"Okay, Whitman's records. Lived with his mother until about six months ago. Had one serious relationship with an Inga... Gunther who once tried to assassinate the rock temptress... STEVIE NICKS!"

"John Livingston - Walter"

"Robert Goulet - Braxton"

"Ellen Cleghorne - Jane"

"Hope Davis - Annie"

"Joan Plowright - Mrs. Crawford"

"Dean Stockwell - Jack Tramonte"

"Joan Cusack - Inga Gunther"

"Bill Pullman - Whitman Crawford"

"Ellen DeGeneres - Martha Alston"

"Chris Elliot — Dom Woganowski"

"[while spying on Mary] Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative."

"The last time I had a pap smear, the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker."

"Warning: The guys who did 'Dumb & Dumber' and 'Kingpin' bring you a love story."

"A love story with only one thing on its mind..."

"Love is in the hair."

"The most fun you can have on video."

"No animals were harmed in the making of this movie. Everybody else was on their own."

"There's Just Something About Her..."

"Cameron Diaz — Mary Jensen"

"Matt Dillon — Pat Healy"

"Ben Stiller — Ted Stroehmann"

"Lee Evans — Tucker / Norm Phipps"

"Jeffrey Tambor — Sully"

"Markie Post — Sheila Jensen"

"Keith David — Charlie"

"W. Earl Brown — Warren Jensen"

"Sarah Silverman — Brenda"

"Khandi Alexander — Joanie"

"Willie Garson — Dr. Zit Face / High School Pal Bob"

"Brett Favre — himself"

"Richard Tyson — Detective Krevoy"

"Rob Moran — Detective Stabler"

"Is that... is that hair gel?"

"[about Mary] I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name."

"Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you."

"Das böse hat viele gesichter (Evil has many faces) (German DVD)"

"El mal tiene muchas caras (Evil has many faces) (Spanish DVD)"

"A gonosz igazi arca (The true face of evil) (Hungarian DVD)"

"Evil has many faces"

"Macaulay Culkin - Henry Evans"

"Elijah Wood - Mark Evans"

"Wendy Crewson - Susan Evans"

"David Morse - Jack"

"Daniel Hugh Kelly - Wallace Evans"

"Jacqueline Brookes - Alice Davenport"

"Quinn Culkin - Connie Evans"

"I promise you something amazing... something you'll never forget. Are you in?"

"[taunting Mark as he's hanging, about to fall] If I let you go... do you think you could fly?"

"[narrating; last line] Henry is gone, and the rest of us are safe. But sometimes- late at night- I find myself thinking... not about Henry, but about Susan. And wondering. If she had to do it over, would she make the same choice? I guess I'll always wonder... but I know I'll never ask."