"You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, and think of all the things they've done for me and the little I've done for them, you'd think I've had the best of it along the line. But what have I got out of it? I've got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car, I've got me health back and I ain't attached. But I ain't got me peace of mind - and if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. I dunno. It seems to me if they ain't got you one way they've got you another. So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself - what's it all about? Know what I mean?"

"A married woman, see. Every one of 'em in need of a good laugh. It don't never strike their husbands. I always say, make a married woman laugh and you're halfway there with her. Of course, it don't work with the single bird. Start you off on the wrong foot. You get one of them laughing, you won't get nothing else."

"Shelley Winters - Ruby"

"Millicent Martin - Siddie"

"What's it all about... Alfie."

"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know."

"If a bird ain't got you one way, she's got you another."

"Do you know, I'm beginning to think she was beautiful. After all, it ain't through the eyes that you feel beauty, it's how the heart hungers for something that makes it beautiful."

"Julia Foster - Gilda"

"Sydney Tafler - Frank"

"Is every man an Alfie? Ask any girl."

"Vivien Merchant - Lily Clamacraft"

"If you lose a bird you can always replace her. But with a child it's different."

"What I loved once and what I love now are two different things."

"I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it."

"[about Gilda's appearance while she is pregnant] Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a while, particularly during the early months. And I told her: I said "Blimey, girl, you ain't as ugly as I thought"."

"I told Gilda from the start that I ain't the marrying sort. And do you know what? She don't mind. She's a stand-by and she knows it. And any bird that knows its place in this world can be quite content."

"You've got to live for yourself in this world, not for others."

"Michael Caine - Alfie Elkins"

"Jane Asher - Annie"

"Denholm Elliott - Abortionist"

"Murray Melvin - Nat"

"Alfie Bass - Harry Clamacraft"

"Graham Stark - Humphrey"

"Eleanor Bron - the Doctor"

"Shirley Anne Field - Carla"

"It don't do to get dependent on nobody in this life."

"When a married woman gets too hot on, it's time to cool off."

"She's got a little ginger moustache. But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman, providing she's got something to make up for it. Well, that's what we're all here for, innit - to help each other out in this life."

"I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've got to say something for appearance's sake."

"Peter Gallagher - John Mullany"

"Andie MacDowell - Ann Bishop Mullany"

"Laura San Giacomo - Cynthia Patrice Bishop"

"[having just seen Ann's videotape] I wasn't going to say anything, 'cause I thought you'd be devastated. But looking at you now. [snicker] Yeah, I fucked Elizabeth. Before your problem. Hell, while you two were going out. She was nothing special. She was good in bed. [beat] She sure could keep a secret. That's about all I can say about her. [after John leaves, Graham goes inside and destroys all the videotapes]"

"I think that um... I think that sex is overrated. I think that people place far too much importance on it, and I think that stuff about women wantin' it just as bad as men is crap. I mean I think that women want it, I just don't think that they want it for the same reason that men think they do."

"James Spader - Graham Dalton"

"Steven Brill - Barfly"

"I remember reading somewhere that men learn to love the person that they're attracted to, and that women become more and more attracted to the person that they love."

"Ron Vawter - Therapist"

"Frank Faylen - man recommending motel"

"Will Wright - "Dad" Newell"

"Walter Sande - Heath"

"Tom Powers - Captain Hendrickson"

"Howard Freeman - Corelli"

"Doris Dowling - Helen Morrison"

"Don Costello - Leo"

"Double dame trouble! Double-barrelled action!"

"Tamed by a brunette - framed by a blonde - blamed by the cops!"

"Hugh Beaumont - George Copeland"

"Alan Ladd - Johnny Morrison"