religious-parodies-and-satires

"Dinkoism is rigged with the fittings of any other religion it makes fun of – a holy book, priests, faith-healers, symbols and devotional songs. Except there are no temples, masjids or churches. Instead, the congregation gathers to actively discuss and debate in Dinkalayams or the abode of Dinkan which can be any place."

"The universe was created when Dinkan was eating a cassava, got bored and laughed. His laugh created space and time and the entire plane of existence; such is the Dinkoist belief."

"This new “religion”—Dinkamatham or Dinkoism—made its presence known in January this year at Kochi in the southern Indian state of Kerala. Believers, called Dinkoists, protested against a Malayalam film star, Dileep, for acting in a movie titled Professor Dinkan. This was in keeping with the best traditions of hurt sentiments in India."

"Dinkoism is a religion where you learn to take things lightly and become tolerant to things that you don’t appreciate otherwise. Dinkoists use humour to send the message. Humour is something that everybody appreciates. Therefore, it makes sense to promote this religion."

"The followers of Dinkoism had celebrated Akshaya Jetteeya on the 8th and 9th of May. They sold undergarments to the public as anyone who buys the undergarments would be blessed by Dinkan and would be prosperous in life, according to Dinkoists' belief. Akshaya Jetteeya is a parody on Akshaya Tritiya. Akshaya Tritiya is a holy day for Hindus and Jains. People generally buy gold on the auspicious day, as it is the ultimate symbol of wealth and prosperity."

"Dinkan has superpowers. He lived in a forest called Pankila. He was abducted by aliens, who experimented on him. As result, he became powerful and could fly. Any animal or person in distress could call out his name, and Dinkan would come to the rescue, like Superman."

"Dinkoists challenge irrational beliefs and provide scientific explanations for many alleged miracles. They also believe in gender equality and saving the environment."

":5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******."

"I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; one third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence."

"The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a kind of particularly amusing shell fired off in the ongoing culture war. Ultimately, it is an argument about the arbitrariness of holding any one view of creation."

"Go ahead. Try us for thirty days. If you don't like us, your old religion will most likely take you back."

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."

":1. I'd Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject."

":4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off The TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change."

":: B. Curing Diseases"

":: C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable."

":6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):"

":8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses Alot Of Leather/Lubrication/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear A CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber, If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something."

":I Might Be A Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM The Creator."

":7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?"

":: A. Ending Poverty"

":3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman=Person, Man=Person. Samey-Samey. One is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia."

"I have found it an amusing strategy, when asked whether I am an atheist, to point out that the questioner is also an atheist when considering Zeus, Apollo, Amon Ra, Mithras, Baal, Thor, Wotan, the Golden Calf and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I just go one god further."

":2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People."

"People who intuitively perceive 2,500-year-old Chinese and Greek concepts, while nodding to California's detached hippie philosophy and quoting droll lines from The Big Lebowski, which turns 15 this year, are joining a revelatory religion that has illuminated its U.S. founder in northern Thailand. Dubbed "Church of the Latter-Day Dude," the group also invites "mellow, unflashy chicks who hang around in their bathrobes and take baths with candles and whale sounds," says the religion's Dudely Lama, Oliver Benjamin."

"The Dude is an extreme case, but he provides an ideal which can help you to bring a little more "Dude" into your life, without giving up on the rat race entirely. … I grew up in the 1980s, which was a very ambitious and materialistic time — the era of the Yuppies. Even as a youth, I found it frightening and false. … The reason I embarked on a 10-year backpacking journey was so I could avoid being brainwashed by the machine of industry, and find the space and freedom to indulge my imagination."

"Great coitus incurs great expense, And great wealth incurs great goldbricking, But great abidement incurs no loss. Therefore: He who knows when to take it easy Can’t be worried about that shit, And may long endure both strikes and gutters."

"Bullshit money or basic freedom: which is dearer? Contentment or competition: which is more valuable? Compensation or employment: which is more painful?"

"We believe that the Dudeist tradition started as a response to the excesses of civilization. That was Lao Tzu's deal anyway. Lots of similar traditions dealt with issues of work and status and anxiety and nature the same way. But they were all, pretty much, taken over by fascists and real reactionaries. Even Taoism was taken over by charlatans and phonies. But the pure undogmatic centre of lots of traditions (Christianity, Vedism, Buddhism etc) is all the same. And that's Dudeism."

"When Dudeness is forgotten, League bylaws and rules arise; Then political advocacy and pornography are joined, And standards fall regrettably."

"The Dude said: “You can’t be worried about that shit. Life goes on.” “Would you just take it easy, man!? You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole.”"

"The people are busy, as I know you are, Whereas I am unemployed. Let me explain something about the Dude: He is sustained by the Tree of Life, As the ex used to say."

"Bowling is everlasting because it does not have a point. In this way, the Dude: Makes his point at the end and finds he made it at the beginning; Rolls casually down the lane, and endures through strikes and gutters. Because he does not put himself over the line, he does not enter a world of pain."

"If people aren’t privy to the new shit that has come to light, Cowards among them will threaten castration; If no action is taken, There will only be pee-stains on the rug."

"When a plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong; You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?"

"The tumbleweeds do not last long, Nor does the Dude. If the Stranger’s words do not last Why should those of man, man? To follow the Dude, become the Dude; the Dude will abide you."

"Dudeism has a lot in common with Taoism, of course, being its philosophical compeer. Taoists, for example, revere the fella I’ve innerduced by the name of Lao Tzu (literally “The Old Boy,” not something most folks where I come from would self-apply); we have “The Dude.” Lao Tzu rejected uptight Chinese imperial society and rode off to the mountains of Tibet, while The Dude rejected uptight American imperial society and became a roadie with Metallica. Lastly and most importantly, Dudeists share Taoism’s wu wei ethos of just taking it easy, man, and rolling with the cosmic flow."

"According to religious scholar Huston Smith, Taoism has only one basic text, the Tao Te Ching (or, in English, The Way and Its Power), a slim volume that, as Smith says, can be read in half an hour or a lifetime. Legend has it that a Chinaman by the name of Lao Tzu one day said “Fuck it” (loosely translated from the Chinese), hopped on a water buffalo (possibly with rust coloration), and started heading a-way out west to Tibet. … Regardless of whether the legend is true, or whether Lao Tzu even really existed, the Chinaman is not the issue here, Dudes. The issue is that the Tao Te Ching is the perfect expression of Taoism’s wu wei of life, or in the parlance of Huston Smith, a life of creative quietude in which “the conscious mind must relax, stop standing in its own light, let go” so that it can flow with the Tao (or Way) of the universe."

"The Stranger controls without authority, And teaches without cuss words; He lets all things take ‘er easy, Watches the semifinals, but does not interfere, Drinks sarsaparilla without demanding, And takes comfort where he can."

"Not achieving prevents having to overcome obstacles; Not keeping the money prevents theft; Not flaunting beauty prevents thousand-dollar blowjobs. This is not ‘Nam. This is bowling."

"Let me tell you somethin’ about The Dude. He would never dream of taking your bullshit money; You will not cut off his Johnson, even if you throw a marmot into his bath; His mind is limber, and he fits right in there; What the fuck are you talking about? I lost my train of thought here."

"Nihilists are not kind; They believe in nothing. The Stranger is not kind, He drifts where the wind catches him. Nihilists are like a bellows Empty, yet full of hot air, The more they threaten, the more cowardly they seem; The Stranger also rambles and loses his train of thought But tells a purty good story."

"This is a natural, zesty enterprise. Oh. Yes."

"There never was any fucking money; What in God’s holy name are you blathering about?"

"Looked at but cannot be seen — it is a worthy fucking adversary; Listened to but cannot be heard — it is a stonewalling little brat; Grasped at but cannot be touched — it floats off across the sky. There is no bottom, nor the proper nomenclature, All these strands make it a very complicated case."

"The best Achievers are scarcely known by the Bums; The next best are compensated and given beepers; The next are real reactionaries; The next, human paraquat: They have no faith in the Bums, So the Bums reveal them for the phonies they are. When the best achievers achieve their purpose, The bums leave them alone, mister."

"Dudeness that can be known is not Dude. The substance of the World is only a name for what Abides. The tumbling of tumbleweeds is all that exists and may exist; The rug is only a fabrication which ties the room together. One experiences without being uptight, or enters a World of Pain, And investigates complicated cases in order to understand the World."

"The Dude digs the style of the Stranger, and the Stranger, the style of the Dude; They are distinct only in front of the bar. Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes he eats you Which is infinitely greater and more subtle than the fucking TOE!"

"Dudeism is non-theistic. We don't see anything as a kind of God figure. That's not to say we're not religious. We do think there's some far out shit out there, but it's not some old guy with a moustache. Anyway, The Stranger is probably more like a mirror of ourselves. He also may be the ghost of America's past — taking stock of what's become of the nation's integrity."

"Those who wish to threaten the Dude Because they want ze money Cannot succeed. The World is shaped by taking it easy; It cannot be shaped by undudeness. If one tries to steer it, the plane crashes into the mountain; When one works in shifts, promising, uh, uh, leads will not be found."