"[Morty reveals to Michael that he is an "angel of death" and that it was his father's time] You bastard. [loses control of his rage and tries to attack him, only to grab nothing and fall]"

"[having seen that what happened was just a dream, he makes amends with his family and prepares for their Fourth of July vacation, but sees the remote in the kitchen and reads an attached letter] Like I said, '"Good guys need a break". I know you'll do the right thing this time. Love Morty. P.S.: Your wife's rocking body still drives me crazy.' Okay, Morty. [disposes of the universal remote in the trash bin, and this time it does not reappear]"

"[tinkers with the remote while looking at the rearview mirror] You look like pale there, pal. Let me fix that. [changes his skin color to yellow] You're all yellow from the scurvy. Arr, captain. [picks green] Grr.. Don't get the Hulk angry. You won't like him when he's angry. Raaaahrrr! [to purple] Oh, there's Barney. [spoof Barney theme] I love you, you love me. The jogger had giant boobies."

"[after seeing his non-auto-pilot self yell at his father] You're pathetic."

"Nick Swardson as Bed Bath & Beyond employee guy"

"[after he's de-Stepfordized] What am I wearing?"

"There may be a stand taken against women who are more successful than their men, but I don't think that's so important ultimately."

"There's such a backlash against feminism going on now. It seems like a conspiracy. The bottom line is about money: Get women back in their boxes and buying some products."

"This isn't the film I would have chosen if I'd wanted to make a big political statement!"

"I think the idea of seeking perfection in people - and feeling they need to be perfect - is everywhere."

"I have a feeling in my bones that for all its comedy and lightness, this movie's going to start a debate"

"Today, we are going to discuss - well, it is probably the most important book any of us will ever read. Yes, it is provocative. But it is also inspiring: The Heritage Hills Special Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectibles! [wives and Roger squeal and applaud with delight] This book said to me, "Let's celebrate the birth of our lord Jesus Christ... with yarn"."

"I asked myself, "Where would people never notice a town full of robots?" [gasps] Connecticut."

"Only one can survive."

"Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the mystery of the mid-life crisis."

"A high stakes love life and Jewel CIA shelter."

"Dermot Mulroney - Star of Coming Up Daisy"

"Olek Krupa - Krapotkin"

"Devin Rumer - Surveillance"

"Elizabeth Marvel - Sandy Pfarrer"

"Jeffrey DeMunn - Cosmetic surgeon"

"J. K. Simmons - CIA Superior"

"David Rasche - Palmer Smith"

"Richard Jenkins - Ted Treffon"

"Brad Pitt - Chad Feldheimer"

"Tilda Swinton - Katie Cox"

"John Malkovich - Osbourne Cox"

"Frances McDormand - Linda Litzke"

"George Clooney - Harry Pfarrer"

"Intelligence is only their job."

"Intelligence is relative."

"[panicking, after having reflexively shot Chad in the head] Oh, my fuck! I shot a fucking spook! Who the fuck are you, you fucker?!"

"[on the phone] I'm sorry, I don't know the number to, uh, my savings account because, believe it or not, I don't spend my entire day sitting around trying to memorize the fucking numbers to my fucking bank accounts! MORON!"