Eight Legged Freaks

"(First lines) Hello Mike."

"(After Mike has enquired about the alarming size of the arachnids): It's their diet. These have been growing in the pond for the last three days. (Mike: Crickets?) They're like, spider steroids."

"I'm going to make a fortune!"

"Yeah, Habronattus orbus."

"Say hello to Consuela..."

"I had to bribe every customs agent from San Diego to Tuscon. (Leads Mike over to orb weavers.) You see, the female species is three times as big as the male. (Consuela emerges.) The males try to compete for the females' attention by bringing them the best presents, you know, like rats, mice, (Looks at his parrot, smirking), the occasional parrot. Come."

"(About Consuela) So she can liquefy her prey, wrapped alive..."

"(As Mike leaves) When you come back next week they'll be twice as big as they are today!"

"(Last line, as he observes the empty tarantula cage) Where'd you go, little fella?"

"(To Mike) This is your problem, right here. I don't want to hear any more of your 'paranoid delusional nightmare.' Right you're grounded for a week, mister. And no TV!"

"(To Deputy Pete) Something ate your cat? What do you think it was?"

"(About Chris) He just needs a shave..."

"(To Ashley) Who said it was OK to talk to your mother like that?"

"All the phone lines are down, Mike."

"Where have you been, Wade? All the phones are dead!"

"(To Chris) Ten years, and you have not changed a bit."

"(First lines) You sure look like a pretty good engineerer."

"And my name's not Sonny. It's Chris."

"Aunt Gladys!"

"(About his father's gold) I knew he wasn't crazy!"

"(Confronted by Conseula) I can't! It'll set off the gas! (Squirts perfume into Conseula's face) Mike, you saved us!"

"Adieus, Consuela!"

"(Hysterical) They're here! They're here!"

"Get back, you EIGHT-LEGGED FREAKS!"

"Uh, maybe I don't need a shave..."

"If you start feeling disorientated, then get to one of these higher chambers as soon as possible."

"You know, that does look like an old piece of cactus."

"(First lines) Do you know fear? Have you ever had your heart beating in your chest so intensely... that you can't even breathe? This is a story of... monsters... hideous nightmares crawling in the night. I've seen them. I've seen them in visions. And you... will... too. (Laughs.) I know what you must be thinking, what's this crazy guy doing out here in this godforsaken landscape? Well, I'll tell you. For this is the only place in the country where I can tell the truth and they can't. Hit me."

"We're here in Propsperity, Arizona, with the only reports on government conspiracies, space aliens, and updated reports on when they plan to invade. It's a beautiful day in Prosperity, and it's time for America to WAKE UP PEOPLE! WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! But no, of course, they're still asleep."

"We've just received a report that our pet dog Skippy's been missing, fourth missing pet call we've had this morning. Yeah, it's strange, it's strange. And people are saying, well you know it's cayotes, and it's wolves, but we know the truth. Yes, we all know about those aliens, and the probe, heh, yes, the probe. Let's talk about the probe. I mean, what are they looking for? I mean, it's just wrong! What are they doing? I mean, Skippy didn't do anything to anyone, he doesn't deserve that! I'm telling you, it's wrong! If you want a piece of me, just don't take that piece!"

"Our government-controlled "media...""

"Friends, our local 'authorities' have a little message for our charming little community."

"(Faced with the truth of the 'invasion:') Giant spiders? What the Hell kind of bullshit is that? (A moment later) Oh my God, THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE!"

"I'll lure them off! Defend the human race!"

"Do you hate spiders? Do you really hate spiders? Well they don't like you either."

"Let the squashing begin!!"

"The biggest... nastiest... mutant spider movie of all time!!!!"

"David Arquette - Chris McCormick"

"Kari Wührer - Sheriff Sam Parker"

"Scarlett Johansson - Ashley Parker, Sam’s daughter"

"Scott Terra - Mike Parker, Sam’s son"

"Doug E. Doug - Harlan Griffiths"

"Rick Overton - Deputy Pete Williams"

"Leon Rippy - Wade"

"Matt Czuchry - Bret"

"Eileen Ryan - Gladys, Chris’s aunt"

"Frank Welker - voice of Consuela the queen spider and other spider vocal effects"

"David Earl Waterman - Norman the Janitor"

"Tom Noonan - Joshua Taft"

"Ashley (daughter)"