Mike Resnick

"She is unique, even among women, who are all unique, each in their own alien way."

"“He has willpower to spare,” I say. “Unfortunately, what he lacks is won’tpower.”"

"“It is an honest wager on an honest fight between two evenly-matched masters of the fistic arts,” says Pedro. “Who would have believed it?” says Benny. “Believed what?” asks Pedro. “You manage to cram five lies into an eighteen-word sentence,” answers Benny."

"“Let’s be reasonable,” suggests Bet-a-Bunch Murphy, which I personally think would make a pleasant change."

"Benny shakes his head. “This is America, Lamont,” he says. “America’s out there somewhere!” growls Lamont, waving his hand toward the door. “This is Manhattan.”"

"“Enough screaming and yelling!” he yells. “I expect you to behave with some decorum. After all, this is a bar, not City Hall.”"

"The mind discerns and decides, and the heart vetoes. It is a very inefficient system."

"If nothing else, money buys you a higher class of woman."

"“Is it true?” “Probably. But just for the record, is what true?”"

"“I don’t believe you.” “What you believe is of no importance to me.”"

"“It is a world of bitter extremes of climate and a totalitarian theocracy.” “That he believes in,” said Thaddeus. “Believing in his religion makes it no less oppressive,” said Albert emotionlessly."

"Nobody reaches a position of authority without the ability to be a back-stabbing bastard when the chips are down."

"“Maybe things are different on his world.” “As near as I can tell, there’s one basic law anywhere you go in the universe: the strong eat the weak.”"

"It was an art form, and you don’t learn to be an artist. You’re either born one, or you aren’t."

"“I’ve revised my opinion,” he announced. “About what?” asked Mr. Ahasuerus. “About how long it’s going to take Man to conquer the galaxy once he figures out how to travel to the stars.” Flint took a long swallow of his beer and wiped his mouth off with a sweaty shirtsleeve. “I give us three weeks, tops.” He paused again. “That’s twenty days to decide whether it’s worth the effort, and one afternoon to pull it off.”"

"“Procyon III does have a gravity identical to Earth’s,” said Mr. Ahasuerus apologetically. “I suspect it’s also about as heavily populated as Saskatchewan.” “I am unacquainted with that location,” said the blue man. “So is everyone else.”"

"I was so average, Tojo. Even after I stopped being fat I was just an average girl with average parents and average grades and average friends. I was always afraid I was going to have an average husband and sleep with him 3.4 times a week and have 2.2 children."

"“Nothing personal,” Mr. Ahasuerus, replied Flint, “but what the hell do you know about it? Your entire experience has been with a carny crew. The next normal human you meet will be the first.”"

"Gloria, the world—hell, the whole damned universe—is divided into just two groups: meat eaters and meat. It has been my experience that the former never feels sorry for the latter."

"The doctors told told me there would be some pain involved. Hah! When a surgeon suggest that you might feel a bit of mild discomfort, you can bet your bottom dollar you’re about to undergo the agony of the damned."

"“Did you not ever want to see what was beyond the next hill, what strange and unique civilizations lay beyond your own?” “Until I got there,” answered Monk."

"“You have no moral compunctions about it?” persisted Batman. “Hell, no,” replied Monk. “As Thaddeus says, if God didn’t want them fleeced, He wouldn’t have made ’em sheep. Words to live by, once you become a carny.”"

"“You’re a very cynical man, Mr. Flint.” “That’s one of the reasons you’re on the road to becoming a very rich man, Mr. Ahasuerus.”"

"“Don’t worry,” said Monk. “It’ll be a cakewalk.” “Cakes don’t walk, Jupiter,” said Flint. “They fall.”"

"“A very reasonable attitude,” said Mr. Ahasuerus. “That’s probably why it’s so rare around here,” said Flint."

"You don’t look at a man and decide that he’s sane at three-eighteen on a Tuesday afternoon and mad as a hatter at three-nineteen. People don’t make it that easy for you."

"The Carnies’ First Commandment is that you never offend a mark until he’s spent all his money."

"“He has wealth, and fame, and security, and everything he ever wanted,” persisted Mr. Ahasuerus. “Why should he be unhappy?” “Maybe because he’s got wealth and fame and security and everything he ever wanted,” replied the Dancer."

"He opened a desk drawer and withdrew two gaily wrapped packages. Then, standing up, he carried one over to Flint and handed the other to Tojo. “What’s this all about?” asked Flint. “I realize that we haven’t celebrated any of your holidays since leaving Earth,” explained the blue man, “but according to my calendar, today is the last Thursday in November.” “So?” “Happy Thanksgiving! said Mr. Ahasuerus, contorting his lips to form a smile. There was a momentary silence. “I’m afraid you’ve got it all wrong,” said Flint. On Thanksgiving we slaughter innocent birds and forget to abuse Indians. Christmas is when we defoliate forests and exchange gifts.”"

"“It is the home of a very unusual race, as violent in their way as the people of Earth.” “I will assume that’s a good thing to be,” said Flint dryly. “For the purpose of this proposition, it most definitely is,” said Kargennian, ignoring Flint’s undisguised animosity. “They have a culture that worships weaponry fully as much as yours does.” “I don’t know that we actually worship it.” “Perhaps I used the wrong word,” replied Kargennian. “But the fact remains that their history and cultures are as fully committed to firearms as your own. To this day, most of them carry hand weapons, as barbaric as the concept may seem.”"

"“You’re going to find this hard to believe, but I don’t give a damn about the money,” answered Flint. “‘Hard’ is an understatement,” said Mr. Ahasuerus. “I find it impossible to believe.”"

"“There is nothing worse than a meaningless death.” Flint smiled a bittersweet smile. “I envy you for thinking so.”"

"“He didn’t seem to mind his people being fleeced so much after I slapped him a couple of thousand credits,” remarked Flint wryly. “I guess death and taxes aren’t the only constants in the universe.”"

"“What’s your secret, Mr. Flint?” asked Jiminy with a smile. “The two greatest aphrodisiacs in the universe,” answered Flint easily. “Money and power.” He paused. “A hell of a lot of rhinos could’ve kept their horns if people had just looked at things the way they are, instead of the way they’d like them to be.”"

"“I’ve always wanted what people told me I couldn’t have,” responded Flint. “You’ve never wanted all that much of anything. Which do you suppose is worse?”"

"You measure a man by what he beats, Thaddeus—not by what he avoids."

"“I take it that you’re not much of a romantic,” he remarked wryly. “Only when I’m paid to be.”"

"Harry, I wish you wouldn’t sound so damn sincere. I’m not used to it."

"“Look, I didn’t ask you here to talk business.” “Just why did you ask me, Harry?” “I’m lonely.” “You should have let me select a companion for you.” “I said lonely, not horny.” He paused. “Well, maybe a little of each.” “Just a little?” she asked, arching an eyebrow. “Accounting isn’t exactly a universal aphrodisiac,” he said. “Otherwise I would have propositioned you already.” “And why am I so blessed?” “I don’t know any of the others,” he answered. “And you only go to bed with people you know?” She laughed. “That’s contrary to the whole purpose of a brothel.”"

"“It lacks the conviction of your other lies,” she laughed. “True,” he admitted. “But you have to understand that my entire training as a liar has been directed at the tax collectors.” “I didn’t know that deceit and falsehood went to hand-in-glove with accounting.” “They go hand-in-glove with everything,” answered Redwine seriously."

"“What would you be if you could be anything at all?” she asked. “Happy.”"

"Redwine wondered what the going price of a conscience was, but named a figure that seemed to hover just between the top end of Reasonable and the bottom of Ostentatious."

"“You’re a fool, Harry.” “I know,” he said softly. “That doesn’t make you any less of one,” she replied."

"It had been a good line; he had known it the instant he uttered it. The funny part, he thought with a rare feeling of serenity, was that it was also the truth."

"Corruption is like a disease; it tends to spread to everyone who comes into contact with it."

"“You’re sure of that, are you?” “I’m the best there is, so why shouldn’t I have the best job?” “Modest, too,” commented Redwine dryly. “The next modest whore you meet will be the first,” replied Suma."

"“I never said that.” “You never had to,” he replied with a smile. “I’m good at my job, remember? And part of that job is listening to what people say and figuring out what they mean.”"

"“I probably shouldn’t admit this to you, but I don’t enjoy sleeping alone since I’ve met you. And I’m certainly not going to seduce your body if I know your mind is still working away on this paranoid fantasy.” She paused. “So the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can go back to behaving like normal adult human beings.”"

"“Contrary to what you may think about prostitutes, Harry, none of us were brought up to screw in front of an audience. But after a couple of lives get saved because Security sees a problem developing, and after you realize that they’re not simply a batch of drooling voyeurs at the other end of the monitors, you come to accept and appreciate them, and after a while you don’t even think of them at all.” She paused. “One of the first things a prostitute learns how to do is not think of things, especially while they’re happening to her.”"

"He mumbles something that wouldn’t make any sense even if he was saying it clearly."