Never Been Kissed

"I'm not Josie Grossie anymore!"

"Rob, you're not going to believe it, I made friends with a whole table of rastafari. Not just one, a whole table... You know what's a weird word? Fork. Oh my God, someone ate my entire pie! I don't know how that happened!"

"Hey, Guy, guys, Guy's guys!"

"Somebody once said, "To write well, you have to write what you know." Well, here is what you know..."

"Let me tell you something, I don't care about being your stupid prom queen. I'm 25 years old. I'm an undercover reporter for the Chicago Sun Times and I've been beating my brains out trying to impress you people. Let me tell you something, Gibby, Kirsten, Kristin, you will spend your lives trying to keep others down because it makes you feel more important. Why her? Let me tell you about this girl, she is unbelievable. I was new here and she befriended me no questions asked. But you, you were only my friend after my brother, Rob, posed as a student and told you to like me. All of you people, there is a big world out there... bigger than prom, bigger than high school and it won't matter if you were the prom queen, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it."

"Wow, that was just like "Carrie!" I thought she was gonna kill us all."

"All you need is for one person to think you're cool, and you're in. Everyone else will be scared to question it."

"I'm the coleslaw king of the world!"

"See ya around the Cell Block, Mrs. Robinson."

"Sex can be fun... when you're old enough, which none of you are. I should know. When you lose it to some guy named Junior with bad breath in the back of a van at a Guns N' Roses concert, you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" [giggles and sighs] ...So, any questions? [every hand goes up]"

"Merkin: Hey, Merkin ain't jerkin', he's workin'."

"Merkin: I'm just a little tense. This whole office is not Feng Shui. All the desks are facing evil."

"Aldys: [faking "Valley Girl" accent] Oh my God, like, there goes another lemming!"

"The Class Clown Just Turned Chic."

"A Comedy With Class."

"She's never been hip. Never been cool. Never been in... Until now"

"Some things are worth waiting for"

"Drew Barrymore - Josie Geller"

"David Arquette - Rob Geller"

"Michael Vartan - Sam Coulson"

"Leelee Sobieski - Aldys"

"Molly Shannon - Anita"

"John C. Reilly - Augustus "Gus" Strauss"

"Jeremy Jordan - Guy Perkins"

"Jessica Alba - Kirsten"

"Jordan Ladd - Gibby"

"Marley Shelton - Kristen"

"James Franco - Jason"

"Denny Kirkwood - Billy Prince"

"Marissa Jaret Winokur - Sheila"

"Maya McLaughlin - Lara"

"Giuseppe Andrews - Denominator"

"Octavia Spencer - Cynthia"

"Branden Williams - Tommy"

"Cress Williams - George"

"Garry Marshall - Rigfort"

"Sean Whalen - Merkin"

"Martha Hackett - Mrs. Knox"

"Jenny Bicks - Miss Haskell"

"Katie Lansdale - Tracy"