"Regardless of his general opinion of critics, he did read their reviews. There was usually no reply from him, even in private. But he was provoked once. His rejoinder was hilarious. His subject? Joachim Kaiser, author of a review of a concert that Carlos had given in Munich. Kaiser closed his review by comparing Carlos to his father: "If Kleiber, then Erich." In private, Carlos answered. "If Kaiser, then Schmarrn.""