"Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got."

"I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies."

"The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a…"

"The bad boy tweaking the nose of the Establishment [with] the countenance of a Jewish leprechaun."

"I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team."

"I like champagne—because it always tastes like my foot's asleep."

"A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to …"

"The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water."

"People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and e…"

"You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it."