"Well, Doris was the only one working the cafeteria. so I knew she'd make a killing! And I was right, but she never paid me back! On top of that, I just switched to new probiotics, and they're expensive! I need the extra cash. But Doris didn't seem to care about that. So I took her tip jar to pay at least part of the loan back."
January 1, 1970
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Fictional_last_words_in_Criminal_Case