"[to Mortimer] If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar. There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead."

"[repeated line] Go to bed, Aunt Abby!"

"We better not leave the car parked in the street; it might be against the law."

"We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!"

"[last lines] No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha!"

"[watching the fighting, lighting up a cigarette] I got the papers signed — papers are all signed, what do I care? Go ahead — fight, fight. [watching the police trying to bring down Jonathan with a shoe] Oh, don't do that. It never works. [Jonathan collapses] What do you know? it worked!"

"Certainly there are thirteen bodies in the cellar and there are hundreds more in the attic!"

"[Meeting with Dr. Gilchrist in the cemetery] Pull up a tombstone!"

"[trying to make Jonathan leave] Now, here's ten dollars. Why don't you be a good sport and go out and haunt yourself a hotel?"

"All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing."

"[on the telephone] Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello — what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea. [throws down the phone in disgust]"

"[singing] There is a Happy Dale, far, far away..."

"[explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married] You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad."

"[to Jonathan, who has some resemblance Frankenstein's monster] Where did you get that face? Hollywood?"

"[on telephone] Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? [Hangs up] Well, then I must be here."

"Even the cat's in on it!"

"[to his aunts] This is developing into a very bad habit! I don't know if I can explain it to you. It's not only against the law, it's wrong!"

"[to Dr. Einstein] Stop underplaying, I can't hear you!"

"[to elderly guest] You... Get out of here! D'ya wanna be poisoned? D'ya wanna be murdered? D'ya wanna be killed?"

"When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!"

"Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."

"Rita Moreno - Zelda Zanders"

"Douglas Fowley - Roscoe Dexter"

"Cyd Charisse - Dancer"

"Millard Mitchell - R.F. Simpson"

"Jean Hagen - Lina Lamont"

"Debbie Reynolds - Kathy Selden"

"Donald O'Connor - Cosmo Brown"

"Gene Kelly - Don Lockwood"

"MGM's Musical Treasure!"

"What a Glorious Feeling!"

"You might as well know. I'm the one who hit Miss Lamont with a cake. [looks at Don angrily] Believe me, it was meant for Mr. Lockwood."

"[after Dexter says Talking Pictures will never amount to a thing] That's what they said about the horseless carriage."

"[on Lina Lamont] She can't act, she can't sing, and she can't dance - the Triple Threat."

"[singing] Moses supposes his toeses are roses But Moses supposes erroneously Moses he knowses his toeses aren't roses As Moses supposes his toeses to be."

"If we bring a little joy into your humdrum lives, it makes us feel as though our hard work ain't been in vain for nothing. Bless you all."

"People? I ain't people! I am a---'a shimmering, glowing star in the cinema firm-a-mint!' It says so - right there."

"You mean it's gonna say up on the screen that I don't talk and sing for myself?...They can't DO that!...They can't make a fool out of Lina Lamont. They can't make a laughingstock out of Lina Lamont. What do they think I am, dumb or something? Why I make more money than—than—than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Stop that girl! That girl running up the aisle - stop her! That's the girl whose voice you heard and loved tonight! She's the real star of the picture! Kathy Selden!"

"[Lina believes the tabloid reports of a romance between her and Don] Now Lina, you've been reading those fan magazines again. Now look Lina, you shouldn't believe all that banana oil that Dora Bailey and the columnists dish out. Now try to get this straight. There is nothing between us. There has never been anything between us. Just air."

"Ed Begley Jr. - Mark Schaefer, Hotel Manager"

"Jim Piddock - Trevor Beckwith, the Commentator"

"Bob Balaban - Dr. Theodore W. Millbank III"

"Jane Lynch - Christy Cummings"

"Jennifer Coolidge - Sherri Ann Ward Cabot"

"Patrick Cranshaw - Leslie Ward Cabot"

"Larry Miller - Max Berman"

"Linda Kash - Fay Berman"