Mars Attacks!

"We should nuke these assholes with everything we got, sir."

"Screw the press! This is a need-to-know situation. We should make it a top secret, and we should move in right away with DefCon-4!"

"You can't have Martians running all over Nevada!"

"[The Martians break into the War Room and Decker approaches them, holding two pistols] You think you can do anything you want? Well, you can't, you see, because we are human beings! And we have the United States Army that'll fight you to the last man! And we'll never surrender! [Starts shooting at them, to no effect] Do you hear me?! [The Martian Leader uses a shrinking ray to begin miniaturizing Decker, who does not seem to notice, with his voice rising in pitch as he gets smaller and smaller] We'll fight you on the beaches! We'll fight you on the streets! We'll never, never surrender! Old Glory will win! [Now smaller than the Martian Leader's foot] Democracy will survive! We will never, never surrender! We will win! The eagle will be triumphant! [The Martian Leader stomps on Decker, crushing him]"

"What are you guys gawking at?! Get that President outta here!"

"[Repeated line] Whoa!"

"[Pitching a hotel/casino idea] If the Martians land, they're gonna need a place to stay. Just like everybody else."

"Even in a time of so-called intergalactic emergency, people still want to roooooll them bones!"

"I'd been thinkin' about Mars when there wasn't no Mars."

"I'm not a crook, I'm ambitious. There's a difference."

"I'll tell you one thing, they ain't gettin' the TV."

"[Watching Martians massacre the Senate] Guess it wasn't the dove."

"All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest. [General Decker: What the hell does that mean?!]"

"We come in peace! We come in peace!"

"Don't run! We are your friends!"

"I want the people to know that they still have two out of three branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad! I want the people to know that the schools will still be open, okay? And I want the people to know that the garbage will still be carried out. And I want a cop on every corner - which, incidentally, we would already have, if they had listened to me in the last election!"

"Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real... outcome."

"[Overhearing the Martians' destruction of France via telephone] ...mon Dieu.."

"[Making one last appeal to the Martians] Why... are you doing this? Why? Isn't the universe big enough... for both of us? What is wrong with you people? We could work together. Why be enemies? Because we're different? Is that why? Think of the things that we could do. Think how strong we would be! Earth... and Mars... together. There is nothing that we could not accomplish. Think about it! Think about it. Why destroy... when you can create? We can have it all, or we can smash it all! Why can't we... work out our differences? Why can't we... work things out? Little people... why can't we all just... get along? [The Martian Leader sheds a single tear. Dale smiles to himself, impressed. The Martian Leader approaches him and shakes hands with Dale. Then, the Martian Leader's hand detaches from his arm] What's this? [The hand proceeds to crawl all over Dale's body. At the small of his back, it stabs through his body. Dale collapses to the ground, dead. From his dead body, a flag rises: a Martian flag]"

"[About to get on the bus to leave for the Army, to his brother, Richie] So long, retard."

"DIE, YOU ALIEN SHITHEAD! [Prepares to shoot, but a Martian notices him] Uh-oh. [Drops his gun and holds up a flag] I surrender! [The Martian disintegrates him with a ray gun]"

"I want to thank my Grandma for always being so good to me, and, and for helping save the world and everything."

"Wow, he just made the international sign of the donut."

"They blew up Congress! [laughs]"

"[After a Martian's head explodes] I think it must be my music!"

"Richie, I think these guys are very sick."

"[As Taffy is awarding her the Congressional Medal of Honor] Thank you, honey. But don't you dare let anything like this happen again."

"[To Jerry Ross] When the Martians land, will the press have access? Can we do interviews?"

"We know they're extremely advanced technologically, which suggests - very rightfully so - that they're peaceful. An advanced civilization, by definition, is not barbaric."

"[As the Martians disintegrate Congress] Mr. Ambassador, please! What are you doing? This doesn't make sense! It's not logical! It's not - [A Martian knocks Kessler unconscious]"

"[Talking on the phone] Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain't that great? Oh, it's a hell of an honor. But didn't I always tell you, honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen! Yeah... Okay. [Makes kissing noises and hangs up the phone]"

"Hey! You're Tom Jones, right? "It ain't unusual"? Hey Tom, Tom! Can I have an autograph? Anyone got a pen?"

"[To Byron] Hey! Hey, just because you're dressed like King Tut doesn't mean you're our leader!"

"[Running into a Martian] Shit! [The Martian aims at him, and he puts his hands up] I surrender, okay? You understand what that means, surrender? Lookit, you're intelligent beings. Hey, let's cut a deal. I can help ya. I'm a lawyer! You wanna conquer the world, you're gonna need lawyers, right? [Removes his watch] Here, you want my watch? Here, take it! Take it, go ahead! It's a Rolex! [The Martian blasts him and he shakes as he is vaporized] Ro-le-e-ex...!"

"My finger!"

"[Reporting in Pahrump, NV, where the Martians are landing] The teeming masses have gathered from who knows how many states. Waiting and watching. Why have they come? Curiosity? Or is it something more? Or is it simply to say "I was there. I was there when first man met Martian." Jason Stone, GNN. Pahrump."

"[As a chandelier is falling on top of her] The Nancy Reagan chandelier!"

"[Challenging a Martian to a fistfight] No weapons! No tricks! Just you and me! Byron Williams! The heavyweight champion of the world!"

"[Visibly androgynous appearing] Do the Martians have two sexes, like we do?"

"Martians. Ha ha. Funny looking little critters, aren't they?"

"Jack Nicholson - President James Dale / Art Land"

"Glenn Close - First Lady Marsha Dale"

"Annette Bening - Barbara Land"

"Pierce Brosnan - Professor Donald Kessler"

"Danny DeVito - Rude Gambler"

"Martin Short - Press Secretary Jerry Ross"

"Sarah Jessica Parker - Nathalie Lake"

"Michael J. Fox - Jason Stone"

"Rod Steiger - General Decker"

"Tom Jones - Tom Jones"