"Now listen here... especially you, Mr. Black!! Some of you may know me as Mr. Richardson. Others may know me as the Viking. But I'd rather you thought of me as your worst bloody nightmare!! Ugly boys! Fat boys! Long stupid, skinny boys!!"

"I'm aware of the unsavory incidents at this house last year, and I shall not be falling into the same traps. A school scholarship is a gift, Milton, not an entitlement."

"The question that you must ask yourself is why. Why, why do these boys flap the rules? Why do they create hideaways and start food fights? Hmm? Well, I tell you why, Headmaster. Because instead of molding them, instead of allowing them some creative fun, Big Brother here threatens them. He beats them and stoops so low as to steal a man's diary. He has been carrying out a personal vendetta against these boys, and I have the proof of it."

"Christine le Brocq as Mrs "Wombat" Milton, Spud's grandmother"

"Liam Magner as "Hairy Gavin""

"Headmaster, if you think that the best way to protect the reputation of this school is to expel these boys, I must ask you to think again."

"Lehasa Moloi as P.J. Luthuli, head boy of Michaelhouse"

"Ben Voss as Mr. Lily"

"And so because of the shenanigans between one boy and his wife, he has made it his personal mission to get that boy and all of his friends expelled!"

"Boys, until your short stay at this school is mercifully over, I'm going to make you wish you'd never been born."

"[to Greg Anderson, Guy Emberton and Death Breath] QUIET!!! As of this instant, you, you and you are de-prefected, placed on absolute final warning and stripped of all your privileges!! Dismissed!"

"Siobhan Hodgson as Mrs. Roberts"

"Graham Weir as Mr. "Viking" Richardson"

"Alex McGregor as Christine"

"Darren Frances as Pike"

"Sylvaine Strike as San Sister"

"Brenda Ngxoli as Innocence, the Miltons' house maid"

"Terry Norton as The Guv's wife"

"However, I will be teaching you malodorous meerkats how to be men! You will learn about women and sex. And if I do my job right, when you leave this class, you will be the kind of man that men envy and the kind of man that women cannot resist."

"Shaeleen Tobin as Marge, The Mermaid's mother"

"Good God. Horror, horror, horror! Tongue nor heart; cannot conceive or name thee! May all the trumpets speak; give them all breath, Those clamorous harbingers of blood and death! With me, you will be learning English. Not the, uh... rapturous ramblings of some self-obsessed literary queen. Exhibit one: Henry James. Exhibit two: Virginia Woolf and Agatha Christie. Frustrated sex-crazed carpet munchers with underarm firm. Don't get me wrong, boys; I have nothing against lesbians, nothing at all. In fact, I'd like to give them all a jolly good Rogerie."

"Patrick Kenny as Reverend Bishop"

"All right. I will talk no more about what you have done, if you swear never to utter a word about this."

"Look, Milton, you need to wake up. This school, this is your shot. If you screw this up, you're going to end up like your father. Now, the way I see it, Milton, is that time is running out before Robert Black makes you do something incredibly stupid. But if you and I work together, maybe your future could be saved. Could you think about that, Milton?"

"Last year, your undercover activities caused a night swimming craze, in which two boys nearly drowned... putting me and this school in a very serious and difficult position. Now, I find you faking and forging weekend passes!"

"Josh Goddard as Charlie "Mad Dog" Hooper"

"Jamie Royal as Henry "Gecko" Barker"

"Laura Santoni as the Librarian"

"Sven Ruygrok as Robert "Rambo" Black"

"Harry Wilcox as Student C"

"Byron Langley as Simon Brown"

"Aaron McIlroy as Mr. Milton, Spud's father"

"Blessing Xaba as Sidney "Fatty" Sibeko-Scott"

"Travis Hornsby as Alan "Boggo" Greenstein"

"Genna Blair as Debbie "The Mermaid""

"Julie Summers as Mrs. Milton, Spud's mother"

"Jason Cope as Mr. "Sparerib" Wilson, Eve's husband"

"Charlbi Dean Kriek as Amanda"

"The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven, Would through the airy region stream so bright, That birds would sing and think it were not night. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!"

"James Murray as Bert"

"Ricky Cruz as Devries"

"Boys, we have the reputation of this school to uphold, and if you won't, I assure you, I will. Consequently, I'm putting you all on final warning. One more transgression of this nature will result in your expulsion. You're all gated until further notice and banned from going to the Midlands Festival. Good day."