"One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you fucking blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes."

"Famke Janssen - Bonnie"

"Leonardo DiCaprio - Brandon Darrow"

"Hank Azaria - David"

"Dylan Baker - Catholic Retreat Priest"

"[to Lee] I hope you catch a break."

"Tony Sirico - Lou DeMarco"

"Tracey Ullman - Frances "Frenchy" Fox-Winkler"

"Woody Allen - Ray Winkler"

"Michael Rapaport - Denny Doyle"

"Brian Markinson - Officer Ken DeLoach"

"Tom Dale. Big star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake."

"Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it."

"Judy Davis - Robin Simon"

"Winona Ryder - Nola"

"Charlize Theron - Supermodel"

"Melanie Griffith - Nicole Oliver"

"Kate Burton - Cheryl"

"Bebe Neuwirth - Nina"

"Douglas McGrath - Bill Gaines"

"J. K. Simmons - Souvenir Hawker"

"Elaine May - May Sloane"

"No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck."

"Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building."

"Gerry Becker - Jay Tepper"

"I met a wonderful man downstairs. He seemed to like me. He said I reminded him of his wife who's dead. But I assume he meant when she was alive."

"It was a really tragic story, because my husband, Otto, was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell correctly was his name."

"They took a bite out of crime."

"Explodes with big-time laughter."

"Elaine Stritch - Chi-Chi Velasquez Potter"

"Hugh Grant - David Perrette"

"Tony Darrow - Tommy Walker"

"Jon Lovitz - Benjamin "Benny" Bukowski"

"Larry Pine - Charles Bailey"

"Kristine Nielsen - Emily Bailey"

"[about Papadakis] He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white."

"I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story."

"I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier."

"Kenneth Branagh - Lee Simon"

"Joe Mantegna - Tony Gardella"

"Jeffrey Wright - Greg"