"All human endeavor is killing time. All of it."

"The dumbest thing of all, I think, you can think in a New York cab is "Well, the man knows what he's doing!" "I mean,…"

"I really feel that that's one of the big powers of adulthood, is the ability to be totally bored and remain standing.…"

"Being engaged is-- you know what it's like to me? It's like being on the first part of the rollercoaster, where you'r…"

"Now they show you how detergents get out bloodstains on television: pretty violent image, there! I think if you've go…"

"To me, clothes spend most of their lives waiting, if you look at it. In the closet, in the hamper, in the drawer. The…"

"Dogs are broke their entire lives. And you know why they have no money? No pockets! They have no pockets. They see ch…"

"The fact is: almost everything is funny. You just have to have a way of looking at it."

"Dads feel they know enough about the world to start their own civilization. That's what the family is to them. The fa…"

"I always, y'know, idolized people like Bill Cosby and people that were just themselves. I mean, I think the idea of a…"