"Kayla: Maybe you should care a little bit less about work and a little bit more about the girl you're dating because last time I checked work doesn't reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay."

"Some friends come with a happy ending."

"Friendship is a four-letter word."

"Everybody, this is Dylan. He's from L.A. [Everybody boos him] He's the reason I can afford all this beer! [Everybody cheers him]"

"I really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliche of true love. [sees posters for "The Ugly Truth" on a wall] Shut up, Katherine Heigl, you stupid, little liar!"

"[repeated line] Still not gay?"

"Are you trying to dig your way to China?"

"I'm emotionally unavailable."

"I have the perfect body for Photoshop. This [face] gets more angular, these [legs] get longer and this [nose] gets way more Christian."

"[after he spills coffee on his pants, Dylan is asking another employee for a replacement pair] I'm your boss! Give me your pants!"

"Shaun White – himself"

"A work ethic. I love it! That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China. Thank God for Bangladesh!"

"Taxi Driver: Welcome to New York! Go and fuck a dick!"

"Bryan Greenberg – Parker"

"Mel Blanc as Pepé Le Pew / Penelope Pussycat / Zookeeper / Lion / Popcorn Cart Bird / Pigeon Feeder / Poodle."

"Marie Aloma as Ms. Passbinder."

"Bill Osler as Junk Monster."

"Nick Nichols as Gizmo."

"Max Ferguson as Mr. Thunderbottom."

"Donann Cavin as Julie-8."

"Greg Swanson as Romie-0."

"I pierce you with the ack-ack of love, flowerpot."

"[as he was swinging from branch to branch] I always got A's in gym."

"Darling, how good of you to wait for me. [Penelope holds on to Pepé Le Pew tight] She is no longer timid. [they begin to fall, but, a parachute activates] A true gentleman must be prepared for anything."

"Mel Blanc as Pepé Le Pew / Robber / Cat / Three Bank Customers."

"Guess who? It is me. Oh partu pertu le mois, uh partu meet me introduce you myself, I am Pepé Le Pew, your lover! So impetuous, but nice. You know it is not just a case of physical attraction. I admire her mind too. Hello Cherie, all is fare in love and war, aye darling? Alright butterduck, you have done all that could be expected, you have resisted your natural impulses and have ran away from me. Mwooo, mwooo, mwooo, you little flirt, mwoo, mwoo, mwoo. Charming situation is it not? Mwoo, mwoo. I tell you what, you stop resisting me and I will stop resisting you. Well if you have a better offer than that, Oli Ole ei yo, epule? I am your guide to love, no? Together we shall explore the heights of the light. Mwoo, mwoo, mwoo. The conquest of Everest will pale into insignificance mwoo, mwoo. Navigator to pilot, pretty girl at 3'o clock, over. Pilot to navigator, roar roar. Over, Roger, will go. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. I pierce you with the ack ack of love flowerpot. Poems are made by fools like me."

"Michael Maltese as Foreign Legion Singer. (uncredited)"

"Why did everyone leave? Oh, but of course! Already I have achieved a post of honor, and have been left to defend the fort. Viva la Republique!"

"A pitiful case, am I not?"

"How is it that she can sleep when I am so near? We must stoke the furnace of love, must we not?"

"[last lines] Why is it whenever a man is captured by a woman, all he wish to do is get away?"