"Our next guest is host of the funniest comedy on television. It's called To Catch a Predator. If you've never seen it, it's like Punk'd for pedophiles. It's a great show and you can watch it this Wednesday night on NBC. Please say hello to Chris Hansen."

"Media has done a tremendous service to our nation by bringing awareness to the issue. Proactive online investigations are effective in identifying and ultimately catching child sexual predators, when conducted by proper law enforcement authorities"

"The issues "To Catch A Predator" raises are tied to larger journalistic questions too important to be ignored. It should be left to the law to decide how the men exposed on the program should be dealt with. But it is up to media to police its own behavior, even when the topic is distasteful and satisfying answers are not easy to come by."

"2003 season"

"(After being sprayed by Dainton with pepper spray) "FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL! FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL!""

"Make him scream, make him cry...make him want an apple pie."

"(After having something go into his head) "God man, that's your head! There's important stuff in there!""

"(When Dainton throws a spider at him) "Get him away from my life!""

"(When Pancho tries to pull his hair out) "Leave my hair alone you little shit!""

"(To Dainton:) "Would you like me to lapdance for you, scary Newport man?""

"(Playing Moisty's Mallet, trying to say, 'Rain Forest')"Water Jungle.""

"(After Dainton shaves the top of Pritchards hair off whilst he was asleep) "It's gone! My Hair's fucking gone!.....I look like a fucking Nun!""

"This is Dirty Sanchez not fucking gay school!"

"(To Dainton in the 'Guess the Ladyboy challenge') "Oh Daint, she's got wicked fucking knockers!""

"(After Dainton throws a dart, which hits Pritchard on his finger) "Don't play fucking darts with Dainton! Right in the fucking nail.....Twat!""

"(After burying Dainton's jacket with Dan & Pancho) "I fucking buried his jacket and he still fucking knows! Daint, have you got fucking eyes in the back of your fucking head?! Absolute fuck it! Take me fucking back to Wales!""

"(About his mother) "She's 55, she must have taken it up the backdoor once upon a time!""

"How funny is Pancho? Really, really funny."

"(after catching Dainton drawing a pentagram in blood on his floor) Aww, Daint, you can't put a fucking pentagram on my floor. I...I'm not a devil house!""

"(Whispering to Dainton) "Smell my shit.""

"(To Dainton) "Let's see your starfish.""

"(Playing Moisty's Mallet) "I was in fucking thick class in school, they never taught us about Dinosaurs, alright?!""

"(Referring to a spider) "He's so big he can't fit in his house!""

"(About Pancho) "I like to think I could trust Panch with my life, but he's so clumsy and uncoordinated, he'd just fuck it up.""

"Some of the things I've done over the years are absolutely stupidly...well just absolutely stupid!"

"(After being whipped in the back) "That's a Paul Weller! It just wells up!""

"(When Pritchard and Pancho accidentally marry) "I'll kick you in the fanny in a minute, I'm not married...to a MAN.""

"(While choosing some jeans) "Got to flash your ass for the cowgirls!""

"(About a football boot) "That is literally going RIGHT into my arse.""

"(When asked to make a wish) "Can I bum Daint tonight?""

"(After Dainton hits him) "Yep. Right in the fucking eardrum. Lovely.""

"(After hitting Dainton with a fishing line) "This was made to pick up 500 pounds worth of fish, and it snapped on PlumBum's arse!""

"Vultures are called vultures because they're vultures. What the fuck am I saying?"

"(Hitting Pancho with a rolling pin) "Your hand is my pastry, look away!""

"I don't like pain. I'm a big pussy really."

"(About Pritchard) "He's like 'Hey, jump off a cliff!' 'OK then, I'll just jump off a cliff!' 'No, no, I was only joking!' 'Well, why not? We're here, lets just jump off it. How bad can it be? Either I die or I won't...' That's him, Mister Fifty-fifty.""

"(drunk) "I like to gamble! I like to gamble money, I li... I... burps I like to gamble!""