"[serving gigantic pancakes to Miles for his birthday] You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door!"

"[Imitating a radio DJ while making breakfast] It’s 7:02 in the a.m., you’re listening to “W-I-don’t-have-to-go-to-wor…"

"[struggling to open the washing machine] Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove …"

"[to Maizy's principal] I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure d…"

"[They're eating Chinese take-out] This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. How DO you find the time?"

"[to her mother] If my whole family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too."

"Hey, Mom. Next time you take off in the middle of the night, why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house?"

"Marcie Dahlgren-Frost: Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. Dahlgren is my maiden name, Frost is my married name. I'm single again,…"

"E. Roger Cogswell: [to Buck] You gotta let somebody know where you are. I've been checking car trunks for your corpse."

"John Candy - Buck Russell"