34 quotes found
"Well, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers."
"McKinley, four lower campers are stuck in the ropes course. I meant to tell you about that yesterday, but could you get to it now?"
"I love sluts! Sluts rock! It's just, you know, it's just gotta be the right slut, you know?"
"[to Katie] I want you inside me!"
"Wait, Katie! When we first started hanging out together this morning, we were just friends, but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. And, I ju-I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So, I'm coming to you, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man, a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her, and yes-have sex with her, but no seriously Katie, I-I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I-I love it that sometimes for no reason you're late for shul, and I don't care that you're bowlegged and I don't care that you're bilingual, all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I've always wanted you."
"As everybody knows, this week is the big culminating, climactic game against evil Camp Tigerclaw. We have put together an unlikely team of misfits, and we've been training like crazy all summer. Yeah, it's a motley crew that you'd think would never be able to win a single game. We had a kooky training period where it seemed like... well, it seemed like NOTHING was gonna go right. But, guys, somehow we made it to the finals. So I say, when those anonymously evil campers from Camp Tigerclaw get here, we give it our best shot, and we try to come from behind at the last minute with some weird trick play that we made up and we win the game. What do you say, team?"
"You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore."
"Oh, fuck my cock!"
"Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them."
"OK, stop! I feel like I'm watching regional theatre, you guys! God, am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to exercise it! Take a break! Think about what you've done."
"Listen, Coop - last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you. But you're really nice, I mean everybody thinks so. And, I'm sorry if this isn't the direction you saw things going between us. I still totally wanna be friends. You better write me a letter, okay?"
"If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass, just be honest about it. Look Gene, I've never told anyone this before, but I can suck my own dick, and I do it a lot."
"High Times. Hard Bodies. Soft Rock."
"It was the last day of summer camp. It was the first day of the third week in August."
"Janeane Garofalo - Beth"
"David Hyde Pierce - Henry Newman"
"Molly Shannon - Gail von Kleinenstein"
"Paul Rudd - Andy"
"Christopher Meloni - Gene"
"Michael Showalter - Gerald "Coop" Cooperberg / Alan Shemper"
"Marguerite Moreau - Katie"
"Michael Ian Black - McKinley"
"Zak Orth - J.J."
"A.D. Miles - Gary"
"Elizabeth Banks - Lindsay"
"Ken Marino - Victor"
"Joe Lo Truglio - Neil"
"Amy Poehler - Susie"
"Kevin Sussman - Steve"
"Bradley Cooper - Ben"
"Marisa Ryan - Abby"
"Judah Friedlander - Ron"
"H. Jon Benjamin - Can of Mixed Vegetables"
"Jared Reiter - Roger the Master Broom Balancer"