"She puts on this sweet voice. "Nancy, could ya help meh, eh? I think I've found the leavings of a mouse!" Boo, hoo, hoo! As if she didn't know it was a raisin!"

"What was she doing?"

"We forgot to christen the apartment."

"Are those musical instruments?"

"It's a peacock!"

"Hello, Mr. Peabody!"

"Besides, how can I have time to rewrite my novel and still do my faithful servant duty to her as her little indentured servant person. Her little butt boy. I mean, I got a lot of duties, honey. She might need me to go out and count grapes with her, or help her fix her heater, or go take her to the laundry, or I got to go help her clean her banana skins, or I got to go clean out her garbage, and I got to go help her fill her monthlies out, or go and wipe her ass! God forbid she have any shit hanging off her ass! Because then I have to run up there double time like a little bunny, and I have to go up there with my little tissue and I have to go wipe her little ass and then I have to say, "Oh, good for you, Mrs. Connelly. Good for you for having such a nice little poopie. What's that? You've got some poopie on your diapey? Well let me clean it off—with my tongue!""

"She just manipulated me somehow. She's very crafty. She's a crafty old…lady."

"It's horrible. My parents read this magazine. Now they know my penis is called Mr. Peabody!"

"[reading a dictionary entry] "Macaw: any long tailed, brightly-colored parrot." A macaw is a parrot, I knew it!"

"I could have sworn we had more stuff."

"Blow me down!"

"Use some elbow grease."

"Nice seein' ya again, Kenneth."

"You caught me. I can't help but sneak a fag once in a blue moon."

"Off we go, Dicky Boy."

"Upchuck is a delicacy for Little Dick. He's salivatin'."

"It's loose as a Dublin whore!"

"A bit of music and a bit of a dance!"

"It's pissin' down out there!"

"[after Alex spills the garbage on the stairway and, disgusted, holds up Mrs. Connelly's underwear with a paper towel roll] What in heaven's name are you doin' with me drawers!?"

"Could you give me a hand with the garbage? We don't wannna be feedin' the mice."

"[the clock shows almost 5:30 PM] Oh, look at the time! I had no idea it was so late!"

"Come along dear, don't be shy! It's French Onion."

"I'm coming. Slowly but surely!"

"Stanley Yelnats"

"He came... He saw... He tormented..."

"He’s a real live wire"

"For the Yelnats family, the price of cable is about to go up."

"Are you ready to get wired?"

"Stanley's Mother"

"Once you're hooked... you're his"

"There's no such thing as free cable"

"I just wanna hang out! NO BIG DEEEEEAAAALLL!!!"

"The blue knight rules! The red knight sucks the big one! Down, down, down. Right knight goin' down. Down, down, down. Right knight goin' down."