Chicago (2002 film)

"My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, backflips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero; the three of us, boozin'... having a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some. I come back... open the door... and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen: the spread-eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later...when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!"

"(Singing) Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz! I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down... And all that jazz! Start the car, I know a whoopie spot, where the gin is cold and the piano's hot! It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl, and all... that... jazz!"

"(Listening to a description of Roxie's trial on the radio) Oh, mama, she stole my garter...(grabs radio and shakes it) She stole my garters! First she steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer, my trial date, and now she steals my goddamn garter!"

"(Smoking her cigarette and smoke puffs from her red lips) Cicero."

"Look honey, you want some advice? Well, here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, 'kay?"

"(Singing) My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top! My sister and I made a thou, a week at least- oh yea- but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. I know it's sad, of course, but a fact, is still a fact. And now all that remains, is the remains of a perfect, double, act!"

"(Singing) No, I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life!! And all... that... Jazz!!!!"

"(Singing) She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men.""

"You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn."

"I just can't take it anymore! You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato! (Mama sits up with her hair dyed like Roxie's) Oh, no, Mama, not you too."

"What's your talent; washing and drying?"

"(After Roxie turns down her idea of doing a double act together saying "It'll never work./'Cause I hate you!") There's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all.....(raises eyebrow and grins slyly...leads into Nowadays)"

"My audience loves me. And I love them. And they love me for lovin' them and I love them for lovin' me. And we love each other. And that's cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And that's showbiz, kid."

"(Singing) And that's good, isn't it? Grand, isn't it? Great, isn't it? Swell, isn't it? Fun, isn't it?"

"(Singing) You can like the life you're living, you can live the life you like. You can even marry Harry, and mess around with Ike!"

"(At a press conference, protesting her innocence) I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard?"

"(Singing) Who says that murder's not an art?"

"(In a Southern accent) I was born on a beautiful Southern convent... (In a normal voice) Oh, holy shit! I'm never gonna get this straight!!!"

"And then I started foolin' around... and then I started screwin' around, which is foolin' around without dinner."

"This dress makes me look like a Woolworths lamp shade! I'm not wearing this dress!"

"You were mentioned in the paper today, in the back with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been postponed indefinitely.' Seven words."

"Oh, and by the way, here's a piece of advice from me to you: lay off the caramels."

"(Velma just sung "I Can't Do It Alone") So where was the part where you blew her brains out??"

"Boy, what a sap I was!"

"(Singing) A human being's made of more than air? With all that bulk you're bound to see 'em there! ...Unless that human bein' next to you, is unimpressive, undistingushed, you... know... who."

"(Singing) Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane should'a been my name; Mr Cellophane. 'Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there."

"(after singing Mr. Cellophane) Hope I didn't take up too much of your time."

"When you came to me, I didn't ask if she was guilty, I didn't ask if she was innocent, I didn't ask if she was a drunk, a dope fiend. No, I asked, did you have five thousand dollars, and you told me yes, but you don't have five thousand dollars so I figure you're a dirty liar and I don't do deals with dirty liars! (Amos reaches out to take back the money) However..."

"(Singing) Give 'em the old razzle dazzle; razzle dazzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate. Give 'em the old hocus pocus; bead and feather 'em. How can they see with sequins in their eyes? What if your hinges all are rusting? What if, in fact, you're just disgusting? Razzle dazzle 'em, and they'll never catch wise."

"It's all a circus, kid. A three ring circus. These trials - the whole world - all showbusiness. But kid, you're working with a star - the biggest!"

"They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged. You know why? Because it would sell more papers. That's Chicago."

"You're a free woman, Roxie Hart. And God save Illinois."

"This is Chicago, kid. You can't beat fresh blood on the walls."

"I don't like to blow my own horn, but if Jesus Christ lived in Chicago today, and he had come to me and he had five thousand dollars, let's just say things would have turned out differently."

"As you know I'm here to take care of you. Now if anything hurts you, or upsets you in any way... don't run your fat-ass mouth off to me cause I don't give a shit. Now move out."

"(Singing) The folks atop the ladder are the ones the world adores. So boost me up my ladder kid, and I'll boost you up yours!"

"(Singing) Let's all stroke together, like the Princeton crew. When you're strokin' Mama, Mama's strokin' you!"

"Sometimes you get a little success, and it's good riddance to who put you there."

"(Singing) Ask any of the chickies in my pen, they'll tell you I'm the biggest mother... hen."

"(Having been asked what the cost of a phonecall is) Come on, Vel, you know how I feel about you. You're like family to me, one of my own. ...I'll do it for fifty."

"In this town, murder's a form of entertainment."

"Miss Velma Kelly in an act...of desperation."

"Mr. Billy Flynn and the press conference rag. Notice how his mouth never moves...almost."

"[Billy Flynn goes to cross-examine Velma Kelly] Ladies and gentlemen...a tap dance."

"Some men just can't hold their arsenic."

"And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times."