Deadpool & Wolverine

"[narrating after mumbling the Marvel Studios fanfare.] Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! That logo music just gets you pumped! Right? I'm sorry, I'm just-- I'm excited to be here. It's been a while. You know, for a long time, I wasn't sure I'd ever be back. Disney bought Fox, there was a whole boring rights issue, blahbiddie-blahbiddie-blah. But then it turned out they wanted me! The one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie, much less a franchise. Marvel's so stupid! Look, we know the title of this thing, so I know what you're wondering: How are we gonna do this without dishonoring Logans memory? And I'll tell you how: We're not."

"I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to ride with you, Log. You and me, getting into it? Deadpool and Wolverine just fucking shit up! Can you imagine the fun? The chaos? The residuals?"

"There are 206 bones in the human body. 207 if I'm watching Gossip Girl."

"I'm done. I'm done, and I'm fine with being done. Look, is sales the best match? Probably not. Is this the life I always imagined for myself? Fuck no! But this is the right fit for me, sugar bear. It is."

"[in a delected scene] Oh, please. You think I haven't seen Doctor Ant and the Quantum-verse of Madness?"

"The Sacred Timeline. I assume I'm going to Marvel at how Cinematic it feels? Gratuitous cameos? Indiscriminate use of Variants, the whole package?"

"Suck it, Fox. I'm going to Disneyland. [headbutts the camera] Get fucked!"

"[sees his new suit] Oh, ho-ho-ho, fuck off! Adorn me, beardo!"

"[wearing his new suit] Fucking A! Ugh, it's perfect! FYI, your tailor is a predator, but I love it! Snug, no camel toe, new car smell, and adamantium katanas?? You shouldn't have! Go ahead, take it in. And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. [Points to a TVA employee] That guy knows what I'm talking about. His clothes say, "middle manager", but his eyes say, "Fucky, fucky!""

"I'm more of a "one week on, one week off" kinda guy. I think it's what they do in Denmark. You know, you'll never see a Danish flag on the moon, but... Goddammit, they're happy."

"[Discovering Logan's comics-accurate X-Man suit] Ooh! Look at those jammies. That only took twenty fuckin' years!"

"I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about because that hairy thunder-cunt from down under-cunt finally dies, and he's standing right behind me, isn't he?! [to Wolverine] Welcome to the MCU, by the way. You're joining at a bit of a low point."

"[looking behind the 20th Century Fox logo] Rest in pieces, Fox."

"[Holding Sabertooth's severed head] Behold! The precious head of your queen, Furiosa! I have the Wolverine! I alone control her! You come for me... you come for her!"

"Alioth is in this thing? From Loki, season 1, episode 5?"

"Huh! Paul Rudd finally aged."

"[after Cassandra uses her powers on him for the first time] My brain could taste your fingers and they tasted like hate! And where in God's name is the intimacy coordinator?!"

"[When Wolverine talks about how Deadpool got Human Torch killed] "Poor kid", he's like 50!"

"This isn't a car! This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey. Throttle response sucks a cock, dated infotainment system. When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia was making a comeback, they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete!"

"I did not lie, I made an educated wish!"

"I don't know anything about saving worlds. Why would I even care? Because my entire world is right here in this picture. It's only nine people and I have no idea how to save it alone. I know how to fuck people up for money, but you! YOU — know how to save 'em! At least the other Wolverine did... I guess I'm stuck with the worst one!"

"[To the Resistance] Yes! YES! Let this man cook! This is what I'm talking about; big slow-motion fight, sad music, everybody working together, who knows if you live or die, that sort of thing. Who's ready?!"

"What Gambit's trying to say is, getting Juggernaut's helmet ain't gonna be easy! I-- I'm just making stuff up at this-- Yeah, tilt up to Blade!"

"God, he loved his face! I can taste his final thought. He was so afraid. But he died a hero."

"[About Wolverine's mask] The mask is really intimidating, huh? It's like Batman, except he can move his neck."

"You were right. One of us would have been killed. But you put a Deadpool and a Wolverine together, make them hold hands while listening to Madonna? Indestructible, motherfucker!"

"You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma."

"Everyone wants to matter. Turns out you don't need Marvel Jesus to do it. You just need to open your eyes and look around. And if you're lucky, you'll find a few friends. Old friends... And some new ones, too."

"Turns out, I am the world-saving type. Just look around this table if you want proof. The best part? Sometimes, the people we save... Well, they save us right back."

"(in a post-credit scene; breaking the fourth wall) I’m tired of these absolutely vile rumors that I got Johnny killed. Let’s look at the tape. [showcases the footage of his and Logan's conversation with Johnny Storm in the Void] Gotcha, fuck face."

"I'm wearing this suit, and that means a lot of things, but most of all... it means I'm an X-Man. [to Cassandra] And I know your brother. As much as I wanna fucking kill you -- every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you! -- he wouldn't let me stand here and watch you die. [to Deadpool] Take your hands off. [to Cassandra] This is for him. This is for Charles."

"You got a whole world to go back to. I got nothing. I got nothing. Give me this."

"For the first time in my life, I'm proud to wear this suit. It means I'm an X-Man. I'm the X-Man."

"Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl."

"The Void is a paradise. I can wield my power here without shame. Unfortunately, I had no Charles Xavier to teach me temperance. What about your Charles? Did he protect you? Did he make you feel safe?"

"You're so lost, Mr. Wilson. And long before you came here."

"You two escaping, I could live with. But coming back? Willingly? Boys are so silly."

"I can't send you home unless you get this thing off my head! And as soon as you do that, I'm going to boil your brains on an atomic level whilst flicking my bean to the Enya box set."

"When you come for the king, you better kill that king."

"Hush! Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation. [sends Deadpool and Logan flying with a snap of her fingers]"

"You know, the funny thing is -- I was happy in the Void. You sent your trash to me, Alioth and I cleaned it up, everyone was happy. Then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. And so now the fence must come down."

"Minuteman Leader: Wade Winston Wilson, you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority for too many crimes to list!"

"Happy Hogan: The problem might be that you're reaching a little too high. Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss, right? I think you got a good heart. I believe what you're saying. But not everybody's the world-saving type. I'm not, and I'm happy, right? I found my place. Find your place."

"Blind Al: I pray every day that fire finds your body and finishes the job God didn't have the nuts to do!"

"Paradox: I have been tasked with overseeing the end of your universe and, regardless of what the pencil-pushers upstairs would prefer, I will not waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes. We used to just prune these things -- Simple. Elegant. Efficient. But I'm told the TVA doesn't like to do that anymore. Well, I do. And no matter what my so-called superiors say, the multiverse does not need a babysitter. We need a mercy killer. And in this instance, I am the mercy killer!"

"Johnny Storm: You see anyone running, dick-for-brains? You're not gonna love what happens next."

"Vanessa: Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee... Baby, you never got back up. I know you're going through something, let me go through it with you."

"Gambit: I ain't know my daddy, but I'm sure I shot outta his dick ready. [...] Yeah, he was laying them buttery nuts all up in my mama and I shot out there and I said "what's up, doc?""

"Laura Kinney / X-23: You remind me of him. Angry. Drunk. Mean. [...] Showed up when it mattered the most. Couldn't help it."

"Blade: There's only ever been one Blade. There's only ever gonna be one Blade."