"Hell Director: Hello, newcomers, and welcome. Can everybody hear me? Hello? Can everyb--? Okay. Uh, I'm the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-- Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn't be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven! Hell Director: Yes, well I'm afraid you were wrong. Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness. Hell Director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well. Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven? Hell Director: I'm afraid it was the Mormons. Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer. Crowd: Awww. Hell Director: So now I'd like to quickly introduce your new ruler and master for eternity, Satan."