"Letters from "kindred spirits" come in, telling of how they agree with my views and how the world stinks, and of how they wish they could just kill themselves. Well, dispose of yourselves quietly, if you must, so long as you don't leave a note saying I told you to do it, you self-esteem deficient loons. I happen to have a certain fondness for existing - soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss; cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex...well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is."