"Cindy, the news is on! Another little white girl done fell down a well. Fifty black people got they ass beat by police today, but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down the hole!"

"I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way. Like when you see an Asian person behind the wheel of a car."

"I never worked in a funeral home. Somethin’ I can do for you, Slick?"

"Richard Pearson - Gordy"

"Brad Abrell - Mannix"

"Thom Fountain - Neeble"

"Carl J. Johnson - Gleeble"

"Greg Ballora - Sleeble"

"Tim Blaney - Frank the Pug (voice)"

"Martha Stewart - Herself (cameo)"

"Kevin Grevioux - Pineal Eye"

"Drew Massey - Worm Boy (uncredited)"

"Jay Johnston - Younger Pizza Parlor MIB Agent"

"Nick Cannon - MIB Autopsy Agent"

"Biz Markie - Beatboxing Alien"

"Peter Graves - Himself"

"Michael Jackson - Agent M"

"Colombe Jacobsen - Hailey"

"David Cross - Newton"

"Jack Kehler - Ben"

"Patrick Warburton - Agent T"

"Tony Shalhoub - Jack Jeebs"

"Rosario Dawson - Laura"

"Johnny Knoxville - Scrad/Charlie"

"Lara Flynn Boyle - Serleena"

"Rip Torn - Zed"

"Will Smith - Agent J/James Darrell Edwards III"

"Tommy Lee Jones - Agent K/Kevin Brown"

"Back in Black."

"Time to put on the last suit you'll ever wear...again..."

"This Summer, They're Back in Business. They're Back in Action. They're Back in Black."

"This Summer, They're Back in Black."

"Coming to Rid Your Earth of the Scum of the Universe... Again!"

"Same Planet. New Scum."

"We Got a World to Save"

"On that second film, we sort of forgot a few things. The second film, I think, tried a little too hard for “comedy,” and also the first and third films have very strong villains. The second film, although Johnny Knoxville and Lara Flynn Boyle are funny, they’re not really quite strong enough to make your heroes be heroic. I think we learned our lessons and went back tonally to the first film."

"MIB Guard: [after J and K come to stop Serleena, he's reading a tabloid that says "Satan Escapes from Hell."] It's about time you guys got here. That pretty lady in there is causin’ all kinds-a-hell."

"Jeebs: (head is growing back after J shot it off) Oh, great, right in the pie-hole! Now nuttin’s gonna taste right!"

"Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The light keeper! All hail K! All hail K! Oh, K, can you see by the dawn's early light..."

"Worms: Once you've had worm, that’s what you'll yearn!"

"Frank the Pug: (upon seeing Ben's skin only) Hey, J, zero percent body fat! (Homage to Lara Flynn Boyle.)"

"Peter Graves: Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that "never happened" from one of their files that "doesn’t exist"."

"When we're kids, before we're taught how to think, or what to believe, our hearts tell us there is something else out there. I know what I saw. You tell me what I'm supposed to believe."

"An hour ago, a man I've known my whole life vanished in front of my eyes because of a woman with things coming out of her fingers and a two-headed guy with the IQ of a cannoli. So yeah, everything's okay."

"Oh, yummy. Someone I need to eat."

"Here's the deal. I lose, you lose. I win, everything keeps spinning."