"You haven't done anything, its your fucking daughter. I just got a call --when I'm in Tiffany-- from some woman telling me how I should prepare my vagina for my gynecologist appointment tomorrow. She booked me a fucking gynecologist appointment!"

"Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!"

"My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business."

"I don't really care what people think about my hair. It's my hair, so why should they care? Ooh, that rhymed."

"She's pissing in the bottle....just like she shit in Dad's bag of weed in Hawaii."

"Jack, you have like serious anger management issues."

"If you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?"

"With parents like heavy metal rocker Ozzy Osbourne and entertainment impresario/personality Sharon Osbourne, you might have anger management issues, too."

"See what happens? One date with me and Liz ends up engaged to a millionaire."

"I was with her one Easter in France or Africa and all the animals on the set tried to get into her lap."

"There is no deodorant like success."

"You find out who your real friends are when you're involved in a scandal."

"I'm the same as a key piece of machinery in a steel mill, which is needed to make steel and to make money for the mill owners. If I break down, it's their problem. My problem is to build some kind of decent life for myself in this crazy unreal world in which I make my living."

"I've always admitted that I'm ruled by my passions."

"Oh God! I'm going to miss him. I can’t yet imagine life without him. But I guess with God’s help... I'll learn. I keep looking at the photo he gave me of himself, which says, 'To my true love Elizabeth, I love you forever.' And, I will love HIM forever."

"I still can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. It can't be so. He will live in my heart forever but it’s not enough. My life feels so empty. I don't think anyone knew how much we loved each other. The purest most giving love I've ever known."

"My heart…my mind… are broken. I loved Michael with all my soul and I can't imagine life without him. We had so much in common and we had such loving fun together."

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."

"I've been married too many times. How terrible to change children's affiliations, their affections — to give them the insecurity of placing their trust in someone when maybe that someone won't be there next year."

"I was less pleased than [my friend] to read Elizabeth Taylor's announcement that she had joined the ranks of the sober. Liz Taylor, whom I'd always cherished as one of the few famous women to barrel down the road of excess with a vengeance-eating, drinking, swearing, fucking, marrying, acquiring diamonds as big as the Ritz…"

"There are three things I never saw Elizabeth do: be on time, tell a lie, be unkind to anyone at all."

"Elizabeth Taylor should get a divorce and settle down."

"Really nice girl. I dated her only once."