Hail, Caesar!

"Tell them, "Thanks, but no thanks." That short enough for you?"

"Here at Capitol Pictures, as you know, an army of technicians, actors, and top notch artistic people are working hard to bring to the screen the story of the Christ. It's a swell story."

"Hey, Hobie. You're a Communist, too?"

"That's what happened to me when I went to Reno with Danny Kaye and he asked me to shave his back. Exact same thing. Because, I'm thinkin', who benefits? So, let me tell ya, everybody thinks that Danny's a jerk, he's not really a jerk. That's just a theory generating its own anti-theory. Anyway, there we were, it's me and Danny and I'm wondering what the hell am I doin' with a razor in my hand? And he says it's for a Norman Taurog picture. But, Judy Canova's there and she knows Norman and she says, "Danny's not doing a Norman Taurog picture! He just wants you to shave his back!" And that's who benefits!"

"It is 5:00 AM. Still shank of night for some. But, for Eddie Mannix, beginning of a new work day. The movie studio for which he works manufactures stories. Each, its own daylit drama, or moonlit dream. But, the work of Essie Mannix cares not for day or night. And cares little for his rest."

"Would that it were so simple?"

"It's complicated."

"We are heading out to sea and however it will be, it ain't gonna be the same. cause no matter what we see, when we're out there on the sea, we ain't gonna see a dame. we'll be searching high and low on the deck and down below but it's a crying shame. Oh, we'll see a lot of fish but we'll never clock a dish. We ain't gonna see a dame. No dames! we might see some octopuses No dames! or a half a dozen clams No dames! we might even see a mermaid But mermaids got no gams! No gams! Have I got a girl for you! out there on the sea! Here's how it will be i'm gonna dance with you, pal you're gonna dance with me! When we're out there on the sea we'll be happy as can be Or so the Captain claims! But we have to disagree. Cause the only guarantee Is I'll see a lot of you And you'll see a lot of me! And it's absolutely certain That we'll see a lot of sea. But we ain't gonna see no dames. No dames! We're going to sea! No dames! We're going to sea! No dames! We're going to sea! We ain't gonna see no Dames!"

"Director: Squint against the grandeur!"

"Carlotta Valdez: It's all in the hips, the lips, and the eyes and the thighs."

"Josh Brolin — Eddie Mannix"

"George Clooney — Baird Whitlock"

"Alden Ehrenreich — Hobart "Hobie" Doyle"

"Ralph Fiennes — Laurence Laurentz"

"Scarlett Johansson — DeeAnna Moran"

"Frances McDormand — C.C. Calhoun"

"Tilda Swinton — Thora and Thessaly Thacker"

"Channing Tatum — Burt Gurney"

"Alison Pill — Connie Mannix"

"Veronica Osorio — Carlotta Valdez"

"Emily Beecham — Dierdre"

"Heather Goldenhersh — Natalie"

"Wayne Knight — Communist operative who kidnaps Baird Whitlock."

"Jonah Hill — Joseph Silverman"

"Max Baker — John Howard Hermann"

"Christopher Lambert — Arne Seslum"

"Geoffrey Cantor — Sid Siegelstein"

"Ian Blackman — Cuddahy"

"Fred Melamed — Fred"

"Patrick Fischler — Benedict"

"David Krumholtz — Herschel"

"Fisher Stevens — a Communist screenwriter"

"Alex Karpovsky — Mr. Smitrovich"

"Greg Baldwin — Dutch Zweistrong"

"Clancy Brown — Gracchus"

"Robert Picardo — Rabbi"

"Allan Havey — Protestant Clergyman"

"Natasha Bassett — Gloria DeLamour"

"John Bluthal — Herbert Marcuse"

"Dolph Lundgren (uncredited) — Soviet submarine commander"

"Robert Trebor — producer of Hail, Caesar!"

"Michael Gambon — Narrator"