"[deleted scene; about the flask] It was handcrafted in Hell by Satan himself, and its sole purpose is to get the Fireball of Hades burning once again."

"[deleted scene; he grabs the microphone at the stadium] I get one more shot. The ref can cover me. If I miss it, the Globetrotters have to forfeit. But if I make it, this guy doesn't ref the second half and we all start conducting ourselves as decent human beings again. [the crowd is silent] And we get free pizza! [the crowd roars in joy]"

"(Mocking) "But those are my roommates sodas!" Does that sound like a statement the Son of the Devil would make?"

"Kid's got a lot of evil in him just begging to come out!"

"[while peeing on Todd's "I Love Acting" door mat] You love acting, I love pissing."

"[after firing an arrow at Adrian through his genitals] Now, that hurt the both of us."

"Look, it's okay for me to shit in the street, but you've got to use a toilet."

"The shit has hit the fan, kid! Take a look."

"Easy, don't choke."

"Even in Hell, I get no respect."

"You know, I was the one who created Hell."

"What's with all those "hoo-hoo" noises?"

""Everything's fine"? Who're you bullshitting? The last time you said everything was fine, the Renaissance happened!"

"Though I cannot see with these blind eyes, I know the good Lord still loves me! He loves all of his children—why he loves you, and he loves you…[smells Nicky's presence] You make the Lord…very nervous! You…I'm burning now! Hellfire is burning me alive! The beast is alive! He's among us! Clear the streets! The devil is here…!"

"[after sensing Nicky's presence again] Why do you taunt me with your darkness!? You're evil! It's stinking up our streets! The end is near! We are all going to die—[slams into a lightpost and falls]…We will meet again, Lucifer…"

"[after sensing Nicky's flying above the city] The hell beast is above us! And I can smell the evil slut!"

"Holy shit, we really are going to die!["Then he accidentally walks into flames and catches fire"]"

"[alternate ending; noticed Nicky has a son] He has filled his seed! He's multiplying! Beware the spawn of the unholy union! We're all gonna die!"

"He's walking! Get him a bus!"

"Guess what, cornrows? Technical foul! You're out of here!"

"Who gives a shit?"

"Ten points off from the Globetrotters on account of the bigmouth!"

"Hit the half-time buzzer. I'm tired."

"Get that crap out of here!"

"You can do it, Nicky! Kick him in his hairy balls!"

"You can do it, Ozzy! Bite his freaking head off!"

"Hey, Nicky. Cover Winkler in bees. You can do it!"

"Peeper: I think Victoria just told me her Secret."

"Priest/Adrian: In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how we should live if we wish to attain the splendor of Heaven…or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a wiffle ball bat! [hums a silly tune]"

"Basketball audience member: Now that was some straight-up David Copperfield shit!"

"Stanley: You can't go through there! The fire flows in, not out! [Cassius and Adrian go through fire gate] You really suck!"

"Stanley: Now, you're going to see what a big, horny bird actually looks like. In Hell!"

"Demon: Popeyes Chicken is the shiznit!"

"Pete: My underwear is so far up my ass, I could taste it!"

"Satan: Now, that was an experience. 'You are only coming through in waves.' That line blows my mind every time. I don't care what mood you're in the start of that song. When it's finished, that mood had been altered."

"Adam Sandler as Nicky"

"Patricia Arquette as Valerie Veran, Nicky's love interest"

"Harvey Keitel as Satan, Nicky's father"

"Rhys Ifans as Adrian, Nicky's older half-brother"

"Allen Covert as Todd, Nicky's best friend"

Little Nicky

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