Quiz Show

"Compare with the real statement made by Charles Van Doren."

"Charles Van Doren — he wouldn't know the answer to a doorbell if you didn't give it to him."

"This week on Twenty One, watch Herb Stempel be fed to the Columbia lions. Watch Charles Van Doren eat his first kosher meal on Twenty One."

"[To a reporter outside the Congressional hearing room] You know what the problem with you bums is? You never leave a guy alone unless you're leaving him alone."

"[To his wife] You wanna be worshipped? Go to India and moo."

"You want to know what? If I do nothing else I will convince them that Herbert Stempel knows what won the goddamned Academy Award for best picture of 1955; that's what I'm gonna accomplish."

"You know why they call them Indians? Because Columbus thought he was in India. They're Indians because some white guy got lost."

"[Referring to television] That box is the biggest thing since Gutenberg invented the printing press, and I'm the biggest thing on it."

"And they love me for the same reason they used to hate me, because I'm the guy who knows everything."

"I remember five-six years ago my uncle Harold told my aunt about this affair he had. It was a sort of mildly upsetting event in my family... The affair was over, something like eight years. So I remember asking him, "Why did you tell her? You got away with it." And I'll never forget what he said. It was the getting away with it part that he couldn't live with."

"Mark Van Doren: For $64,000, I hope they ask you the meaning of life."

"Martin Rittenhome: You see, the audience didn't tune in to watch some amazing display of intellectual ability. They just wanted to watch the money."

"Rep. Derounian: Mr Van Doren, I'm also from New York, a different part of New York. I'm happy that you made the statement, but I cannot agree with most of my colleagues. You see, I don't think an adult of your intelligence ought to be commended for simply, at long last, telling the truth."

"Ralph Fiennes - Charles Van Doren"

"John Turturro - Herbert Stempel"

"Rob Morrow - Dick Goodwin"

"Paul Scofield - Mark Van Doren"

"David Paymer - Dan Enright"

"Hank Azaria - Albert Freedman"

"Allan Rich - Robert Kintner"

"Martin Scorsese - Martin Rittenhome"

"Johann Carlo - Toby Stempel"

"Mira Sorvino - Sandra Goodwin"