""...Has my body ever really been..really mine! Has there ever been a time that I could do whatever I wanted with it and not fear other people’s judgement? I was born with my body and it is attached to my brain. I control the mobility of it. But do I really have control of it? I like putting clothes on it, and making a statement when I walk out my front door. ....Over the years I have spent a lot of time and energy on my body. But can I say that I feel 100% ownership of it? No, I can’t! Sometimes I feel like I am renting it and doing the best I can.....I noticed that if my body had over a certain fat percentage that I was not accepted very easily...When I got to college, the boys my age liked it if I filled my body with liquids that made me less coherent and more willing to do what they wanted me to do...After college I ... started dating. It seemed the main question between my potential boyfriend and me was when was I going to give him my body?..., these magazines put me over the edge as the women looked amazing!..I felt fat and ugly and sidelined from society....So, I had a 2 year old baby, my body was back in shape and I was feeling pretty good. Was my body mine yet? Did my husband like my body? I started to feel like his eyes were drifting to other bodies. Was I not good enough anymore?.. For years I continued to pour my energy into my body so that it appeared inviting and vibrant. I wasn’t ready not to be noticed and a lot of my self esteem came from being admired for my outside qualities. But, shouldn’t I be the one who accepts my body first, rather than worry if everyone else accepts it? Now that I am entering midlife,.... And I sometimes look at my body and feel that it is not good enough..not beautiful enough....But I am starting to realize that the true beauty of my body doesn’t solely depend on how it looks but what it does for me. My body held it all together for me when I was a child, it got me through trauma and confusion. It stayed strong and held me up so that I could walk away from the abuse. My body walked me to work and helped me to be proficient in my..career so that I could support myself and start my own life. My body would give me signals that helped me to figure out who was on my side and who just wanted to use me. My body felt relaxed and safe when I met my husband, and it let me know that it was ok to let my guard down. My body became more powerful when my daughter was born, as it filled with strength to protect her and guide her through life. My body has been there for me every step of the way.....My body has been beat up, tormented, used and taken for granted but it keeps honoring me, it keeps talking to me, it keeps telling me what is best for me. My body is my best friend. And now I have the power to decide if I love and honor my best friend or turn my back on her."