"That happened because it's Christmas Eve, I'm telling you! I'm not crazy. It's Christmas Eve! It's, it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we, we, we smile a little easier, we, w-w-we, we, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be! It's a miracle, it's really a sort of a miracle, because it happens every Christmas Eve. And if you waste that miracle, you're gonna burn for it. I know what I'm talking about. You have to do something. You have to take a chance. You do have to get involved. There are people that are having, having trouble making their miracle happen. There are people that don't have enough to eat, and there are people that are cold. You can go out and say 'hello' to these people. You can take an old blanket out of the closet and say 'here.' You can make 'em a sandwich, and say 'Oh, by the way, here!' I get it now! And if you, if you give, then you, then it can happen. Then the miracle can happen to you! It's not just the poor and the hungry, it's, it's everybody that's gotta have this miracle! And it can happen tonight for all of you! If you believe in this pure thing, you'll, the miracle will happen and then you'll want it to happen again tomorrow! You won't be one of these bastards who says, 'Christmas is once a year and it's a fraud.' It's not! It can happen every day! You've just got to want that feeling! And if you like it and you want it, you'll get greedy for it! You'll want it every day of your life, and it can happen to you! I believe in it now. I believe it's gonna happen to me now. I'm ready for it! And it's great! It's a good feeling. it's, it's really better than I've felt in a long time. I'm, I'm, I'm ready. Have a Merry Christmas, everybody."

"Can we look at something else? Oh look. There's a gorilla climbing that building."

"What is this? Trump Tower?"

"Ghost of Christmas Past: [after driving harmlessly through a van] GO BACK TO JERSEY, YA MORON! [laughs]"

"Ghost of Christmas Present: Sometimes, you have to SLAP them in the face just to get their attention!"

"Earl Cross: All day long, I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work...'My back hurts,' 'my legs ache,' [pauses for a second] 'I'm only four!' The sooner he learns life isn't handed to him on a silver platter, the better!"

"Promo Announcer: The night the reindeer died!"

"Elliot Loudermilk: Hello wabbit."

"James Cross: [last lines] My brother, The King of Christmas."

"The spirits will move you in odd and hysterical ways."

"Bill Murray is back among the ghosts. Only this time, it's three against one."

"Bill Murray - Francis Xavier "Frank" Cross"

"Karen Allen - Claire Phillips"

"John Forsythe - Lew Hayward"

"John Glover - Brice Cummings"

"Bobcat Goldthwait - Eliot Loudermilk"

"David Johansen - Ghost of Christmas Past"

"Carol Kane - Ghost of Christmas Present"

"Robert Mitchum - Preston Rhinelander"

"Nicholas Phillips - Calvin Cooley"

"Michael J. Pollard - Herman"

"Alfre Woodard - Grace Cooley"

"Mabel King - Gramma"

"John Murray - James Cross"

"Wendie Malick - Wendie Cross"

"Brian Doyle-Murray - Earl Cross, Frank and James' father"

"Joel Murray - Ghost"

"Jamie Farr - Himself / Jacob Marley"

"Buddy Hackett - Himself / Ebenezer Scrooge"

"Robert Goulet - Himself"

"John Houseman - Himself"

"Lee Majors - Himself"

"Mary Lou Retton - Herself / Tiny Tim"

"Miles Davis, Larry Carlton, David Sanborn, and Paul Shaffer - street musicians"