? I love this song!"
"Shawn Wayans as Kevin Copeland"
"Marlon Wayans as Marcus Copeland"
"Busy Philipps as Karen Googlestein"
"Jessica Cauffiel as Tori"
"Jennifer Carpenter as Lisa"
"Jaime King as Heather Vandergeld"
"Brittany Daniel as Megan Vandergeld"
"Terry Crews as Latrell Spencer"
"The Most Famous Secret Agent Of All Is Back In A New Adventure!"
"Henry Silva — Mr. Moto"
"Terence Longdon — Jonathan Westering, MI5"
"Suzanne Lloyd — Maxine Powell"
"Martin Wyldeck — Helmut "Dargo" Engle"
"w:Marne Maitland – Wasir Hussein"
"Brian Coburn — Magda, Hussein's Henchman"
"Stanley Morgan — Inspector Jim Halliday"
"Peter Zander — Charles Ginelli"
"Harold Kasket — Shahrdar of Wadi"
"Antony Booth — Hovath"
"Gordon Tanner — Russell McAllister"
"Henry Gilbert — David Lennox"
"Richard Evans — Chief Inspector Marlow"
"Ian Fleming — Rogers"
"Shut up! Don't say anything, don't do anything, just fucking sit there!"
"[after Dan has foiled the gang's convenience store robbery] You just stepped on your meat, man."
"[to Dan] You can't tell the knife from the fuckin' wound anymore."
"Charlie Sheen - Dan Saxon/Sid/William Patrick Steiner"
"Linda Fiorentino - Renee Jason"
"Michael Madsen - "Blood""
"Courtney B. Vance - Conroy Price"
"Rip Torn - Deputy Butch Prescott"
"Leon Rippy - Virgil"
"Dennis Burkley - Oatmeal"
"Rino Thunder - Charlie "Bogus Charlie""
"Larry Ferguson - Sheriff Bob Kelly"