"When your father was a boy like you, and living with me here in Norway, I told him about witches too, so that he would always be aware. Now, the most important thing you should know about real witches is this - now listen very carefully! Real witches dress in ordinary clothes, and look very much like ordinary women. They live in ordinary houses, and they work in ordinary jobs."

"Brenda Blethyn - Mrs. Jenkins"

"Jane Horrocks - Miss Irvine"

"Rosamund Greenwood - Janice"

"Sukie Smith - Marlene"

"Rowan Atkinson - Mr. Stringer"

"Emma Relph - Millie"

"Annabel Brooks - Nicola Cuttle"

"Mai Zetterling - Helga Eveshim"

"Anjelica Huston - Eva Ernst / The Grand High Witch"

"[after zapping a witch into a pile of ashes] I hope nobody else is going to make me cross today."

"[after being turned into a mouse, to Mrs. Jenkins] You always wanted me to lose weight. Well, look at me now."

"Bill Paterson - Mr. Jenkins"

"Anne Lambton - Woman in Black"

"Caspar Lee as Garlic"

"John Cleese as The Guv"

"Travis Hornsby as Boggo"

"Genna Blair as Mermaid"

"Aaron McIlroy as Spud's Dad"

"Sven Ruygrok as Rambo"

"I'm aware of the unsavory incidents at this house last year, and I shall not be falling into the same traps. A school scholarship is a gift, Milton, not an entitlement."

"Now listen here... especially you, Mr. Black!! Some of you may know me as Mr. Richardson. Others may know me as the Viking. But I'd rather you thought of me as your worst bloody nightmare!! Ugly boys! Fat boys! Long stupid, skinny boys!!"

"Troye Sivan as Spud"

"Blessing Xaba as Fatty"

"Thomas Burne as Vern "Rain Man" Blackadder"

"Josh Goddard as Charlie "Mad Dog" Hooper"

"Byron Langley as Simon Brown"

"Travis Hornsby as Alan "Boggo" Greenstein"

"Sven Ruygrok as Robert "Rambo" Black"

"Headmaster, if you think that the best way to protect the reputation of this school is to expel these boys, I must ask you to think again."

"The question that you must ask yourself is why. Why, why do these boys flap the rules? Why do they create hideaways and start food fights? Hmm? Well, I tell you why, Headmaster. Because instead of molding them, instead of allowing them some creative fun, Big Brother here threatens them. He beats them and stoops so low as to steal a man's diary. He has been carrying out a personal vendetta against these boys, and I have the proof of it."

"Boys, until your short stay at this school is mercifully over, I'm going to make you wish you'd never been born."

"All right. I will talk no more about what you have done, if you swear never to utter a word about this."

"Look, Milton, you need to wake up. This school, this is your shot. If you screw this up, you're going to end up like your father. Now, the way I see it, Milton, is that time is running out before Robert Black makes you do something incredibly stupid. But if you and I work together, maybe your future could be saved. Could you think about that, Milton?"

"Gentlemen, for your reckless behavior and complete disregard for the rules of this establishment, I have come to a decision on your punishment. Robert Black and Charles Hooper, I regret to inform you that you are no longer students of this institution; you have been expelled. Your parents have already been notified and you will be off the school premises by sunset today. And the rest of you... are suspended for three weeks and placed on absolute final warning. My patience hangs by a thread! Dismissed."

"Last year, your undercover activities caused a night swimming craze, in which two boys nearly drowned... putting me and this school in a very serious and difficult position. Now, I find you faking and forging weekend passes!"

"[to Greg Anderson, Guy Emberton and Death Breath] QUIET!!! As of this instant, you, you and you are de-prefected, placed on absolute final warning and stripped of all your privileges!! Dismissed!"

"You and your gang are going to get expelled from this school when I reveal all to the headmaster. Now, all you have to do is admit to me that what you have written here is true and maybe I'll save your miserable little future!!"

"And so because of the shenanigans between one boy and his wife, he has made it his personal mission to get that boy and all of his friends expelled!"

"Patrick Kenny as Reverend Bishop"

"Blessing Xaba as Sidney "Fatty" Sibeko-Scott"

"Harry Wilcox as Student C"

"Boys, we have the reputation of this school to uphold, and if you won't, I assure you, I will. Consequently, I'm putting you all on final warning. One more transgression of this nature will result in your expulsion. You're all gated until further notice and banned from going to the Midlands Festival. Good day."

"Ben Voss as Mr. Lily"