"Tour guide: All right, summer at sea group. Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. This way, please. Scott: There it is. Swiss guard: This entrance is for private tour groups only. Jenny: Oh... but we are a private tour group. We've come all the way from America. That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. [Cooper struggles with his ice cream cone] Swiss guard: Si, I can tell. How very, very sad. Jenny: Yes, it is. Swiss guard: But if you are a tour, where is your guide? Jenny: We've got a fantastic tour guide. Right here. Jamie: What? No... The Vatican has been used as a papal residence ever since the time of Constantine the Great of the 5th century A.D.! Swiss guard: Oh. Okay... um... if you'll all follow me, please. Have a very special day for a very special little man. Cooper: Okay. I can't believe that guy let us in. What a retard! Swiss guard: [To Jamie] Scusate. One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. [Points to a tour group] Could you please take these peoples also? Tourist 1: How big is Vatican City? Jenny: We've got a fantastic tour guide. Right here. Jamie: 0.5 square kilometers. Tourist 2: Who built the colonnades? Jamie: Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656. Tourist 3: Where are the bathrooms? Jamie: Floors 6 and 7. Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope. When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact... [On an upper floor] Scott: Mieke must be around here somewhere. Let's go."