35 quotes found
"Hazel: I don't think inflatable sheep are considered "stuffed animals.""
"Hazel: Honey, he's hot, charming, funny, and well-dressed...inevitably, that adds up to "loves the cock.""
"Jameson: My and all this time I thought you couldn't smell jealousy."
"Jamie: You know, I'd say you're cute when you're jealous, but you're really not that cute."
"Hazel: Why are all my best compliments in the form of insults?"
"Hazel: I've never despised an ellipsis so much in my life."
"Jamie: Well, how do you know they don't use the Dewey Decimal System in porn stores?"
"Hazel: I think I just lost my status as "meanest character.""
"Chris: I thought dead hooker jokes were just JOKES!!"
"Scott: I take it I'm the only one in the room with a steady sex life."
"Hazel: Okay...Denial, Anger, Bargaining...I think I'll skip straight to Depression."
"Hazel: Believe it or not, this is ENTIRELY about me."
"Hazel: You're so mean it makes ME look good."
"Candy: How dare you analyze me so correctly!"
"Jamie: What IS wrong with Jim?"
"Jamie: Somewhere, in an alternate universe, you and I are covered in badges!"
"Jim: It wasn't a vacation. It was a leave of embarrassment."
"Jamie: I think about kids all the time! I hear they're delicious sauteed in butter."
"Maureen: Jamie, your breasts are...legendary."
"Jamie: Wow. And you aren't even sleeping together."
"Hazel: What's this? A miniature pony?"
"Jamie: We need a Heartbreak Bacardi and some free bartender advice over here!"
"Hazel: Calling it a "meeting" instead of "drinks" takes all the fun out of it."
"Hazel: Why do you always freak out when I'm in a good mood?"
"Hazel: How's it shakin', eggs 'n' bacon?"
"Hazel: That wasn't me, that was my ovaries."
"Jameson: Oh, thank GOD, you're finally getting LAID!"
"David: If you're suggesting I have bitchtits, I'm mildly offended. Unless you like bitchtits."
"Jameson: Sorry, I'm afraid you need less Asshole Points to access that information."
"Zach: They're OLD PEOPLE, not ZOMBIES!"
"Hazel: "Why are my cat's farts so nasty?" Oh Internet, is there nothing you don't know."
"Jamie: Remind me to trick you into complimenting me more often."
"Candy: Whoa, is that kangaroo hide?"
"Zach: Nonsense, you're far too sober to dump me."
"Davan: Which side has the crazier women? I want to feel at home."