First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Margo Martindale as Sister Agnes Aluminata"
"Ben Falcone as Marty"
"Cedric Yarbrough as Tito"
"Cecily Strong as Dana Dandridge"
"Kristen Schaal as Sandy, the leader of the Dandelions, who is pompously berated by Helen."
"Annie Mumolo as Helen Kreagan"
"Timothy Simons as Stephan"
"Let's watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre!"
"I tried a Dorito for the first time last night. It wasn't cheese. It was... cheese adjacent, but not cheese. It was really good!"
"Kathy Bates as Ida Marquette"
"Tyler Labine as Mike Beals"
"Peter Dinklage as Ronald/Renault"
"Ella Anderson as Rachel Rawlings"
"Kristen Bell as Claire Rawlings"
"Melissa McCarthy as Michelle Darnell"
"Poom! Later, loser."
"Ben Falcone as Keith Morgan"
"Mark Duplass as Bobby Tilman"
"Toni Collette as Missi Jenkins"
"Nat Faxon as Greg"
"Gary Cole as Earl Tilman"
"Kathy Bates as Lenore"
"Dan Aykroyd as Don"
"Allison Janney as Deb"
"Susan Sarandon as Pearl Balzen"
"Melissa McCarthy as Tammy Banks"
"[walking to her parent's house] Missi Jenkins is a whore! And I kicked her ass! Kicked her stupid ass. Don't call me, Greg, when she dumps you! Because I won't call you back! No fucking way! I'm gonna be too busy fucking models and shit!"
"Harlan Briggs β Denton Offut"
"[discussing why he can't face Mary Todd before his marriage to her] I'd have to tell her that I have hatred for her infernal ambition. That I don't want to be ridden and driven onward and upward through life with her whip bashing me and her spurs digging in me. If her poor little soul craves importance in life let her marry Stephen Douglas. He's ambitious too. I want only to be left alone."
"[to Billy Herndon] Careful. Billy, you've got great fires in yuh, but you're puttin' 'em out fast."
"A house divided against itself cannot stand. The government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free."
"Mentor Graham: Well, Abe, there are always two occupations open to those who have failed at everything else: school teaching and politics."
"Lincoln's Cook: President of the United States! If they get him back there into Washington, he won't ever come out alive."
"Jack Armstrong: [to the crowd] I tell you, you all ought to listen to the judge. He got a round belly but a level head. No one can do nothin' with me without lickin' me first!"
"Raymond Massey β Abraham Lincoln"
"Gene Lockhart β Stephen A. Douglas"
"Ruth Gordon β Mary Todd Lincoln"
"Mary Howard de Liagre β Ann Rutledge"
"Minor Watson β Joshua Speed"
"Alan Baxter β Billy Herndon"
"Harvey Stephens β Ninian Edwards"
"Howard Da Silva β Jack Armstrong"
"Dorothy Tree β Elizabeth Edwards"
"Aldrich Bowker β Judge Bowling Green"
"Maurice Murphy β John McNeil"
"Louis Jean Heydt β Mentor Graham"
"Clem Bevans β Ben Mattling"
"George Rosener β Dr. Chandler"
"Trevor Bardette β John Hanks"
"Syd Saylor β John Johnston"